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Why We Make Excuses
The Nature And Dynamics Of An Excuse
- An excuse can provide us a sense of control on our lives, viewing our mistakes as an anomaly.
- Shifting responsibility to an external force seems safer than a simple apology ("Sorry, I had a flat tire".)
- It helps maintain our social ties and positive perceptions of our colleagues and acquaintances.
- An excuse can also be an attempt to manipulate the emotions of others.
- Excuses help us mask our bad habits by comparing them with worse ones.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Shame
Shame is a universal experience. Shame enforces adherence to beneficial social norms.
Shaming is a tool and can be used for good or evil. We should use it when the outcome has a great...
Guilt vs shame
Guilt is a private feeling of regret about something you did, and the discomfort leads to self-regulation regardless of exposure.
Shaming is about the possibility of being exposed to an audience.
Effective shaming
Shaming can give the weak greater power. It can be used as a tool to encourage structural changes of institutions, organizations, and powerful individuals by exposing a transgressor to public disapproval.
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Key Ideas
Shame Affects Our Mental Health
Shame is that uncomfortable sensation we feel in our stomach when we realize our irrationality and cannot run away from the judging eye of other people. It usually happens when we ...
Women And Children Feel Shame More Intensely
- Women and adolescents are quick to feel the negative effects of shame, and dive into low self-esteem and depression at a much faster rate than men.
- Young people have a stronger ‘pull’ towards any kind of emotion, including shame, which is the reason for them being susceptible to severe depression.
- The propensity of shame decreases as we grow older, but elders again start to feel ashamed just as a young person, as they get self-conscious of their actions, appearance and bodily decline.
Shame And Guilt
- Guilt is related to shame but is easier to rectify, as we focus our attention on the other person and apologize, accepting responsibility.
- Shame is an inward emotion that makes us view our entire self in a bad light, with us getting punished by our conscience.
- Guilt is actually a positive emotion, showing our empathy and encouraging us to reverse the harm that we may have done.
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Key Ideas
Define who and what
Identify the specific behavior that damaged you. Consider the person as a whole with positive and negative behaviors. The pers...
Let the feeling be felt
If you feel safe communicating with the person who hurt you, talk about your feelings or write them to him.
Forgiveness is good for you
Many of us have anxious and negative attachments to people who have hurt us in the form of anger, hate, resentment, irrational guilt or shame.
Removing the negative attachment through forgiveness will make you feel liberated and open you to the positive that life has to offer.