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The Clocklike Regularity of Major Life Changes
Transition, as an in-between state
Transition is also called liminality by psychologists - a state where you are neither in the state you left nor entirely in your new state. This in-between state creates an identity crisis, even in good transitions.
But they are really a predictable and integral part of life and happen regularly. Author Bruce Feiler interviewed hundreds of people and found that a major life change happens, on average, every 12 to 18 months. Even huge collective transitions such as the pandemic occur with regularity.
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Transition is difficult
Transition, even the completely voluntary, can be a source of intense suffering because it involves adapting to new situations and changing your self-conception.
If we understand transitions, we can control our tendency to fight against them. We can turn major life changes into a source of meaning and transcendence.
Transition, as an in-between state
Transition is also called liminality by psychologists - a state where you are neither in the state you left nor entirely in your new state. This in-between state creates an identity crisis, even in good transitions.
But they are really a predictable and integral part of life and happen regularly. Author Bruce Feiler interviewed hundreds of people and found that a major life change happens, on average, every 12 to 18 months. Even huge collective transitions such as the pandemic occur with regularity.
In retrospect, most transitions are seen as positive
In hindsight, even the unwanted transitions are usually seen to have been a success.
Research shows that we tend to see past events as net positives over time. Even the most challenging transitions have some positive fruit. It may just take some time to see it.
Accepting and leaning into transitions
When we don't resist challenging transitions, we learn how to cope with subsequent life changes. We gain a sense of meaning that makes the rest of life seem more stable.
Those who benefit and learn the most from them are those who accept them and lean into them.
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Lifequakes
They are the transitions and moments of disruption that offer unique opportunities for insight and wisdom.
The constant handling of big and small obstacles and setbacks, ironically, is what provides meaning to our lives. It is almost as if a Gateway or threshold has to be crossed, signifying the commitment of the journey from the ‘Hero’ who is able to successfully complete the ‘test of life’.
Autobiographical Occasions
Life transitions are the interesting chapters of our internal autobiographies, that provide us with the opportunity, tools and the reason to transform ourselves for the better.
We need to take small steps, or ‘microsteps’ to accept these transition moments, visualize and plan out the change, shed our old ways, unveil our transformation and the resulting new self, and to storify the entire transition.
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The Three Phases Of Life Transitions
In the face of a crisis, we feel chaotic and out of control. The transition comes in three phases:
- The Long Goodbye, in which we see our old self go.
Identifying Emotions During Life Transitions
- Be aware of your emotions such as fear, sadness and shame.
- Writing down your feelings or doing certain rituals or activities to cope up with the loss is a great way to transition your life.
- A ritualistic gesture becomes a statement and a metaphor for your emotions to take a physical form.
The Process Of Letting Go
Shedding of something we have long clung to, like a certain mindset, delusion, habit or dream, is part of the messy middle.
It clears the unwanted parts of your life, creating space for something new to blossom.
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Deep work vs. Shallow work
- Deep work: Professional activities performed in a state of distraction-free concentration that push your cognitive capabilities to their limit. Creates value.
- Shallow work: Noncognitively demanding, logistical-style tasks, often performed while distracted. Doesn't create value.
4 philosophies to integrate Deep Work into your life
- Monastic: maximize Deep Work by minimizing or removing shallow obligations. Isolate yourself for long periods of time without distractions; no shallow work allowed
- Bimodal: divide your time into some clearly defined stretches to deep pursuits and leave the rest open to everything else. Reserve a few consecutive days when you will be working like a monastic. You need at least one day a week
- Rhythmic: involves creating a routine where you define a specific time period — ideally three to four hours every day — that you can devote to Deep Work
- Journalistic: alternate your day between deep and shallow work as it fits your blocks of time. Not recommended to try out first.
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Change is inevitable
If a change is well planned, it can produce positive results. However, without planning, change can be hard to accept and appreciate.
The Kubler-Ross Model is the most reliable tool to un...
The Kubler-Ross Model
The Kubler-Ross Model, also known as the five stages of grief, consists of the various levels of emotions that are experienced when facing trauma. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
After the model was widely accepted, it was found to be valid in a majority of cases and situations related to change.
Relevance in Business
The Kubler-Ross Change Curve is also true when it comes to business, work, or employment.
Change can cause a lot of upheaval to the employees. If there are improvements to be made in systems and policies, the employees can't persist in their old ways. Only when the employees of an organization make personal change, can the company move ahead to reap the benefits.
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William Bridges
The Stages of Transition
The experience of Transition has 4 main stages:
- Disengagement: the feeling of separation from what is lost
- Disidentification: the destruction of the old identity
- Disenchantment: tearing out of the old reality
- Disorientation: the feeling of being lost and bewildered by the loss experienced.
Change is Inevitable
Change is the only constant in life.
It is always a certainty and failure to cope with change is not an option.
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A cluttered mind
It can make navigating even the most basic parts of our day exceedingly stressful and frustratingly inefficient.
Mindfulness
A Consistent Organizational System
It is an external strategy for keeping track of what we need to do and accomplish.
By creating and maintaining a reliable organizational system, we give ourselves the best possible chance of efficiently processing the day-to-day Have-Tos, so that we have sufficient time and energy to focus on the Want-Tos (the things that really matter to us).
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Post-Breakup Loneliness
The process of breaking up can sometimes be compared to the death of a loved one.
Transitional Loneliness
Major changes can create a sense of loneliness, even if they're positive. You might be leaving a job or starting a new job, ending a relationship or embarking on a new relationship, getting married, getting divorced, [or] starting a family.
When struggling with the adjustment period, it can help to acknowledge the feeling and also acknowledge that it's likely temporary.
Caregiver Loneliness
There's very specific loneliness that can creep in when you're responsible for the care of another person — be it an elderly parent, a sick sibling, a disabled partner, etc.
So even though it's a big job, it's important to not forget about yourself. Find a supportive friend to talk to without judgment, or attend a support group.
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Why Zoom Calls Drain Us
- Video calls require more focus than face-to-face chatting. We have to pay more attention to process the non-verbal cues like tone, pitch, body language and facial expressions. There is also a...
Everything From A Tiny Screen
Video Calling is being used for studying, dating, talking to your parents and for work purposes, leading to a new kind of exhaustion of doing everything from your laptop or smartphone screen. Add to this our being confined in a tiny space (like a room) most of the time.
Relaxing Activity Vs Performance
If video calling and catching up with friends was a relaxing activity, where you can just be yourself, you would not feel fatigued.
What we have here is an added pressure to perform virtually among so many other participants, each vying for attention and validation.
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