Social Skills Are 80% Listening - Deepstash

Social Skills Are 80% Listening

Listening, the effort taken to correctly understand the social context and minds of other people, is probably more like 80% of social skills, with the last 20% being delivery of your message.

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MORE IDEAS FROM How to Learn Social Skills | Scott H Young

Coordinating With The People Around You

In large organizations, being a great programmer, designer or writer is useless if you can’t effectively coordinate with the people around you. And in bigger organizations, the people around you can easily become the biggest obstacle to that success.

Knowing how to deal with people artfully, therefore, can easily become a key skill to success. 

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It’s possible to be good at speaking but bad at listening or vice versa. A key part of effective speaking is understanding the listerners’ states of mind.

Many good speakers fail to land a joke, for instance, because they don’t understand very well how the person who is listening is actually processing what is being said.

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Poor social skills are a real disadvantage because this is often seen as a moral failure rather than a merely intellectual one. 

Having good social skills is more risk-avoidance than reward-seeking. Having good social skills is about avoiding misfires which cause mutual communication to break down.

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Social intelligence, like common intelligence, is most likely a mix of innate predisposition and effortful learning

Some people, like it or not, have intrinsic personalities or capacities that make them more charismatic, likable, and socially intelligent. However, at the same time, acquired knowledge and skill matters as well. 

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The way to improve at anything is to practice.

Feedback is an important mechanism for practice. You try something, you get a response, and you use that response to adjust your output for next time. 

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RELATED IDEA

Learning with flashcards

Flashcards can be a powerful learning tool, but they can also be a waste of time.

  • They are powerful because retrieval and spacing are key to memory. If you have a lot of information to memorise, flashcards will help you the best.
  • But flashcards can also waste your time. You may memorise something you don't need, or fail to memorise the important things. But most of all, flashcards can be a way to avoid doing the real thing.

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Since time is a fixed quantity, everything you say yes to implies a no to something else and vice versa.

Saying yes subtly squeezes everything else, but rarely in ways we can easily perceive. When saying no, what is left over is enriched, but this additional space is often neglected.

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Why we fail to motivate ourselves

Two factors contribute to a lack of motivation.

  • Lack of drive. The object of our goals may just not be worthwhile.
  • Pain from progress. Something might be in the way of our progress. It may be fears, but most often, it is drudgery, effort or boredom.

The two factors can work separately. We may have a few problems but little drive and thus don't move ahead. Or our goal could be very desirous, but a proportionately large pain can hinder us from moving forward.

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