Relationship Advice From Counter-Terrorism Experts - Deepstash

deepstash

Beta

deepstash

Beta

Improve your relationships – with advice from counter-terrorism experts

Relationship Advice From Counter-Terrorism Experts

Relationship Advice From Counter-Terrorism Experts

According to leading counter-terrorism experts, the same methods that aid communication and co-operation with terrorists and criminal suspects can be applied at home and work to solve relationship issues.

As people turn hostile, and the conversation gets harder, the techniques usually used for gaining the trust and co-operation of violent criminals start to work on our loved ones.

216 SAVES


This is a professional note extracted from an online article.

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Improve your relationships – with advice from counter-terrorism experts

Improve your relationships – with advice from counter-terrorism experts

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/aug/01/improve-your-relationships-with-advice-from-counter-terrorism-experts

theguardian.com

6

Key Ideas

Relationship Advice From Counter-Terrorism Experts

According to leading counter-terrorism experts, the same methods that aid communication and co-operation with terrorists and criminal suspects can be applied at home and work to solve relationship issues.

As people turn hostile, and the conversation gets harder, the techniques usually used for gaining the trust and co-operation of violent criminals start to work on our loved ones.

Reverse Psychology

  1. The more we push someone to do something, the more they resist and rebel.
  2. The more urgently we need information from someone, the harder it could get for us to get it out of a person.
  3. Building rapport, and providing autonomy to the person help thaw out the relationship and get things moving.

Forming A Connection

  • With the help of the right communication, attitude and gestures, a rapport can be formed with the other person (like a teenager or a spouse).
  • The power balance needs to be restored/shared, so the person who is ‘closed’ finds a reason to open up.
  • Threatening, blackmailing and trickery rarely work in such situations, with a humble, submissive and empathetic person having a much better chance at being effective.

The HEAR Model For Approaching Hostile Relationships

The ego is the enemy in any hostile relationship situation and the following four points need to be looked at:

  1. Honesty: Always tell the truth.
  2. Empathy: Try to relate to the other person, finding something common, or try to be in their shoes.
  3. Autonomy: Respect the other person right of choice and decisions.
  4. Reflection: Listen well and summarize what you have heard, ensuring the person understands that you have listened and understood perfectly well.

Communication Styles

Whether it is a teenager, a boss, or a bank robber, one has to understand the communication style, quirks and language that is used, usually in these four major types:

  1. T-Rex: The frank, forthright, and unfriendly person.
  2. Lion: Confident and demanding.
  3. Monkey: A social, warm and friendly person, who is unpredictable.
  4. Mouse: A modest, humble and conflict-avoiding person, who may also be disengaged.

The Interrogator Type

The successful interrogator who is looking to navigate a relationship minefield needs to know himself very well, and ‘sync’ it with the personality type of the other person and be able to do a verbal ballet dance, while staying nimble and flexible.

He/she needs to be sensitive and be able to adapt or change their style if needed.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

The two sides of a relationship
The two sides of a relationship

Sometimes our closest and most important relationships are also the most difficult. Our relationships are both cooperative and competitive. We work together with the ones we love but also h...

Spill Some Coffee

Doing everything to make your life seems perfect may make you a target for resentment.

People who inspire the most trust are those who show warmth and competence. While we may be competent, warmth may be lacking. To ensure you don't inspire envy, screw up a little. It will make you seem more approachable. Embarrassing yourself makes you a lot more human.

The Little Things

Just asking people, "Is this a good time to talk?" increases compliance with requests.

Show that you care by doing little things, even if they're ridiculous.

3 more ideas

Absorb and Imbibe

The key to opening oneself to new romantic relationships is to be completely open towards the experience. The more we are careful, cautious and afraid of things that can change us, the more we miss...

The Reason We Communicate
The Reason We Communicate

The essence of communication is to inform, influence, inspire, motivate, learn, socialize and build relationships. Communication makes possible persuasion, negotiation, and improve...

Improving Your Diction

Your style of speaking, or writing, choice of words while conveying your idea, or point of view are very powerful components in communicating with effectiveness and purpose.

The right word said the right way can make all the difference.

Increase Engagement

Your words need to be interesting both in terms of content (what is being said) and delivery (how it is being said) to be able to draw the people towards what you are trying to say.

8 more ideas

Influence at work

To be effective in organizations today, you must be able to influence people. Your title alone isn’t always enough to sway others, nor do you always have a formal position.

Having infl...

Build connections

Work on cultivating personal connections with your colleagues, and allow them to get to know you. 

You don’t have to be “the greatest person in the room” or make sure “everyone is blown away by your charisma.” You just need to have good rapport with your colleagues. That way, they won’t impute negative intentions or motives to you.

Listen before you try to persuade
The best way to prime colleagues for backing you and your agenda is to make them feel heard. 

Start by giving them your undivided attention in one-on-one situations. Turn your body toward the other person, freeze in place, and listen.

4 more ideas

Our relationships impact our brains

Your brain is the place that processes where you perceive, understand, remember, evaluate, desire, and respond to people.

How we perceive people are a mix of who they are and w...

Transference
It is a psychological phenomenon in which conversational or relational partners activate earlier memories. As a result, we may unconsciously repeat conflicts from the past that have nothing to do with the current relationship.

What you can do: Ask yourself, “Am I responding to this person, or am I mixing them up with someone from the past?”

Emotional contagion

Our emotions can be easily transferred to another person without us even knowing about this. This can also happen through large-scale social networks without in-person interactions or nonverbal cues. Our negative emotions such as anger are transferred more easily than positive ones. 

What you can do: Be aware when your partner or colleague “makes” you angry. You may not actually be angry with them, but instead, mistaking their anger for yours when your brain reflects their feeling states.

one more idea