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Guidelines for Productive Disagreement
Basic Understanding Of Ideas And Emotions
- In a discussion, there can be ideas and stuff you didn’t know about.
- Try to understand an alternative viewpoint.
- Do not jump into conclusions.
- Emotions are not attacks.
- Ask for clarification in case things get out of control.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
Acknowledging Your Anxiety
When dealing with difficult conversations, if you are already anxious, any further expectations from others will intensify whatever you are feeling.
You need to address your own emotions b...
Listen to the Unsaid
Sometimes, people are not able to articulate well their needs. Other times, the different questions being asked by our subordinates point to a single underlying problem.
Rather than getting triggered by the repeated questions that sound similar, or deflecting them, a better approach is to acknowledge the underlying problem, and provide an honest and clear answer, while providing a genuine reassurance.
Do not Critique The Questions
Being angry or judgemental towards a question is a sign of instability and weakness. Being defensive when you are an authority figure makes you dismiss other people's feelings and shut down their trust and engagement towards you.
Be honest, compassionate and acknowledge what you don’t know.
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Key Ideas
The ability to be a good listener
The idea of being a good listener is almost a cliche. Yet, most of us are terrible at it.
Becoming a good listener is not that difficult if you know where to start and are ...
Focus on the person, not the problem
Our ability to solve problems is helpful in life, but it is the wrong thing to do in situations when people simply want to be heard, understood, and feel connected.
When someone is scared, angry, depressed, or just upset, they don't want to feel like something is wrong with them. When you give unsolicited advice to someone who is struggling, you make them feel like a problem. Give advice when someone asks for it, otherwise, hold off on your wisdom and instead focus on being present.
Unsing open-ended questions
Being a good listener is not about getting the facts about what made them upset. It is to be supportive, offer encouragement, and empathize.
Ask open-ended questions to communicate that you're interested in them. Avoid questions beginning with 'Why' and use 'What' or 'How' instead. Generic open-ended questions that work well are:
- What was that like for you?
- Can you tell me more about that?
- How did you feel about that?
- What was going through your mind?
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Key Ideas
The Fallacy Of Arguments
The fallacy of our seemingly perfect argument lies in the fact that we assume that the other person is reasonable and logical, just as we are. That is not true in both cases.
...How Confirmation Bias Influences Our Communication
- When we confront new information, we interpret it to support our existing beliefs. Any thought or discussion that confirms our prejudice and thought patterns seems appealing to us and is known as confirmation bias.
- When we try to argue our case (because of course, we are right!) it strengthens the defence of the opposition.
- However wrong it seems to us, their arguments are correct too according to the confirmation bias they have experienced, which has solidified their point of view.
Figuring Out Your Opponent's Point Of View
Get into the other person’s shoes and figure out why their point of view is so important for them.
Conflict is almost inevitable in an argument due to both the parties ‘doubling down’ on their confirmation bias. Instead of going the way of souring your relations, a better approach is to have an open mind and simply understand the other person’s point of view.