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Scheduled Sadness: Why You Should Make Time to Be Sad on Purpose

Scheduled sadness

In order to better understand and control your sadness, check out the below steps that lead to a so-called 'scheduled sadness' that will eventually help you reach your goal:

  • schedule a consistent time to focus only on your sadness
  • start by spending ten minutes on the task
  • express clearly the things that have made you feel this way
  • make sure you do not overthink it.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Scheduled Sadness: Why You Should Make Time to Be Sad on Purpose

Scheduled Sadness: Why You Should Make Time to Be Sad on Purpose

https://nickwignall.com/scheduled-sadness/

nickwignall.com

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Key Ideas

Accepting sadness

As we associate sadness with a negative feeling, we tend to try to run away from it.

However, one way to get rid of such fears like being sad is by actually embracing our negative emotions and understanding them.

Embrace your sadness

You might feel sadness from time to time, which actually makes you want to run away from this mood and focus on something happier.

Nevertheless, running has never been a solution and it will certainly not start being one in this specific case, as embracing your sadness is a surer way to control and get rid of it on a long term.

Scheduled sadness

In order to better understand and control your sadness, check out the below steps that lead to a so-called 'scheduled sadness' that will eventually help you reach your goal:

  • schedule a consistent time to focus only on your sadness
  • start by spending ten minutes on the task
  • express clearly the things that have made you feel this way
  • make sure you do not overthink it.

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Grumpiness
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What causes grumpiness

Grumpiness can be caused by many factors, among which:

  • An unfulfilled psychological need: one way to avoid this is by clearly expressing your needs and, eventually, taking some actions in order to accomplish them.
  • An unrealistic high expectation: make sure you check your expectations on a regular basis, so you can always have realistic and achievable ones.
  • The lack of self-compassion: if you have a negative attitude towards yourself, you are most likely going to feel at least grumpy.
Meta-grumpiness

Meta-grumpiness can be explained as the fact of being grumpy because you are grumpy.

Once you have noticed that you are feeling grumpy, this makes you feel even more grumpy, as you tend to become critical of yourself being grumpy.

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Emotional Regulation

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Having bad emotional clarity is thought to lead to low emotional regulation, which is linked to depression and rumination.

Emotional Clarity

Involves your ability to identify what you feel with ease. It affects mental health by predisposing people to depression.

This is a “subjective” ability. There is no external objective reference point for naming your emotions. Emotions are also relative qualities, meaning different people have different definitions and experiences for a given emotion. 

Depression During Holidays

Holidays are supposed to be a happy time, but many people feel sadness due to heightened expectations, family rifts and comparison with others.

FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

Our cause of sadness is often related to the fact that we compare our lives with the lives o the people we follow and that seem to be having loads of fun on social media

Try to avoid social media during holidays and during mandatory social gatherings. Also, avoid gatherings that drain your energy.

Creating Your Happiness

Negative emotions can sap us from the inside. Create your happiness by observing and learning from your negativity by using self-awareness

Brighten your day by being generous, providing funds to the needy, holiday gifting to the poor, or doing some volunteer work.

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Every Decision In Life Becomes a Trade-Off

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Good and Bad Decisions

Decisions are a cost-benefit analysis of risking something small for the opportunity to gain something big.

  • Good decisions can be: Exercising, meditating for 10 minutes daily, finding the courage and striking up a conversation with someone, applying for jobs that you may or may not get.
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Trade-offs and Life Values

Trade-offs are not something as simple as flipping a coin. Our values guide us towards what we want in life, and it is not the same for all. Example: Buying a house has a trade-off of mortgage for the next ten or more years. This is subjective and depends on what we value in life.

Indecisive people suffer because they don’t know their inner values and what they care about.

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Avoiding talking about your feelings

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Judging your own feelings

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People with high emotional intelligence understand that if something feels bad doesn't mean it is bad. They treat themselves with compassion and kindness when they feel this way.

Trying to control your emotions

People with low emotional intelligence think they have to solve difficult emotions. They try to get rid of any painful feelings.

Emotionally intelligent people see emotions as messengers. They validate them even if they don't like the content of the message.

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Self-sabotage can appear in our lives under many shapes:

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Self-sabotage and its causes

Studies revealed two main causes of self-sabotage:

  • modeling: individuals tend to self-sabotage as they grew up seeing this in their parents' behavior
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Hating Ourselves
Hating Ourselves

"I hate myself" is a common self-talk. You really are your worst enemy, however painful this may feel.

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Effects of Self-Hatred

Self-hatred gives us negative thoughts, telling us we are unattractive, lack confidence, and are generally unworthy. If we listen to it, we give it power. We then create a negative shield around us and will have trouble accepting love and compassion.

The internal negative breeding will attract further negativity in our lives and relationships.

How To Stop Hating Yourself
  • Pay attention to your triggers by reflecting on your thoughts and actions, identifying your inner negative talk.
  • Question and challenge your negative thoughts, and detach from them.
  • Start saying positive affirmations to yourself to counter the negativity.
  • Reframe your negative thoughts by changing your point of view.
  • Spend time with positive people who fill you with joy.
  • Seek professional help as this may be a mental health issue.
Sadness as a Person

A study found that people feel less sad if the feeling of sadness is personified, as it leads to a certain distance between the person and the emotion.

Detached from Sadness

By imagining that Sadness is a person, the sad person becomes detached from his/her sadness.

They can picture the sadness to have human traits or mannerisms, leading to an internal regulation of that particular emotion.

Not for the other Emotions

While this approach of humanizing the emotion appears to work for sadness, it can make a happy person less happy, if that feeling is humanized.

Other complex emotions like guilt and embarrassment may have any kind of effect and are yet to be studied. 

Self-compassion can work wonders

Self-compassion enables you to take risks while being positive about the fact that even if things do not turn out your way, everything will eventually be fine, as you are still the same person.

Self-compassion and its effect

The main difference between individuals who show a certain level of self-compassion and the ones who show none or lower is that the first ones have the strength to stand up after having made a mistake, learn something from this mistake and be successful next time.

Learning self-compassion

A sure way of practicing self-compassion is by actually trying to learn lessons from all your experiences, especially the negative ones. 

You should stop judging these experiences as being good or bad, but rather look for the meaning of each and every one of them.

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