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How to cultivate a sense of unconditional self-worth
Society Primes Us To Feel Unworthy
- Ads on TV tell us what we need to spend money on to become acceptable, successful or lovable.
- Our educational system measures us using standard grades and test-scores, destroying our individuality.
- Parents love our accomplishments and subtly want us to push ourselves towards greater success at the cost of our freedom of personal choice.
- Social media has highly effective metrics to measure our worthiness, like the number of followers or likes.
When we fail to do what society wants us to do, we lose approval and experience unworthiness.
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Fear of abandonment
Some people will pursue multiple relationships simultaneously because of a fear of abandonment.
They want to have a backup relationship in case something goes wrong, but in doing so, they ...
Signs of the fear of abandonment
- You feel jealous often.
- You go overboard in the relationship.
- You have thoughts about their partner or spouse leaving you.
- You demand an unrealistic portion of time with your significant other.
- You have difficulty in trusting their partner or spouse and are controlling.
- You always look out for the next relationship or significant other to replace the one most recently lost.
- You feel unworthy, less than or unworthy of love.
- You have lower self-esteem/ self-confidence.
- You end relationships before the other person can.
- You stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of the fear of being abandoned or alone.
- You will pursue relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.
The reason behind the fear of abandonment
Generally, people who have a fear of abandonment feel they are not worthy of being loved.
When a child is attached to someone, and the person leaves them, they are left feeling that they were not fully loved. Even though this is likely not the truth, the child will wonder what made them unlovable. As an adult, they may still feel there is something about them that makes them not worthy. They often believe they should control things so that the person doesn't leave them.
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Key Ideas
Writing down our memories
There is a difference between seeing - which is passive - and writing down something you have seen, something you have heard, something you have experienced. Writing it down captures the me...
Writing to bear witness
- Brainstorm and jot it down: Start with the prompt, "The time when..." List at least ten things.
- Narrow it down and focus: Go back to your list of ten and pick three things that are really bothering you, and you feel strongly about. Take 30 minutes of uninterrupted time to write. Focus on the details, the order of events, and especially how they made you feel.
- Pick one and tell your story: You don't have to write a memoir or be a creative writer. You can also write it from someone else's perspective. Writing it down is to say that this thing did happen.
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Key Ideas
Meditation
Meditation significantly lowers depression, stress, and anxiety – the key reasons for a restless mind.
Elimination of these factors greatly helps in improving concentration, thus increa...
Playing Puzzles
Puzzle games and crosswords are both good mind stimulators and can improve your brain power, confidence, and self-esteem.
Their inherent attractiveness lies in the fact they are challenging. Solving puzzles makes your brain work continuously, thus making you push the limits of your intellect.
Artwork
A hobby that you can pursue in a relaxed and non-competitive environment opens up the creative windows of your mind.
Try something like embroidery instead of the usual paintings and water-color drawings.