Everyone wants to feel a sense of control over their own lives. When we feel autonomous, we are more likely to be motivated and productive.<ul><li>Consult with them before making decisions.</li><li>Give them options to choose from.</li><li>Allow them to make their own mistakes.</li><li>Respect their decisions, even if you disagree with them.</li></ul>

How to Give Others a Sense of Control


The core concerns are human wants that are important to almost everyone in virtually every negotiation. Rather than trying to deal directly with scores of changing emotions affecting you and others, you can turn your attention to five core concerns: <ul><li>Appreciation</li><li>Affiliation</li><li>Autonomy</li><li>Status</li><li>Role</li></ul>

Address the Concern, Not the Emotion

Everyone has a desire to feel understood, valued, and heard. When we feel appreciated, we are more likely to be cooperative and productive.<ul><li>Understand the other person's point of view.</li><li>Find merit in what they think, feel, or do.</li><li>Communicate your understanding through words or actions.</li><li>Give them a genuine compliment.</li><li>Take the time to listen to them.</li><li>Remember their interests and preferences.</li></ul>

How to Make Others Feel Appreciated

Status is the feeling of importance that we have in the eyes of others. When we feel respected, we are more likely to be cooperative and productive.<ul><li>Recognize their accomplishments.</li><li>Give them credit for their contributions.</li><li>Treat them with respect.</li><li>Listen to their ideas.</li><li>Include them in decision-making.</li></ul>

How to Acknowledge Others' Importance


Venting is the act of expressing strong negative emotions in an uncontrolled way. While it may feel good in the moment, venting can actually make our emotions worse in the long run.<ul><li>Talk to a trusted friend or therapist.</li><li>Write in a journal.</li><li>Exercise.</li><li>Meditation.</li></ul>

How to Deal with Strong Negative Emotions

Our role is the part that we play in a group or organization. When we feel like our role is meaningful, we are more likely to be engaged and productive.<ul><li>Identify your strengths and interests.</li><li>Find a role that aligns with your values.</li><li>Take on challenging assignments.</li><li>Make a difference in the world.</li></ul>

How to Find Meaning in Your Work


Affiliation is the feeling of connection and belonging that we have with others. When we feel affiliated with someone, we are more likely to trust them and work with them cooperatively.<ul><li>Find common ground with the other person.</li><li>Share personal information.</li><li>Build rapport.</li><li>Spend time together.</li><li>Help each other out.</li></ul>

How to Build Strong Relationships


While many people assume that venting is a helpful way to get rid of strong negative emotions, it often leaves us and others angrier. As we create arguments demonstrating why we are right and others are wrong, we talk ourselves into a storm. Venting can be helpful, but only to the extent that there is someone to moderate self-justifications and to keep in mind each party’s perspective of the situation.

Venting Isn’t An Answer

"Beyond Reason" is a book by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro on how emotions can affect negotiations. The book won the Outstanding Book Award for Excellence in Conflict Resolution from the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution.

“Written in the same remarkable vein as Getting to Yes, this book is a masterpiece.” —Dr. Steven R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People • Winner of the Outstanding Book Award for Excellence in Conflict Resolution from the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution • In Getting to Yes, renowned educator and negotiator Roger Fisher presented a universally applicable method for effectively negotiating personal and professional disputes. Building on his work as director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, Fisher now teams with Harvard psychologist Daniel Shapiro, an expert on the emotional dimension of negotiation and author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts. In Beyond Reason, Fisher and Shapiro show readers how to use emotions to turn a disagreement-big or small, professional or personal-into an opportunity for mutual gain.

How to Give Others a Sense of Control

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