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The Nature And Dynamics Of An Excuse
- An excuse can provide us a sense of control on our lives, viewing our mistakes as an anomaly.
- Shifting responsibility to an external force seems safer than a simple apology ("Sorry, I had a flat tire".)
- It helps maintain our social ties and positive perceptions of our colleagues and acquaintances.
- An excuse can also be an attempt to manipulate the emotions of others.
- Excuses help us mask our bad habits by comparing them with worse ones.
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Making excuses about our social transgressions comes natural to us, as we experience guilt or shame upon committing the error. The excuse is our attempt to lessen the potential (or imagined) blame from others or even ourselves.
Example: Giving the excuse of being too busy to call up a ...
- Coming in terms with our shame and guilt and confronting the problem head on is a better way to correct our wrongdoing and learn from past errors.
- When we tolerate the sensation of public shame, we move towards accepting of our mistakes and learning from them.
Excusing the behaviour of our friends and loved ones can help us keep the relationship intact, and provides us with a tool to cover up the relationship issues and the internal problems that have no apparent solution except suppression.
In extreme cases this leads to bigger problems of dome...
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Identify the person who has affected you negatively.
Identify the specific behavior that damaged you. Consider the person as a whole with positive and negative behaviors. The person is not the behavior, but the behavior is a part of that person.
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Shame is that uncomfortable sensation we feel in our stomach when we realize our irrationality and cannot run away from the judging eye of other people. It usually happens when we violate the social norms that we and the community we live in, value.
Shame is a universal em...
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published 3 ideas
20% of people identify themselves as chronic procrastinators. For them, procrastination is a lifestyle, albeit a maladaptive one.
It cuts across all domains of their lives. They don't pay bills on time. They miss opportunities for buying tickets to concerts.
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