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How to get over ‘never good enough’ | Psyche Guides
The roots of destructive perfectionism
A possible explanation of why people develop unhealthy perfectionism is that they grow up without a sense of support, safety, and nurturing. Another reason can be a reaction to childhood trauma or extreme cultural expectations, where appearing perfect is a strategy for survival.
The consequence of destructive perfectionism is often deep-seated emotional difficulties and unresolved traumatic experiences that might eventually turn into a potentially severe depression.
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Vulnerability
You cannot outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite. The inability to lean into the discomfort of vuln...
Daring greatly
... is about showing up and being seen, about owning our vulnerability and understanding it as the birthplace of courage.
Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both.
- What’s keeping you out of the arena? Can you name the fear? Where do you want to be braver?
- Figure out how you’re currently protecting yourself from vulnerability: Perfectionism, Cynicism, Control etc.
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Learn To Handle Criticism
If criticism makes you defensive, an attitude change can help.
Constructive criticism can show you how to improve, making your less-than-perfect performanc...
Set Reasonable Goals
Perfectionists tend to set goals of unreasonable excellence with no learning curve or room for error.
Dividing your goals into more achievable steps and rewarding yourself when you achieve them, will make you less stressed, less likely to give up and more forgiving of mistakes.
Alter Your Self-Talk In a Positive Way
Perfectionists tend to be very self-critical but this can perpetuate unhealthy behaviors and decrease their self-esteem.
By altering your self-talk positively, you can better enjoy life and gain an increased appreciation for yourself and your work.
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Resilience During A Global Crisis
- Resilience is the ability to handle and recover from stressful situations and crises. It is not simply coping up with adversity, but to experience growth and flowering, find...
Resilience: Psychological Facts
- Resilience comes automatically to most of us.
- It is part of a set of skills and behaviours and not a standalone concept.
- Resilience is not an individual trait or quality, but dependent on many contextual factors like one’s upbringing, social factors and health conditions.
- It is not a static concept but a flowing, dynamic process based on our life cycle and external conditions.
- Resilience does not make a person a superhuman being, and the journey of suffering, misery and pain has to be undertaken.
- Positivity is one-sided, and running away from negativity does not build resilience.
How To Be Resilient
- Don’t isolate yourself, but connect with others, and nurture your relationships. One can reach out to others, play and have fun by joining online or offline groups, or while going for a morning walk. One need not wait for a pandemic.
- Accept what is happening to you(and others) and allow it to exist, while taking affirmative action towards stuff that is in your control.
- Don’t avoid discomfort, but move towards it occasionally. It’s not always about comfort and convenience.
- Distance yourself from your thoughts by practicing gratitude journaling, or simply writing on paper what is on your mind.
- Find growth opportunities in adverse situations by reframing them as a new challenge, something known as Cognitive Reframing.