How to Let Go: Learning to Deal with Loss

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Change and the unchangeable

We like to think that things can be changed. That we are in control somehow. That's why “never” hurts, because never means that it can’t be changed. “Never” means it’s over. It’s gone. And that’s really hard to bear.

2 ways we react to loss

The healthy response to loss is to slowly construct new relationships and bring new meaning into one’s life.
The unhealthy response to loss is to refuse to accept it. It’s to cling to the past and desperately try to recover it or relive it in some way.

Depression vs. sadness

Sadness occurs when something feels bad.
Depression occurs when something feels meaningless.

When something feels bad, at least it has meaning. In depression, everything becomes a big blank void.

Getting better at accepting loss

Understand that our memories lie to us and convince us that everything was awesome in the past.
Surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you for who you are.
Invest in your relationship with yourself and do whatever you want.

Meaning and relationships

We generate meaning through relationships. And meaning is the fuel of our minds.
Our relationships also define our understanding of ourselves. And when one of these relationships is destroyed, that part of our identity is destroyed along with it.

Toxic vs. healthy relationships

A toxic relationship: people are emotionally dependent on each other - they use drama and use each other for the approval and respect they are unable to give themselves.
A healthy relationship: people are emotionally interdependent with each other - they approve of and respect each other because they approve of and respect themselves.