<ul><li>Loneliness doesn’t stop when we are surrounded by people. It stops when we are seen for who we truly are.</li><li>Actions and words both have value, it’s when the two don’t align that the value is lost.</li><li>Our partner cannot fulfill our needs, and it’s not their job to do so.</li><li>If it doesn’t bring peace, profits, or purpose, then don’t give it your time, energy, or attention.</li><li>A lot of conversations need to be had in person. Tones need to be heard, facial expressions need to be seen.</li><li>Your greatest test will be how you handle people who mishandled you.</li><li>You can mute people in real life too. It’s called boundaries.</li></ul>

What are some things you realize as you get older?

<ul><li>Never lose your self-respect for someone who doesn’t care about your feelings and emotions.</li><li>Some people will always be important, with or without a conversation.</li><li>When you care for someone more than they deserve, you get hurt more than you deserve.</li><li>The people we choose to spend time with will shape who we become.</li><li>Life hack: Replace judgment with curiosity.</li></ul>

In 2006, U.S. News and World Report listed coaching as one of the 10 top growing professions. The first edition of Therapist as Life Coach, published in 2002, anticipated this trend, and since its publication it has become a standard for therapists who wish to transition or expand their practices into life coaching. Pat Williams and Deborah C. Davis have finally revised their classic practice-building book for today's therapists and future coaches. Every chapter in this second edition has been updated and rewritten, reflecting the growth of the coaching field and its increasing appeal to not only therapists, but all helping professionals. The book begins by exploring the history of the coaching movement and shows how society is hungry for life coaches. The second part of the book explains in detail the differences and similarities between coaching and therapy, discusses the coaching relationship, and considers some of the skills therapists will need to learn and unlearn in order to reclaim their joyfulness about their work. Professional transition tools such as developing and marketing your practice and honing your coaching skills are discussed at length in Part Three. The final section moves beyond basic life coaching to introduce coaching specialties such as corporate coaching, offers self-care strategies for life coaches, and peeks into the future of life coaching. There is new material throughout, including an overview of recent coaching developments, updated liability concerns, new business opportunities, and a new section on the research about coaching. Coaching gives practitioners the opportunity to break free of managed care and excessive reliance on the insurance industry and to work with a wide range of clients—specifically, those who are not suffering from mental illness but, rather, seeking to maximize their life potential. This book will help you enter this lucrative and personally enriching world with the skills and knowledge you need to build a successful coaching practice.

habits

Habits

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

books

Books

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Patrick Williams

Deborah C. Davis

Therapist as Life Coach: An Introduction for Counselors and Other Helping Professionals (Revised and Expanded)

One great way to connect with people is by being interested in them and in the things that interest them.

How To Connect With People

If you want to make a good impression, giving yourself the value you deserve is crucial. Before expecting people to value you, think well of you, and admire you. You can't expect others others to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself

How To Make Good Impression 

Poeple don't want to be judged. They want to be liked and made to feel important

Stop Judging 

Do you feel awkward when you are around people? You don't really know what to say or how to start a conversation on a Networking event? Having problems with your boss or employees and don't know how to convince them to follow your lead? Do you want to improve the relationships with your spouse, confidants, or friends? Or would you just like to improve your people skills and your ability to create powerfully, lasting impressions on everyone you get in touch with from this day on? In his new book How to become a People Magnet international bestselling author and personal development consultant Marc Reklau reveals the secrets and psychology behind successful relationships with other people. Your success and happiness in life - at home and in business -, to a great extent, depend on how you get along with other people. Are you able to influence and persuade them? Although success can mean something different for each person, there is one common denominator: other people. The most successful people, quite often, aren't the ones with superior intelligence or the best skills, and the happiest people most times aren't smarter than we are, yet they are the ones who have the greatest people skills. In this practical and straightforward guide, you will learn specific principles that will help you to build more powerful relationships, stronger connections, and leave a positive, lasting impression on everyone you get in touch with. Most of them are common sense, but it's always good to have a reminder, because as they say "Common sense is the least common of all senses." How to become a People Magnet will give you the tools you need to achieve the results you have always desired and become great with people. You will learn: <ul> <li>What the most important subject of any conversation is</li> <li>How influence others</li> <li>How to create powerful relationships</li> <li>How to make a great first impression and achieve that people like you immediately</li> <li>How to really connect with people on a deeper level</li> <li>How to convince people and get them to say yes to you</li> <li>How to communicate effectively</li> <li>How to avoid committing the deadly sin in human relations</li> <li>How to make the human ego the ally in any of your endeavors</li> <li>How to handle complaints and critics smoothly</li> <li>How to multiply your influence</li> <li>How to get and hold people's attention</li> <li>How to listen effectively and be the most intelligent person in the room</li> <li>How to use body language to build immediate trust and make stronger connections</li> <li>How to get everyone to want to be around you</li> </ul> ...and much more... Good skills with people many times make the difference between losing your job or getting a promotion: between making the sale or losing it; between great customer service and being expandable as a supplier; between being THE ONE or just a friend; between a smile and an angry look. Once again it's small changes that will cause big results. Becoming a people magnet is easier than you thought. Apply the advice of this book and your life will never be the same. The benefits are countless, and the results will show anywhere people are involved. Download your copy today by clicking the BUY NOW button at the top of this page!

education

Learning & Education

Marc Reklau (Esslingen am Neckar, Germany, 1973) is an Award Winning and #1 Amazon Best Selling Author, Coach and Personal Development Expert. His current home base is the beautiful city of Barcelona, Spain. Marc's mission is to empower people to create the life they want and to give them the resources and tools to make it happen.He spent thousands of hours researching, studying and applying the principles and secrets of success and happiness. His message is simple:Many people want to change things in their lives, but few are willing to do a simple set of exercises constantly over a period of time. You can plan and create success and happiness in your life by installing habits that support you on the way to your goal.

Marc Reklau

How to Become a People Magnet

Without realizing it, we have created different versions of ourselves that define how we see and react to other people.
People only see the version of us that we want them to see.

We Are Who We Decided To Be

We master anger, envy, and other negative behaviors, and they slowly become who we are.The same way we have mastered these negativities, we have to master love.Still, many find it hard to accomplish this because of the hurt that we feel or the belief that it-is-impossible.

We determine our mastery

Fear is the enemy of growth.

As a person grows older, they lose their innocence, and hence, always try to follow societal beliefs.This distorts a person’s capacity to love.The same mind–limiting framework governs the way we relate with others.If an individual had an abusive relationship with their parents, they might find themselves gravitating towards abusive relationships, as they believe that being abused is the only way to get attention.

Mind-limiting Framework

Relationships must have their foundation in true love, and not in the need to get someone to validate our actions or to make us happy.

Relationship Needs Good Foundation

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

The quality of relationship depends on the attitude of all the parties involved.<ul><li>Love is respect. We should not control or change the people you love.</li><li>Love is always kind. In contrast, fear drives you to anger, which is basically a mask for fear itself.</li><li>Love embraces responsibility. If you love someone, you will never shy away from the responsibilities that the relationship places on you.</li><li>Love is unconditional. There is no reason to be ashamed of the people you claim to love.</li></ul>

Love Is…

We will only love a person that we don’t feel the need to change.Therefore, we must identify the strengths and the flaws of our partner, and accept them.Also, do not project our sadness on our spouse. Realize that everyone has our own baggage, and so, carry ours.

Accepting Is Important

People is addicted to love because they go into relationships for the wrong reasons.They know what loneliness and rejection mean. Therefore, as soon as they get a sniff of love, they jump at it.This will spur them to become obsessive. They are scared of returning to their state of loneliness.Instead of loving out of fear, we are advised to love ourselves first.Self–love will help us cherish being alone, which will stop us from jumping into a relationship for the wrong reasons.

The Wrong Reasons

If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.

When we start loving yourself more, it is easier to see the truth.It also becomes easy to block those lies that people keep telling us.We should uncover the truth to those lies we have always used to limit our growth.

Self-love

Study ourselves deeply and determine what works for us.Understand how we can break free of our past hurts.If someone keeps draining our energy, find a way to remove ourselves from that situation.

Learn Ourselves 

The Mastery of Love explains how we can turn hurt into a learning curve, including how to handle fear.

From the international bestselling author of The Four Agreements In The Mastery of Love, don Miguel Ruiz illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships. Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, Ruiz shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships. The Mastery of Love includes: • Why “domestication” and the “image of perfection” lead to self-rejection• The war of control that slowly destroys most relationships• Why we hunt for love in others, and how to capture the love inside us• How to finally accept and forgive ourselves and others “Happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love. When you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of your love, this becomes the greatest mastery of the Toltec: the Mastery of Love.” — don Miguel Ruiz__________________ About the Authors Don Miguel Ruiz is the international bestselling author of The Four Agreements (a New York Times bestseller for over a decade), The Four Agreements Companion Book, The Mastery of Love, The Voice of Knowledge, The Circle of Fire, and The Fifth Agreement. The teachings of Ruiz are best known for transforming complex human issues into simple common sense — a talent that has earned him millions of fans and international acclaim. Janet Mills is the founder and president of Amber-Allen publishing. She is also the coauthor, with don Miguel Ruiz, of six books in The Toltec Wisdom Series, creator of The Four Agreements for a Better Life online course, and editor of Deepak Chopra’s bestselling title, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Her life’s mission is to publish books of enduring beauty, integrity, and wisdom, and to inspire others to fulfill their most cherished dreams.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

philosophy

Philosophy

Don Miguel Ruiz is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Don Miguel Ruiz has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Don Miguel Ruiz's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Don Miguel Ruiz

Janet Mills is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Janet Mills has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Janet Mills's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Janet Mills

The Mastery of Love

Some of us need more space than others.  There’s nothing wrong with that, we just have boundaries we don’t like crossed and need more time to recharge from social interactions and group events.  Here’s how to find out if you’re one of these “boundary setters” who just needs a bit more personal space.

Introduction

The first of the signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you trust your internal compass. This means that you set your iwn boundaries and don’t look to others to tell you what you should or should not want. Simply put, you trust your own judgment. As a “boundary setter” you’re not the type who follow others easily. You trust yourself and your perceptions and judgments.

1) You’ve learned To Trust Your Internal Compass

No matter how extroverted you are, you aware and know when you need a bit more time and space on your own to recharge. Not only are you not ashamed of asking for this, you don’t feel any weakness or embarrassment about asking for it. You trust what you contribute to a group and you deserve your time off and your own private space at times.

2) You Don’t Feel Guilty About Asking For Personal Space

Another of the key benefits and signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that your relationships experience a surge in honesty and wellbeing.  Far from being a relationship ender, being honest about needing space is actually a courageous thing to say.  A secure partner is not going to take this personally and if they know you well they will understand that this isn’t a personal issue or conflict but just the way you are wired.  <a href="https://hackspirit.com/healthy-boundaries-in-relationships/">Having boundaries in relationships </a>doesn’t mean you are avoidant attachment type or anything difficult, it just means that you may need more space than most and have limits about the amount of physical and emotional intensity you can stomach in one go.

3) You feel more secure in your relationships because you’re being honest

Next up is that you set boundaries for your recuperation and space after attending group events or gatherings.  Whether they were business or personal, you need your space after being around many people for too long.  You counterbalance group activities with time alone and that’s just the way it goes.

4) You Find You Need Time Alone After Group Events

The next of the signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you enjoy socializing but you have limits about how much of it you want. In your personal life, you enjoy some deep and casual friendships, but you’re really not a social machine.  There are times when you would honestly rather chill with a glass of wine on your back deck than talk to the most fascinating person in the world.

5) You Enjoy Socializing, But Sometimes You Just Want To Chill

When you’re feeling drained and need time alone, you’re not shy to say it. As such, you don’t feel shame or guilt about turning down an invitation or social event. Of course, there are times when work requires you to show up to meetings or socially-oriented events where you don’t have much of a choice. But as much as possible, you exercise your free right to decline some social event invitation.

6) You’re Honest About When You’re Not Up For Social Events

Of course being a “boundary setter” doesn’t mean everybody is just automatically going to respect your boundaries. There will be those who straight up don’t respect your need for space and those who try to manipulate you or take advantage of you. In that regard, even if you’re a fairly calm, you will observe that one of the few things able to push you over the edge is people who won’t respect the boundaries you set.

7) You Lose Your Temper On Anybody Disrespect Your Boundari

If and when folks cross your lines, you don’t let them back in your good graces unless and until they sincerely apologize.  If they accept that you need your space and say sorry for pushing you, you will usually give them another chance.  But part of your boundary setting is that you’re not in the business of being a dupe who lets your lines be crossed repeatedly, especially by the same person.

8) You Expect Apologies When People Cross Your Lines

When it does come to the subject of work, you have boundaries at work as well. We’ve all done crummy jobs we didn’t exactly want to do but had to do in order to earn money. That’s part of the experience of learning and growing. But one of the top signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you will turn down jobs that force you into constant interaction.

9) You Turn Down Jobs That Force You Into Constant Interaction

There are times when business and pleasure mix, and it’s certainly possible to make good friends at work. But one of the top signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you tend to divide your life into work and personal. You don’t tend to mix the both, and if you do then you clearly define the line.

10) You Tend To Divide Life Into Extrovert Time & Personal Tim

There are times when even the most disciplined and self-aware “boundary setter” forgets to set boundaries or gets manipulated or persuaded into crossing their limits. When this happens you don’t beat yourself up. You stand up and you do hold yourself to a high standard, but you’re never harsh on yourself about falling short. You know that expecting perfection from yourself is a recipe for disaster.

11) You're Still Strong When You Fall Short Of Setting Boundary

We all need space from time to time.  If you’re a “boundary setter” then you just need a bit more space than the average person.  This often means you have more gifts to give to the world but you need a bit more of a buffer zone to recharge your battery.  Knowing your limits is a big advantage in life, so never be afraid to ask for some space and meet your need for time alone.

Give me Space

If you’re a “boundary setter” then you just need a bit more space than the average person. Knowing your limits is a big advantage in life, so never be afraid to ask for some space and meet your need for time alone.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

humanresources

Human Resources

11 Signs You're A "Boundary Setter" Who Needs Personal Space

What is the hardest truth of life?

Be careful with your words. You never know how many times it keeps repeating in someone's mind.

People Don't Care

All relatives don't think of your Goodwill

Relatives

People look so different once you don't care about them anymore. You begin to notice how “ordinary” they are

Ordi

How you're treated is more important than how much you like someone

Impo

The biggest communication problem is that we don't listen to understand. We listen to reply and react.

Communication Problem 

Always leave people better than you found them

Always 

No one thinks good for you except your partn. I repeat, no one!

No One

Very few friends are happy with your success. Most of your bffs leave you. “No forever!”

Very Few

Everyone has feelings which are hard to hide but difficult to express

Everyone 

It's very manipulative that our angry side is always seen as our “true colours”, as if when we are happy and being kind, we're being fake.

Manipulative 

health

Health

Hardest Truth

Good leaders have to set up a clear directions for their team and enable them to get the job done. The Alignment has to do with setting clear goals and objectives.But the Autonomy axis can be looked at in different ways. John Cutler, product manager extraordinaire, points at 3 dimensions:<ol><li>Diversity, dissent, openness to change</li><li>Empowerment</li><li>Creativity </li></ol>Looked at these he classifies the companies into 12 (sometimes overlapping) batches.

Alignment vs Autonomy

A company with a clear direction can be:<ul><li>Resilient - High diversity, dissent, openness to change: "Our company is like a well-oiled machine; we're all on the same page and we value different ideas making us stronger and better prepared."</li><li>Collaborative - High empowerment: "We're all working towards the same goals, and everyone has the freedom to contribute and make a difference."</li><li>Visionary - High creativity: "Our organisation not only has a clear direction, but it also encourages us to think outside the box and push boundaries - we're always striving to innovate and lead the wave"</li></ul>

High Alignment, High Autonomy

<ul><li>Conformist - Low diversity, dissent, openness to change: "We're all expected to follow the same rules and procedures, but that sometimes stifles new ideas and prevents us from adapting quickly to new challenges."</li><li>Authoritarian - Low empowerment: "We have a strong sense of direction, but it's top-down and there's little room for individual input or autonomy, making it feel more like a dictatorship than a team."</li><li>Rigid - Low creativity: “Our organization is laser-focused on its goals, but that focus can sometimes come at the expense of creativity and innovation.”</li></ul>

High Alignment, Low Autonomy

Fragmented - Low diversity, dissent, openness to change: "Our workplace feels disjointed, with no clear direction & a lack of diverse ideas, making it difficult for us to grow and adapt as a team."Disconnected - Low empowerment: "We're often left feeling uncertain about our goals and direction & without the power to make meaningful contributions, it's hard to feel engaged or connected to our work."Stagnant - Low creativity: "Our organization seems to be stuck in a rut, lacking both a clear sense of direction & the creative spark needed to innovate and thrive in todav's competitive landscape."

Low Alignment, Low Autonomy

<ul><li>Pluralistic - High diversity, dissent, openness to change: "We may not always have a unified direction, but the diverse perspectives and open dialogue make our organization an exciting and dynamic place to work."</li><li>Decentralized - High empowerment: "While we might lack a clear, overarching strategy, the autonomy and decision-making authority given to each team make our organization feel more like a network of empowered entrepreneurs."</li><li>Exploratory - High creativity: "We may not always have a well-defined path, but we're constantly experimenting, learning &pushing the boundaries of what's possible<warningtag>."</warningtag></li></ul>

Low Alignment, High Autonomy

Categorize companies based on their autonomy relative to alignment. 

business

Business

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

12 Company Types

Avoid sitting around waiting for an invitation and be willing to initiate social interactions and events. If you want to spend time or do something with someone, go for it.If you don’t ever initiate social interactions, others may believe that you aren’t interested in their company.

Always Assume Initiative

If you’re interested in forming deeper relationships with others, you have to get over the fear of voicing opinions or being controversial.If you’re always agreeable and afraid to speak honestly about things you care about, you will be perceived as nice, but almost no one will know who you really are.Being afraid to talk about your passions and opinions or to ask questions about things you’re curious about is essentially concealing your identity from others and making you difficult to trust or bond with.

Honesty Is The Antidote

”You’ll be liked by everyone but loved by no one.”

When you consistently express your honest opinions, you’re bound to come across people who completely disagree and run the other way.That’s a good thing, because you can tell pretty quickly who will be sticking around, and those are usually the people who you can bond with.It’s better to opt for honest communication and a quick rejection than dishonest communication and a gradual rejection.

Rejection Is A Tool 

Gradual rejection is when the rejection occurs later on in a relationship and is usually between two people are incompatible, but afraid of communicating honestly.They begin to get frustrated and bitter over their fundamental differences that were never sorted out at the beginning, which often results in a lot more pain.E.g. two people getting into a relationship, only to breakup later down the line because of their differences.

Gradual Rejection 

A lot of people have a difficult time finding others who share their hobbies, interests, and opinions.This is because they tend to only look for people in the most general of places.To increase your chances of finding others you can connect with, go to places or events where people who share your interests and values are.E.g. going to church if you’re a Christian, or joining a sports team if you’re passionate about a sport.

Demographics 

Here’s a summary of Better Ideas’ video on how to make more friends.

For a limited time, use the link in my description to get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership: https://skl.sh/betterideas8 Silly video: https://youtu.be/wwAfPhRwit8 Subreddit: https://reddit.com/r/betterideas Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeyschweitzer Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/179287156102224/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/joeyschweitz Algorithm Babble: This is a video about how I learned to make more friends. It helps you get better at making friends, and improving social skills, and it's a self improvement video. Hey it's Better Ideas welcome to Joey. Ok bye. 🎥 The Gear I Use: https://kit.co/betterideas

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

problemsolving

Problem Solving

videos

Videos

For a limited time, use the link in my description to get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership: https://skl.sh/betterideas8

Silly video: https://youtu.be/wwAfPhRwit8

Subreddit: https://reddit.com/r/betterideas
Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeyschweitzer
Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/179287156102224/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/joeyschweitz

Algorithm Babble: This is a video about how I learned to make more friends. It helps you get better at making friends, and improving social skills, and it's a self improvement video. Hey it's Better Ideas welcome to Joey. Ok bye.
🎥 The Gear I Use: https://kit.co/betterideas

Created by Joey Schweitzer

Inaction is a Slow Death.

Better Ideas, betterideas

Better Ideas

How I learned to make more friends

𝐇𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝟐𝟎 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐱𝐲𝐭𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐧, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.

𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐭

An amazing fact about hugging someone

Here are just a few examples. There is ‘gaslighting’, which involves encouraging someone to doubt her own judgment and to rely on the manipulator’s advice instead. Guilt trips make someone feel excessively guilty about failing to do what the manipulator wants her to do. Charm offensives and peer pressure induce someone to care so much about the manipulator’s approval that she will do as the manipulator wishes.

We Are Constantly Subject To Attempts At Manipulation

Perhaps manipulation is wrong because it harms the person being manipulated. Certainly, manipulation often harms. If successful, manipulative cigarette ads contribute to disease and death; manipulative phishing and other scams facilitate identity theft and other forms of fraud; manipulative social tactics can support abusive or unhealthy relationships; political manipulation can foment division and weaken democracy. But manipulation is not always harmful.

Is Manipulation Wrong Because It Harms?

Suppose that Amy just left an abusive-yet-faithful partner, but in a moment of weakness she is tempted to go back to him. Now imagine that Amy’s friends employ the same techniques that Shakespeare’s Iago used on Othello. They manipulate Amy into (falsely) believing – and being outraged – that her ex-partner was not only abusive, but unfaithful as well. If this manipulation prevents Amy from reconciling, she might be better off than she would have been had her friends not manipulated her.

Beneficial Manipulation

Yet, to many, Amy’s friends’ manipulation could still seem morally dodgy. Intuitively, it would have been morally better for her friends to employ non-manipulative means to help Amy avoid backsliding. Something remains morally dubious about manipulation, even when it helps rather than harms the person being manipulated. So harm cannot be the reason that manipulation is wrong.

No, Manipulation Is Not Wrong Because It Harms. 

Perhaps manipulation is wrong because it involves techniques that are inherently immoral ways to treat other human beings. This thought might be especially appealing to those inspired by the idea that morality requires us to treat each other as rational beings rather than mere objects. Perhaps the only proper way to influence the behaviour of other rational beings is by rational persuasion, and thus any form of influence other than rational persuasion is morally improper. But for all its appeal, this answer also falls short, for it would condemn many forms of influence that are morally benign.

Is Manipulation Wrong Because It Is Morally Dubious?

For example, much of Iago’s manipulation involves appealing to Othello’s emotions. But emotional appeals are not always manipulative. Moral persuasion often appeals to empathy, or attempts to convey how it would feel to have others doing to you what you are doing to them.

Morally Benign Influence 

Similarly, getting someone to fear something that really is dangerous, to feel guilty about something that really is immoral, or to feel a reasonable level of confidence in one’s actual abilities, do not seem like manipulation. Even invitations to doubt one’s own judgment might not be manipulative in situations where – perhaps due to intoxication or strong emotions – there really is good reason to do so. Not every form of non-rational influence seems to be manipulative.

Not Every Form Of Non-rational Influence Is Manipulative

It appears, then, that whether an influence is manipulative depends on how it is being used. Iago’s actions are manipulative and wrong because they are intended to get Othello to think and feel the wrong things. Iago knows that Othello has no reason to be jealous, but he gets Othello to feel jealous anyway. This is the emotional analogue to the deception that Iago also practises when he arranges matters (eg, the dropped handkerchief) to trick Othello into forming beliefs that Iago knows are false.

When Is An Influence Manipulative? Think Of Iago And Othello. 

Manipulative gaslighting occurs when the manipulator tricks another into distrusting what the manipulator recognizes to be sound judgment. By contrast, advising an angry friend to avoid making snap judgments before cooling off is not acting manipulatively, if you know that your friend’s judgment really is temporarily unsound.

The Manipulator Knows That He Tricks When He Tricks

What makes an influence manipulative and what makes it wrong are the same thing: the manipulator attempts to get someone to adopt what the manipulator herself regards as an inappropriate belief, emotion or other mental state. In this way, manipulation resembles lying. What makes a statement a lie and what makes it morally wrong are the same thing – that the speaker tries to get someone to adopt what the speaker herself regards as a false belief.In both cases, the intent is to get another person to make some sort of mistake.

The Resemblance Between Manipulation And Lying 

The liar tries to get you to adopt a false belief. The manipulator might do that, but she might also try to get you to feel an inappropriate (or inappropriately strong or weak) emotion, attribute too much importance to the wrong things (eg, someone else’s approval), or to doubt something (eg, your own judgment or your beloved’s fidelity) that there is no good reason to doubt. The distinction between manipulation and non-manipulative influence depends on whether the influencer is trying to get someone to make some sort of mistake in what he thinks, feels, doubts or pays attention to.

Who’s Worse? The Liar Or The Manipulator?

It is endemic to the human condition that we influence each other in all sorts of ways besides pure rational persuasion. Sometimes, these influences improve the other person’s decision-making situation by leading her to believe, doubt, feel or pay attention to the right things; sometimes, they degrade decision-making by leading her to believe, doubt, feel or pay attention to the wrong things.But manipulation involves deliberately using such influences to hamper a person’s ability to make the right decision – that is the essential immorality of manipulation.

How To Recognize Manipulation

It is tempting to think that manipulation is a kind of influence. But as we have seen, kinds of influences that can be used to manipulate can also be used non-manipulatively. What matters in identifying manipulation is not what kind of influence is being used, but whether the influence is being used to put the other person into a better or a worse position to make a decision.

Were There Damages?

So, if we are to recognise manipulation, we must look not at the form of influence, but at the intention of the person using it. For it is the intention to degrade another person’s decision-making situation that is both the essence and the essential immorality of manipulation.

Was There Intent?

Where would Othello be if it weren’t for Iago?

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

How To Tell The Difference Between Persuasion And Manipulation

Trust is the most underestimated factor that can create or destroy everything within a few seconds.Trust affects everything in our lives 365 days a year, from our work to our personal relationships.Various kinds of relationships are built and sustained by trust but they can also be damaged by lack of trust.If trust is removed, deepest relationships and connections will fall apart. The impact doesn’t just stay in our present moments, it also creeps into our future moments.

Trust Is Important

Trust happens in five waves:<ul><li>Wave 1: Self Trust</li><li>Wave 2: Relationship Trust</li><li>Wave 3: Organizational Trust</li><li>Wave 4: Market Trust</li><li>Wave 5: Societal Trust</li></ul>

Waves Of Trust

The first wave of trust depends on our self–confidence. Can people trust you? How credible are you?To build our credibility, we need to understand four cores related to character and competence:<ol><li>Intent</li><li>Capabilities</li><li>Integrity</li><li>Results</li></ol>Research has shown that most people do not keep the commitments and promises they make to themselves.A 2005 Harris poll found that only 8% of Americans stick to their New Year resolutions even though 50% make those resolutions. After repeated failure to create and keep promises to ourselves, it starts to degrade our self–confidence.

Wave 1: Self Trust

To use the metaphor of tree to better understand the four cores of credibility:<ol><li>Integrity is the root below the surface that allows everything to grow.</li><li>Intent is the trunk that grows out in the open.</li><li>Capabilities are the branches that allow us to produce.</li><li>Results are the fruits, which are measurable, tangible and visible outcomes that people can see and evaluate.</li></ol>

Four Cores Of Credibility

When we can’t fully trust ourselves, we find it hard to trust others.

Trust is a simple word, but has a deep meaning. It can create or destroy everything within a few seconds. Learn how to gain trust and why it is important.

Over two million copies sold. Stephen M. R. Covey shows how trust—and the speed at which it is established with clients, employees, and all stakeholders—is the single most critical component of a successful leader and organization. Stephen M. R. Covey, widely known as one of the world’s leading authorities on trust, asserts that it is “the most overlooked, misunderstood, underutilized asset to enable performance. Its impact, for good or bad, is dramatic and pervasive. It’s something you can’t escape.” Thankfully, it’s is also the thing that can dramatically improve your personal and professional success. Why trust? The simple, often overlooked fact is this: work gets done with and through people. The Speed of Trust offers an unprecedented and eminently practical look at exactly how trust functions in every transaction and every relationship—from the most personal to the broadest, most indirect interaction. It specifically demonstrates how to establish trust intentionally so that you and your organization can forego the time-killing, bureaucratic check-and-balance processes that is so often deployed in lieu of actual trust. This 2018 updated edition includes an insightful afterword by the author which explores ten key reasons why trust is more relevant now than ever before—including how trust is the new currency of our world today.

The SPEED of Trust

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