Learn more about communication with this collection
How to handle conflicts
How to identify and regulate emotions
How to develop self-awareness
Three different advice personas
- The “Tell It” persona: This persona is very loud and convinced that the only way to add value is to have all the answers.
- The "Save It" persona: This persona is subtle. It tries to convince you that your only job is to rescue everybody. You're not allowed to let anybody stumble, struggle, or have a difficult time.
- The "Control It" persona: This persona is very crafty and has convinced you that you only win if you maintain control at all times. If anybody else takes over control, even a little, you (and they) will definitely fail.
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Ways advice-giving goes bad
- We're solving the wrong problem: The first challenge that shows up is seldom the real issue.
- Our advice is not nearly as good as we think it is: Cognitive bias makes us think we're brilliant at things even though we aren't.
- Our advice mons...
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Replace your advice monster
The best way to tame your advice monster is to replace it with a new habit of staying curious. Questions that may help you achieve this:
- Ask the other person what they think is the real challenge? It helps them to find the important issue and prevent...
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Your advice monster
When somebody asks you for advice about something, and before you can gain the full context, your 'advice monster' is like, "Oh, oh, I've got something to say here."
The problem is not with giving advice, but when giving advice becomes your default response.
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Advice monsters are insatiable
As soon as somebody starts talking, your advice monster wakes up with, "Oh, I'm going to add some value to this conversation!"
Learn to tame your advice monster. To train it, you need to understand it.
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Connecting all three personas
Your advice monster is really saying that you are better than the other person and they are not good enough.
However, you are losing that connection to your humanity, your empathy, your compassion, and your sense of vulnerability.
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“Diet” is one of the most used words when it comes to lose or gain weight, and this is the biggest problem of all.
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Replace your advice monster
The best way to tame your advice monster is to replace it with a new habit of staying curious. Questions that may help you achieve this:
- Ask the other person what they think is the real challenge? It helps them to find the important issue and prevent...
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