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Exaggeration: why we make a mountain out of a molehill
How to spot and stop exaggerating
- Be aware of the adverbs and qualifiers you're using such as “incredibly”, “the best” or similar qualifiers. Ask yourself: do these add value to the statement? Are they a true reflection of reality?
- Use realistic synonyms. Are you “exhausted” or just "tired"? Is the challenge you are facing “impossible” or just “difficult”? Instead of “starving”, maybe you're just “hungry”.
- Embrace vulnerability. Instead of trying to impress your interlocutor, focus on building an authentic connection. This will keep you away from game of exaggeration, where each person tries to top what the other said.
- Correct yourself when you catch yourself embellishing a story or bragging about an accomplishment.
- Ponder why you exaggerated. Even if you sometimes exaggerate, it’s good practice to reflect on the reason why you did it.
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Key Ideas
Narrative Habits
The way we talk to ourselves about the events in our lives is subject to the same laws of learning and habit formation that physical behaviors are.
That means we can learn to talk to ourselves in specific ways just like we can learn to tie our shoes or say please and thank you.
Events + Thoughts = Emotions
Our emotions are always mediated by some form of thinking.
If our thoughts determine how we feel, that means how we habitually think will determine how we habitually feel.
Mind Reading
It happens when we assume we understand what other people are thinking without any real evidence.
It is a failure of imagination because we often only imagine and focus on the negative aspects.
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Key Ideas
When we question our thinking
People became philosophers when they began to question what guides their thinking and analyze their thoughts.
All-or-nothing thinking
Today, one of the most common destructive thought patterns is all-or-nothing thinking. In other words, perfectionism.
Pragmatism and perfectionism
Pragmatism — as opposed to perfectionism — does not share the same paralyzing hang-ups; it takes what it can get.
Our pursuits should be aimed at progress, no matter how much it’s possible for us to make.
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Key Ideas
Replace The Bad With Some Good
Take a negative thought and change it to something encouraging that's also accurate. Repeat until you find yourself needing to do it less and less often.
Notice And Stop That Thought
Simply stopping negative thoughts in their tracks can be helpful. This is known as "thought-stopping" and can take the form of snapping a rubber band on your wrist, visualizing a stop sign, or simply changing to another thought when a negative train of thought enters your mind.
Say It Out Loud
Telling a trusted friend what you're thinking about can often lead to support or a good laugh when the negative self-talk is ridiculous. Even saying some negative self-talk phrases under your breath can remind you how unreasonable and unrealistic they sound, and remind you to give yourself a break.