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Listen to the answers
A good conversation is only possible if you are really listening. Stephen Covey writes that most of us don't listen with the intent to understand; we listen to reply.
Part of the pleasure of better-quality conversations comes from being curious. If you struggle listening to others, consider how much the other person will appreciate it. Asking follow-up questions will make people feel like they're being heard and listened to.
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We crave meaningful conversation
While we know the value of small talk, it still falls short of what many people are craving: meaningful conversation, where we can dive deeper.
A key feature of deeper conversations is that you get absorbed in the conversation and learn something important about yourself, the other person...
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Three components that make conversations valuable
- Self-expression - the sharing of key aspects of who you are as a person. Most of us are hungry for an opportunity to share what we're thinking and explore things that matter to us. Sharing them with an interested listener who validates those thoughts make us feel understood...
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The value of small talk
Small talk can be defined by how much information is exchanged. If you know nothing more about the other person than you knew before the conversation, then it is small talk.
Research shows that small talk with people, even with strangers, can boost our mood. While small ta...
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Be prepared to give and take
A good conversation is more likely to happen if you follow this simple rule: I will give you the space to speak and will listen to what you say. You show interest in the other person, and the person shows interest in what you have to say.
This is not easy and perhaps the r...
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Come ready to learn
Suppose you know that you're going to meet a particular person or group of people. In that case, the chances are that meaningful conversation will not so much be derived from an exchange of personal information but from having a satisfying conversation about an interesting topic or issue.
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Small talk as a necessary first step
While small talk doesn't produce intellectual reflection or arouse reflection, the initial conversational exchanges fulfil a social function.
Small talk can be seen as the inactive ingredient in a medicine that holds the pill together. In other words, small talk la...
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Be willing to share about yourself
There is a critical moment of transition in the development of any relationship - it is the moment when you decide to share something more personal about yourself.
Exposing a part of your inner self will encourage your partner to open up too. If it feels daunting, remembe...
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How to connect with people
To break the ice with a stranger or an acquaintance, comment on your shared situation. For example, commenting on the conference talk you've both just listened to, or the traffic or weather. You can also try giving a compliment, or ask the other person something about themselves....
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Ask better questions
We like to talk about topics that interest us. But to have better conversations, step out of yourself for a moment and think more about the other person.
Ask open-ended questions, starting with who, what, when, where, why or how. "What was that like?" "How...
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Ask the right kinds of questions
- Show your interest and keep the conversation flowing.
- Follow-up questions can make conversations less superficial.
- People are more willing to reveal sensitive or personal information when the toughest questions are asked at the beginning of the conversation....
The Listening Skill
- Listening is one of the most important but hardest skills to achieve. The stuff we want to say, our ego, and impatience get in the way of being a good listener.
- A simple trick to be an effective listener is to focus on listening actively with the intention to summ...
Your natural desire is to talk
Most of us want to appear knowledgeable by sharing what we know. This can stop us from listening to the other person because we only consider our clever response.
When you really listen to the other person, you can form insightful questions that naturally continue the conv...
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