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In life and in love, we are going through four stages, which Jay Shetty describes as Aschrams:
We often end up or stay in relationships that aren't good for us just because we are scared of being on our own. We think that being alone isolates us from love, when in reality it connects us to love. By being alone on purpose, you will discover your strenghts and develop self-esteem. You will get to know yourself, your values and you will learn to love yourself without anyone's approval. This is the key to building a beautiful relationship and experiencing love.
We are constantly surrounded by things that influence us or that shape us into the person who we are: Our parents, the media, society or our first love. Under these infuences, we develop certain habits and behaviours, which can determine our destiny. It is important to recognise how you behave towards others and why you do so, as it can lead to either good or bad consequences, which is considered as Karma.
Are you always attracted to the same kind of people? Why? Where is this coming from? What does this say about you?
Love can mean different things to different people. Define what you consider as love and what it means to you.
Jay Shetty says that you love someone when you like their personality, respect their values and want to help them reach their goals.
A Guru is a teacher that inspires and supports you without controlling you. Look at your partner as if they were your Guru as you can learn a lot from them - you are their student. At the same time, you are your partner's Guru, while they are your student. You are both on the same level. Learn from each other, be curious, be humble, accept and respect each others choices, help each other and grow together.
Your Dharma is your purpose in life, it is what you are passionate about and what you are good at. Live in accordance to your Dharma and help your partner with discovering and living their Dharma, as it will help you feel fulfilled.
For more on Dharma, check out my summary of Jay Shetty's first book "Think Like A Monk".
It is normal to argue in relationships. It is not you against them but you two against the problem. As soon as one of you loses, you both lose.
Here are a few ideas on how you can deal with your problems: Find out the root cause of why you are fighting. Be respectful and try to understand each other's perspective. Let go of your ego and try to find the right words. Discuss the problem once you are both ready.
After your relationship, you are still worthy of love and a complete human being. There is no right way to break up as it is always hard and painful. But often, this is better than staying with the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Find out whether the relationship is worth fighting for or whether it is best to break up because repairing a broken relationship is very hard and time-consuming. Learn the lessons it taught you and move on.
You can improve your relationship with new experiences, by learning from each other or through experiencing entertainment together.
Expand your love. Love the people closest to you, love your colleagues, love strangers, love the earth. You can also love toxic people from a distance. Donate to an organisation or help them. Be an inspiration for others.
Give love and serve others without expecting anything in return. This is the true and ultimate form of love and it is hard to reach.
Psychology student with a passion for learning and developing as a person.
In this book, former monk Jay Shetty shares how to find, keep and let go of love. An amazing book on healthy love with insights that can be applied to any type of relationship and in any stage. I recommend reading the entire book.
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