How they keep their commitments

Check how someone acts on social media versus reality.

Do they always need to put on a show, humblebrag, or showcase every “amazing” detail of their day—even though their life is ordinary? It can say a lot about how a person thinks, how they feel, and what motivates them.

The point of these checks isn’t to judge someone. It's simply to gauge someone's personality—in that moment—and see if it aligns with your values, your goals, and what's important to you.

In "Blink: The power of thinking without thinking", Malcolm Gladwell shared a study where the personality of 80 students was assessed by those students’ closest friends versus complete strangers who only spent 15 minutes visiting their bedrooms. Turns out, the complete strangers were more accurate.

I you can visit someone’s home, even better. But anytime you get a ride from someone, it might tell you quite a bit about that person. How you do one thing is how you do everything.

A common test is how people treat service staff at restaurants, cafes, etc...

The bigger picture is however, how people treat those who can do absolutely nothing for them or to them. (Waiters, on the other hand, can definitely do something to you.)

Strangers on the street. People selling flowers on the sidewalk. Janitors. People “below” their position at work. How does someone treat those people or talk about them?

We all make mistakes. But when you address it in a respectful, kind, and fair way, how do they respond?

• Do they apologize and commit to avoiding it?
• Do they make excuses, get defensive, or go silent?
• Do they blame you, accuse you of making it a big deal, or go back in time and list your transgressions (that they never mentioned before and have been saving just for this occasion)?

On the other hand, if you make an honest mistake and apologize, how do they respond?

• Do they respect you and share how they feel? Do they take it in stride?
• Do they make things personal and say, “You always ____” or “You never _____?”
• Do they belittle you, hold a grudge, or insult your character, intelligence, etc.?

Some people don't really have an established sense of self—who they are changes completely depending on who they talk to. And they only put on their “A-Game” when they’re around a person they like, they admire, or they want something from.

• Do they put on a special show around certain people?
• Do they “kiss up” to people above them while ignoring people below them?
• Do they “friend hop” to climb their way up the social ladder?