Ways advice-giving goes bad - Deepstash

Keep reading for FREE

Ways advice-giving goes bad

  • We're solving the wrong problem: The first challenge that shows up is seldom the real issue.
  • Our advice is not nearly as good as we think it is: Cognitive bias makes us think we're brilliant at things even though we aren't.
  • Our advice monster will make us think that we are responsible for all the answers to save this person. It is exhausting, frustrating, and overwhelming.
  • For the person who's on the receiving end of your advice monster - they're getting the message that they are incapable of figuring this out by themselves, ripping away at their sense of confidence and autonomy.

630

1.49K reads

Replace your advice monster

The best way to tame your advice monster is to replace it with a new habit of staying curious. Questions that may help you achieve this:

  • Ask the other person what they think is the real challenge? It helps them to find the important issue and prevents you from providing them with a quick, wrong answer.
  • Ask, "What Else?" The first answer the other person will give you is never their only answer. It will help them to delve deeper into the situation.
  • "What do you want?" This is a very powerful question. When they know what they want, they get to move toward that action with autonomy and confidence.

817

1.4K reads

Your advice monster

Your advice monster

When somebody asks you for advice about something, and before you can gain the full context, your 'advice monster' is like, "Oh, oh, I've got something to say here."

The problem is not with giving advice, but when giving advice becomes your default response.

558

2.5K reads

Three different advice personas

  • The “Tell It” persona: This persona is very loud and convinced that the only way to add value is to have all the answers.
  • The "Save It" persona: This persona is subtle. It tries to convince you that your only job is to rescue everybody. You're not allowed to let anybody stumble, struggle, or have a difficult time.
  • The "Control It" persona: This persona is very crafty and has convinced you that you only win if you maintain control at all times. If anybody else takes over control, even a little, you (and they) will definitely fail.

563

1.2K reads

Connecting all three personas

Your advice monster is really saying that you are better than the other person and they are not good enough.

However, you are losing that connection to your humanity, your empathy, your compassion, and your sense of vulnerability.

510

1.14K reads

Advice monsters are insatiable

As soon as somebody starts talking, your advice monster wakes up with, "Oh, I'm going to add some value to this conversation!"

Learn to tame your advice monster. To train it, you need to understand it.

500

1.3K reads

CURATED BY

micee

I like jazz music and bacon. Learning new things is one of my obsessions.

Ready for the next level?

Read Like a Pro

stash-superman-illustration

Explore the World’s

Best Ideas

200,000+ ideas on pretty much any topic. Created by the smartest people around & well-organized so you can explore at will.

An Idea for Everything

Explore the biggest library of insights. And we've infused it with powerful filtering tools so you can easily find what you need.

Knowledge Library

Powerful Saving & Organizational Tools

Save ideas for later reading, for personalized stashes, or for remembering it later.

# Personal Growth

Take Your Ideas

Anywhere

Organize your ideas & listen on the go. And with Pro, there are no limits.

Listen on the go

Just press play and we take care of the words.

Never worry about spotty connections

No Internet access? No problem. Within the mobile app, all your ideas are available, even when offline.

Get Organized with Stashes

Ideas for your next work project? Quotes that inspire you? Put them in the right place so you never lose them.

Join

2 Million Stashers

4.8

Stars

5,740 Reviews

App Store

4.7

Stars

72,690 Reviews

Google Play

Sean Green

Great interesting short snippets of informative articles. Highly recommended to anyone who loves information and lacks patience.

samz905

Don’t look further if you love learning new things. A refreshing concept that provides quick ideas for busy thought leaders.

Shankul Varada

Best app ever! You heard it right. This app has helped me get back on my quest to get things done while equipping myself with knowledge everyday.

Ashley Anthony

This app is LOADED with RELEVANT, HELPFUL, AND EDUCATIONAL material. It is creatively intellectual, yet minimal enough to not overstimulate and create a learning block. I am exceptionally impressed with this app!

Jamyson Haug

Great for quick bits of information and interesting ideas around whatever topics you are interested in. Visually, it looks great as well.

Laetitia Berton

I have only been using it for a few days now, but I have found answers to questions I had never consciously formulated, or to problems I face everyday at work or at home. I wish I had found this earlier, highly recommended!

Giovanna Scalzone

Brilliant. It feels fresh and encouraging. So many interesting pieces of information that are just enough to absorb and apply. So happy I found this.

Ghazala Begum

Even five minutes a day will improve your thinking. I've come across new ideas and learnt to improve existing ways to become more motivated, confident and happier.

Read & Learn

20x Faster

without
deepstash

with
deepstash

with

deepstash

Access to 200,000+ ideas

Access to the mobile app

Unlimited idea saving & library

Unlimited history

Unlimited listening to ideas

Downloading & offline access

Personalized recommendations

FAQ

Claim Your Limited Offer

Get Deepstash Pro

BLACK FRIDAY

75% OFF | 1-Year Pro Subscription

Claim Offer