In life and in love, we are going through four stages, which Jay Shetty describes as Aschrams:<ol><li>Preparing for love (Brahmacharya): In this Aschram, you will discover the power of solitude and learn to love yourself. It includes rule n° 1 and 2.</li><li>Practicing love (Grhastha): This Aschram is about learning to love other people. It includes rule n° 3 to 5.</li><li>Protecting love (Vanaprastha): Here you will learn how to deal with conflicts and how to heal. It includes rule n° 6 and 7.</li><li>Perfecting love (Sannyasa): Finally, you will learn how to love the entire world. It includes rule n° 8.</li></ol>

4 Stages Of Love And Life

We are constantly surrounded by things that influence us or that shape us into the person who we are: Our parents, the media, society or our first love. Under these infuences, we develop certain habits and behaviours, which can determine our destiny. It is important to recognise how you behave towards others and why you do so, as it can lead to either good or bad consequences, which is considered as Karma. Are you always attracted to the same kind of people? Why? Where is this coming from? What does this say about you?

Rule 2: Deal With Your Karma

It is normal to argue in relationships. It is not you against them but you two against the problem. As soon as one of you loses, you both lose.Here are a few ideas on how you can deal with your problems: Find out the root cause of why you are fighting. Be respectful and try to understand each other's perspective. Let go of your ego and try to find the right words. Discuss the problem once you are both ready.

Rule 6: Win Or Lose Together

Expand your love. Love the people closest to you, love your colleagues, love strangers, love the earth. You can also love toxic people from a distance. Donate to an organisation or help them. Be an inspiration for others.Give love and serve others without expecting anything in return. This is the true and ultimate form of love and it is hard to reach.

Rule 8: Love Again And Again

A Guru is a teacher that inspires and supports you without controlling you. Look at your partner as if they were your Guru as you can learn a lot from them - you are their student. At the same time, you are your partner's Guru, while they are your student. You are both on the same level. Learn from each other, be curious, be humble, accept and respect each others choices, help each other and grow together.

Rule 4: Your Partner Is Your Guru

Love can mean different things to different people. Define what you consider as love and what it means to you.Jay Shetty says that you love someone when you like their personality, respect their values and want to help them reach their goals.

Rule 3: Define Love Before You Experience It

Your Dharma is your purpose in life, it is what you are passionate about and what you are good at. Live in accordance to your Dharma and help your partner with discovering and living their Dharma, as it will help you feel fulfilled.For more on Dharma, check out my summary of Jay Shetty's first book <a href="https://dsta.sh/1HAFwKdi1d2iRnfg6">"Think Like A Monk"</a>.

Rule 5: Your Dharma Sets The Tone

After your relationship, you are still worthy of love and a complete human being. There is no right way to break up as it is always hard and painful. But often, this is better than staying with the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Find out whether the relationship is worth fighting for or whether it is best to break up because repairing a broken relationship is very hard and time-consuming. Learn the lessons it taught you and move on.You can improve your relationship with new experiences, by learning from each other or through experiencing entertainment together.

Rule 7: The End Of The Relationship Is Not Your End

We often end up or stay in relationships that aren't good for us just because we are scared of being on our own. We think that being alone isolates us from love, when in reality it connects us to love. By being alone on purpose, you will discover your strenghts and develop self-esteem. You will get to know yourself, your values and you will learn to love yourself without anyone's approval. This is the key to building a beautiful relationship and experiencing love.

Rule 1: Be Alone

Meditation:<ol><li>Meditate on how your body feels and thank it.</li><li>Meditate on/with your partner and appreciate them for who and what they are.</li><li>Meditate on how lovable you are by telling yourself positive affirmations.</li><li>Meditate on expanding the love in your heart outwards.</li></ol>Love letters:<ol><li>Write a love letter to yourself.</li><li>Write a love letter to your partner.</li><li>Write an encouraging letter to yourself after a break up and cheer yourself up.</li><li>Write a letter to the world in which you love the earth and every other person on this planet.</li></ol>

Exercises For The Four Stages

In this book, former monk Jay Shetty shares how to find, keep and let go of love. An amazing book on healthy love with insights that can be applied to any type of relationship and in any stage. I recommend reading the entire book.

The author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Think Like a Monk offers a revelatory guide to every stage of romance, drawing on ancient wisdom and new science. Nobody sits us down and teaches us how to love. So we’re often thrown into relationships with nothing but romance movies and pop culture to help us muddle through. Until now. Instead of presenting love as an ethereal concept or a collection of cliches, Jay Shetty lays out specific, actionable steps to help you develop the skills to practice and nurture love better than ever before. He shares insights on how to win or lose together, how to define love, and why you don’t break in a break-up. Inspired by Vedic wisdom and modern science, he tackles the entire relationship cycle, from first dates to moving in together to breaking up and starting over. And he shows us how to avoid falling for false promises and unfulfilling partners. By living Jay Shetty’s eight rules, we can all love ourselves, our partner, and the world better than we ever thought possible.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Love & Relationships

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Leadership & Management

Jay Shetty is a storyteller, podcaster, and former monk. Shetty’s vision is to Make Wisdom Go Viral. He is on a mission to share the timeless wisdom of the world in an accessible, relevant, and practical way. Shetty has created over 400 viral videos with over 5 billion views, and hosts the #1 Health and Wellness podcast in the world, On Purpose. Learn more at JayShetty.me.

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