Improve your relationships – with advice from counter-terrorism experts

• With the help of the right communication, attitude and gestures, a rapport can be formed with the other person (like a teenager or a spouse).
• The power balance needs to be restored/shared, so the person who is ‘closed’ finds a reason to open up.
• Threatening, blackmailing and trickery rarely work in such situations, with a humble, submissive and empathetic person having a much better chance at being effective.

The ego is the enemy in any hostile relationship situation and the following four points need to be looked at:

1. Honesty: Always tell the truth.
2. Empathy: Try to relate to the other person, finding something common, or try to be in their shoes.
3. Autonomy: Respect the other person right of choice and decisions.
4. Reflection: Listen well and summarize what you have heard, ensuring the person understands that you have listened and understood perfectly well.

Whether it is a teenager, a boss, or a bank robber, one has to understand the communication style, quirks and language that is used, usually in these four major types:

1. T-Rex: The frank, forthright, and unfriendly person.
2. Lion: Confident and demanding.
3. Monkey: A social, warm and friendly person, who is unpredictable.
4. Mouse: A modest, humble and conflict-avoiding person, who may also be disengaged.

The successful interrogator who is looking to navigate a relationship minefield needs to know himself very well, and ‘sync’ it with the personality type of the other person and be able to do a verbal ballet dance, while staying nimble and flexible.

He/she needs to be sensitive and be able to adapt or change their style if needed.