“Explain it to me again” - Deepstash

“Explain it to me again”

We don't know everything, especially when it comes to someone else's beliefs and opinions. People are complex. Someone who belongs to a political party, group, or religion, may not agree with everything that group does or believes.

When someone is trying to explain how they feel, don't assume you already know. Instead, ask clarifying questions. Repeat back what they say to demonstrate and build comprehension.

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MORE IDEAS FROM Say This, Not That: 5 Phrases to Improve Discussion

Improving conversations

Differing opinions and debates are good things as they help us balance each other out and move us forward as a society. But, such discussions can often turn into a situation where feelings are hurt, egos are wounded, and rifts end up much deeper than before.

This kind of damage is easily avoided by choosing phrases that will improve conversation.

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Most people have more in common than they think. A genuine agreement is a great tool during an argument. Saying, "You're right" or "I agree with you" can establish some common ground to have a productive or meaningful conversation.

Along with that, you should still avoid saying "You're wrong" as it immediately puts someone on their guard and alienates them.

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Often, a personal attack has nothing to do with the subject of the argument. Most people have good reasons for thinking or feeling the way they do. People also have good intentions. They don't feel a certain way because they're heartless or mean but believe their opinion is really "better " in some way.

Recognise their good intent and refuse to use ad hominem attacks to bring them down and thus "win" the argument.

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It is frustrating when you're arguing with someone, and you feel like they don't listen. But you really only have control over what you do. You can't make someone listen to you, but you can listen to them.

Instead of accusing the other person of not listening, say "I'm listening," followed by repeating what they just said. Once they feel heard, they'll feel respected. When they feel respected, they're more likely to return the favour.

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Sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. For example, if one or both of you are getting emotional or worked up, you're repeating the same arguments, or arguments are starting to get personal.

If you get to the point where your relationship might be in jeopardy, or you're starting to be unkind, it's okay to let it go. If the discussion needs to be stopped, be the one to stop it.

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RELATED IDEA

According to a 2019 study, here are the top three conflict triggers that upset, irritate, hurt, or anger partners

1. Condescension (i.e., you are treated as stupid or inferior; your partner acts like they think they’re better than you.

2. Possessiveness, jealousy and/or dependency (i.e., your partner demands too much attention or time or is overly jealous, possessive, or dependent)

3. Neglect, rejection and/or unreliability (i.e., your partner ignores your feelings, doesn’t call or text, doesn’t say they love you)

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Make small talk

You communicate a genuine interest when you inquire or listen to the small details that make up your partner’s day. It’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.

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Saying things like 'I understand why you'd feel that way...' or 'Anyone would feel like that in the same situation' validates the other person's emotions and completely disarms them.

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