Create The Illusion of Control - Deepstash
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Create The Illusion of Control

  • Don’t try to force your opponent to admit that you are right.
  • Avoid questions that can be answered with “Yes” or tiny pieces of information. Ask calibrated questions that start with the words “How” or “What.”
  • “Why” is always an accusation, in any language.
  • Calibrate your questions to point your counterpart toward solving your problem.
  • When you’re attacked in a negotiation, pause and avoid angry emotional reactions.
  • There is always a team on the other side. If you are not influencing those behind the table, you are vulnerable.

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Identify Your Counterpart’s Negotiating Style

  • The accomodator: The most important thing to this type of negotiator is the time spent building the relationship; as long as there is a freeflowing continuous exchange of information time is being well spent.
  • The analyst: Analysts are methodical and ...

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7.31K reads

Passage Of Time: The Most Important Tool For Negotiators

Passage Of Time: The Most Important Tool For Negotiators

Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard and we risk undermining the rapport and trust we’ve built.

The passage of time is one of the most important tools for a negotiator

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10.7K reads

Tactical Empathy

Tactical empathy means balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person.

Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves mo...

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19.9K reads

Life Is A Negotiation

Life Is A Negotiation

  • The majority of the interactions we have at work and at home represent negotiations.
  • Negotiation serves two distinct functions: information gathering and behavior influencing—and includes almost any interaction where each party wants something from the other side.

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CHRIS VOSS

"Negotiation as you’ll learn it here is nothing more than communication with results. Getting what you want out of life is all about getting what you want from—and with—other people. Conflict between two parties is inevitable in all relationships. So it’s useful—crucia...

CHRIS VOSS

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Types of Leverage

Types of Leverage

  • Positive Leverage: Your ability as a negotiator to supply or withhold things that your counterpart
  • Negative Leverage: A negotiator’s ability to form his counterpart suffer
  • Normative Leverage: Using the opposite party’s norms ...

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8.92K reads

The Mirroring Technique

The Mirroring Technique

A “mirror” is when you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.

Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring ...

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10.5K reads

The Rule Of Three In Negotiation

The Rule Of Three In Negotiation

It means getting the other person to agree to the same thing three times in the same conversation.

In doing so, it uncovers problems before they happen. It’s really hard to repeatedly lie or fake conviction.

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8.35K reads

“No” Has A Lot Of Skills

“No” Has A Lot Of Skills

  • No” allows the real issues to be brought forth
  • “No” protects people from making—and lets them correct— ineffective decisions
  •  “No” slows things down so that people can freely embrace their decisions and the agreements they enter into
  • “No” helps people feel safe, secur...

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8.96K reads

Your Voice When Negotiating

Your most powerful tool in any verbal communication is your voice.

There are essentially 3 voice tones available to negotiators: 

  • The late-night FM DJ voice: Inflect your voice downward, keeping it calm and slow, to create an aura of authority.

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Labelling Emotions

Instead of ignoring emotions, good negotiators identify or influence them.

Labeling is a technique used to acknowledge a counterpart’s emotion, leaving them feeling validated:

  • Detect the other person’s emotional state
  • After spotting an em...

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Negotiation: "That’s Right" > " Yes'

Reaching “that’s right” in a negotiation creates breakthroughs (it conveys true understanding of someone's reality).

Use a summary to trigger a “that’s right.” The building blocks of a good summary are a label combined with paraphrasing. Identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm “t...

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8.58K reads

The Framing Effect

The Framing Effect

It happens when people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed.

People place greater value on moving from 90 percent to 100 percent—high probability to certainty—than from 45 percent to 55 percent, even though they’re both ten percentage points.

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CHRIS VOSS

"Great negotiators seek 'No' because they know that’s often when the real negotiation begins."

CHRIS VOSS

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9.77K reads

Chris Voss

"Contrary to popular opinion, listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do."

CHRIS VOSS

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22.6K reads

The Pinocchio Effect

The Pinocchio Effect

People who are lying are more worried about being believed, so they work harder at being believable.

The researchers dubbed this the Pinocchio Effect because, just like Pinocchio’s nose, the number of words grew along with the lie.

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CHRIS VOSS

"The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want. The latter will help you discover the former."

CHRIS VOSS

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