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There’s a Price to Pay for Emotional Validation
Emotional Validation
- Many people need approval from others when it comes to one’s shortcomings and the inability to be perfect. It is comforting to seek and get some sort of validation, but there is a price to pay for this.
- The trap that people fall into is called the ‘borrowing self’ where they depend on others' reassurances.
- This can take the form of texting friends for their input, copying their choice, asking a partner to validate a decision, or even doing what the experts are saying.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
6
Key Ideas
Why we are not decisive
The main cause of our trouble with being decisive comes down to this process: cultural conditioning +negative habits.
There are persons that start life fro...
Learning to be more decisive
This comes down to pinpointing and getting rid of the habits that increase indecisiveness.
If you feel you struggle to be decisive it's because you've developed habits that increase your lack of confidence when it comes to decision-making.
Uncertainty is a key feature of decision-making
Recognize and accept the fact that you will not be able to control and solve all uncertainty and that you don’t need to. You will be anxious about that, but it's normal.
This will make it much easier for you to simply make a decision and move on.
5
Key Ideas
"Needing" therapy
By framing therapy in terms of what we need rather than what we could benefit from, many people experience too much shame or embarrassment to try it.
Not everybody needs therapy. But ...
How therapy helps
- Understanding how the way we tend to think about things affects our moods and emotions
- Clarifying our values and strategizing about the most effective path toward them
- Learning to communicate directly and assertively in relationships or the workplace
- Building self-confidence in social situations
- Acquiring more effective parenting skills and techniques
- Working through complicated grief or loss
Therapy and growth
Ultimately, therapy is about growth and creating opportunities for positive change.
And in addition to improving traditional mental health struggles, therapy can also be a powerful and efficient way to make progress on personal goals or aspirations.
6
Key Ideas
The ability to be a good listener
The idea of being a good listener is almost a cliche. Yet, most of us are terrible at it.
Becoming a good listener is not that difficult if you know where to start and are ...
Focus on the person, not the problem
Our ability to solve problems is helpful in life, but it is the wrong thing to do in situations when people simply want to be heard, understood, and feel connected.
When someone is scared, angry, depressed, or just upset, they don't want to feel like something is wrong with them. When you give unsolicited advice to someone who is struggling, you make them feel like a problem. Give advice when someone asks for it, otherwise, hold off on your wisdom and instead focus on being present.
Unsing open-ended questions
Being a good listener is not about getting the facts about what made them upset. It is to be supportive, offer encouragement, and empathize.
Ask open-ended questions to communicate that you're interested in them. Avoid questions beginning with 'Why' and use 'What' or 'How' instead. Generic open-ended questions that work well are:
- What was that like for you?
- Can you tell me more about that?
- How did you feel about that?
- What was going through your mind?