A scientific way to define and understand emotional intelligence is to view your brain as a construction, an on-the-fly builder of thoughts, emotions, and perceptions.

The reflex-like emotional reactions are just the tip of the iceberg, and the brain is constantly shape-shifting itself and processing the sensory inputs that are received into useful predictions and actions.

If the brain has a large, flexible range of diverse emotions in any given situation, it’s emotional intelligence is wide-ranging and finely tailored. This ability of a flexible, emotion-rich brain is called granularity.

Real emotional intelligence means un...