Should we tell them our true intentions in situations? How much should they know about our current circumstances or background? Should we reveal what we already know about them? In his 1959 book, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, Erving Goffman argued that social interaction is a kind of drama or theater with people playing different roles in different situations. The intention of that play, he insisted, is to convince others that we are indeed the characters we claim to be. <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/social-life">Social life </a>, it seems, is about making and managing “impressions.”

How much should You reveal about YOU 

Interaction becomes a sort of information game in which selected things emerge and others remain hidden—and most appear as versions of the full truth. Again, all of us want other people to regard us in certain (usually, idealized) ways. Interaction, as another of his book titles has it, is “strategic.” Most of us think of self-presentation as the management of behavior (both verbal and nonverbal) and appearance. We take care with what we say and how we say it. That means monitoring posture, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, and eye contact, as well as maintaining personal distance m<warningtag>.</warningtag>

The Interaction Game We Play

Material objects are important elements of this stagecraft. Participants feel themselves moving on and off stage, sometimes to its center and sometimes to its back and side regions. To be sure, clothing is one indicator of how we see ourselves, how we wish others to see us, and what we expect from the current situation. Hats, shoes, and jewelry have their effects. Errors in this self-presentation (perhaps a spot on our tie) can cause us to “lose face.” These concerns may not matter among people familiar with the other but they are paramount when initiating significant relationships.

The Impression Created By Material Objects 

Material objects are important elements of this stagecraft. Physical settings (compare a lawyer’s office to a gymnasium) facilitate certain kinds of activity and not others. The appearance, manner, and equipment of “staff” distinguish them from “clients.” Participants feel themselves moving on and off stage, sometimes to its center and sometimes to its back and side regions.To be sure, clothing is one indicator of how we see ourselves, how we wish others to see us, and what we expect from the current situation. Hats, shoes, and jewelry have their effects. Make-up can enhance appearance. As Goffman stresses, slips and errors in this self-presentation (perhaps a spot on our tie or a section of undyed hair) can cause us to “lose face.” These concerns may not matter among those who know each other well. They are paramount in occasions where people meet and initiate significant relationships.

People crave some reward-producing item in their hands, which they manipulate to move in and out of social situations. Most adults have some activity-linked object that serves both as focus and as social buffer. Similar to cigarettes, hugely popular half a century ago, cell phones are now used to symbolize the persona. Televisions and computers are critical. Consider knitting and other forms of needlework, crosswords and number puzzles,magazines and books, musical instruments, and cameras. All make plain that the user has something “going on,” or that they possess a certain interest or skill.

Using Objects To Symbolize Personality

No one should romanticize those bygone days, when cigarette smoke filled most interior spaces. Rather, my point is that people crave some reward-producing item in their hands, which they manipulate to move in and out of social situations. Less addicted to smoking than their antecedents, my students explain that cell phones now function in this way. “Checking one’s phone” gives the illusion of social connection (and importance), especially in face-to-face settings when interaction falters. Brands and models of phones have a certain cache. So does demonstrating how to obtain and use the various apps. Displaying screen content to another person is an opportunity for physical closeness. Oppositely, leaving a setting to respond to a message—by actual withdrawal or just by withdrawal from engagement—is accepted practice. In essence, the phone user makes clear that he or she is someone who has a set of concerns and relationships beyond the setting at hand. There are times to relinquish phones (weddings, sports practices, exams), but usually they allow one to be semi-involved.Setting these examples aside, most adults have some activity-linked object that serves both as focus and as social buffer. Televisions and computers are critical. Consider knitting and other forms of needlework, crosswords and number puzzles, magazines and books, musical instruments, and cameras. All make plain that the user has something “going on,” that they possess a certain interest or skill, and that other people should interrupt that user only with good cause.

What person does not possess treasured objects that link them to earlier life stages and to the people that shared those moments with them? Sometimes, these are simply records of what one has done (like an artist’s paintings). Others are public acknowledgments (like school trophies and merit badges). Most poignant are products of loved ones who have moved on to other life stages (like a small child’s drawings or old love letters) or to death itself (like cherished objects of ancestors).

The Past Recovered

A British television series, “The Repair Shop,” offers wonderful examples of the ways in which treasured objects forge ties between the generations. In every episode, someone who has lost touch with a loved one (often by death) brings a dilapidated item to the shop for repair, an item that was once important to that loved one’s life. Miraculously, the craftspeople restore it to some semblance of its former glory. Confronting the restoration, the owners feel reconnected to their ancestors. Joy and sadness combine.What person does not possess treasured objects that link them to earlier life stage<warningtag>s and to the people that shared those moments with them? Sometimes, these are simply records of what one has done (like an artist’s paintings). Others are public acknowledgments (like school trophies and merit badges). Most poignant are products of loved ones who have moved on to other life stages (like a small child’s drawings or old love letters) or to death itself (like cherished objects of ancestors).</warningtag><warningtag>Discovering an old baseball mitt or love-worn doll is not just an occasion for </warningtag><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/memory"><warningtag>memory </warningtag></a><warningtag>, whether private or shared with others. Such events are confrontations with the fact that our lives extend well beyond the present; indeed, the present is only the moving edge of who we have been. As we age, the more profound those past events and relationships become.</warningtag>

Discovering an old baseball mitt or love-worn doll is not just an occasion for memory , whether private or shared with others. Such events are confrontations with the fact that our lives extend well beyond the present; indeed, the present is only the moving edge of who we have been. As we age, the more profound those past events and relationships become.

Extension Of Ourselves

Old possessions symbolize continuity and endurance. New ones shout possibility. In that spirit, we upgrade televisions, computers, and phones. We move to some place different or redecorate our current accommodations. We change our appearance. In a future-oriented society, all this seems right and proper. However easy or difficult those shifts may be, the issue is not so simple. Pointedly, by acquiring and using objects—that new cellphone, car, or pair of boots—we become the users of those items. Having worn social masks for most of our lifetime, the face beneath is pale and malleable

Future Commitments

Stated more simply, material possessions claim us just as we claim them. Much of life, or so it seems, involves mortgages and car payments, shopping excursions, and visits to repair shops. Old goods are abandoned; new ones acquired. We should remind ourselves that material things are more than tools, habitats, and conveyances; they are the circumstances of who we have been, are now, and will be. Being thoughtful about those circumstances is the challenge of modern living.

Souvenirs Of Our Values

Your stuff and habits says a lot more about you than you might have thought. Some food for thought. 

How do physical things facilitate interaction and support identity?

Stashed ideas

Personality Props: Material Objects and the Self

Even at a time when so much is beyond our control, we remain in control of our own speech patterns. And so, as leaders and employees continue to rethink what the modern workplace should look like, including how we gather, perhaps it’s an opportune moment to banish certain phrases from the “meeting-speak” lexicon. To learn what refrains others would be happy to never hear again in a meeting, I did a bit of crowdsourcing on social media and among colleagues. Here are some of the responses that resonated the most.

Get a grip on your "meeting-speak!"

Often among the first words uttered by an online meeting host, this practice dishonors the time of those who joined on time and does nothing to establish a culture of punctuality for meetings. At the same time, there are legitimate reasons why an individual may be late to a Zoom meeting (or an in-person one). You might rather start with brief tone-setting exercises. Try asking everyone to remove one distraction, or asking everyone to write down their intention or objective for the meeting.

We’re going to wait five minutes for everyone to join.

To be sure, these words quickly signal that a speaker needs to click the unmute button. But the phrase has become notoriously grating. It also makes the person on the receiving end of the comment feel silly, as though they still don’t know how to locate the mic button. A more affirmative alternative might be something along the lines of, “If you’re speaking, I can’t hear you.” Instead of making the silent speaker feel silly, this reframing shows them that you truly want to hear what it is they have to say.

You’re on mute.

If that’s the case, your plane will crash! Many of us have heard this metaphor in many a meeting. But what is the speaker actually saying about the initiative being described? Is it flying at so quick a speed that we can’t be expected to understand or question its flaws? Is this turn of phrase an excuse for haphazard execution? Perhaps we can be more specific by identifying the pieces of the project that we’ve figured out, what we’re still working on, what we don’t know yet, and how we plan to make adjustments based on what we learn.

We’re building the plane while flying it.

Without a clear, quick mention of how and when this “offline” conversation will take place, this is a jargony way to dismiss someone’s idea and put them off indefinitely. And since any meaningful follow-up will likely take place online , it also no longer makes sense. Why not go with something like this: “That’s an important topic that’s beyond the scope of this meeting. I’ll email you when we wrap up.”

Let’s take this offline.

The next time you find yourself tempted to offer your teammates a few precious “minutes of their life back,” consider saying, “Wow. Because everyone was so productive, we’re done 10 minutes early. Thank you so much for your presence and participation. Have a great day.” This simple rephrasing has the power to reframe your work.

Wrapping Things Up. 

I started out reading this and thought, Wow! This really hits the nail on the head when it comes to pretentious assholes at work who we all have to bear at some time. But soon realized that I'm also guilty of using, in one form of another, the meeting-speak the author pointed out. 

“I’m going to give you 10 minutes of your life back,” and other unbearable meeting jargon.

Please Stop Using These Phrases in Meetings

<ul><li>Good time management requires competence in four key areas. </li><li>Don't underestimate the toll that poor time management can take on one's career and personal relationships. </li><li>Understanding the cause of one's poor time management can help identify the tips most likely to improve it. </li> </ul>

Significance of managing time effectively

A Harvard Business Review <a href="http://hbr.org/2020/01/time-management-is-about-more-than-life-hacks">summary of the literature </a>on <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/time-management">time management </a>describes three components of the good time manager:<ul><li>Awareness: reasonably estimating how long something will take</li><li>Arrangement: listing, prioritizing, and tracking <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/motivation">goals </a>and specific tasks</li><li>Adaptation: adjusting to interruptions and changing priorities</li><li>Respect: care for the people who will be affected by yourtime management.</li></ul>

Components of good time manager

The Short-Time Guessing Game: Set the timer for two minutes. Check it when you think it’s been 30 seconds and again at 90 seconds. Repeat that until you can always get fairly close. The Longer-Time Guessing Game: For your next few activities, write your estimate of how long you think each task will take. For example: <ul><li>Drive to work: 45 minutes </li><li>Get ready to begin the first task: 15 minutes </li><li>Answer email: 20 minutes </li><li>Write the first draft of the report: 90 minutes </li> </ul>Now, log how long the tasks actually took. Keep playing that guessing game until your estimates are usually within 10 to 20 percent.

Awareness

Some of my clients have adopted my system for keeping track of to-dos. My time-sensitive to-dos (for example, client appointments) go in my week-at-a-glance calendar. Anything I want to do in the next day or two but needn’t be done at a specific time goes on a 3x3 memo cube. Both sit on my desk, and I check them often during the day. If I didn’t work at home, I’d use my phone’s Google Calendar for the time-delimited to-dos and Apple Notes for my not-time-delimited to-dos. Of course, you have to get in the habit of both writing all your to-dos and checking that list throughout the day.

Arrangement

Often, we become aware of a task that’s a higher priority than the task we’re doing. Too often, we reflexively decide to defer the higher-priority task because we want closure on the task we’re working on. Or we defer the more important task because the current one is more pleasurable. Or we get distracted by a thought or by someone. That can tempt us to take a minute to indulge the distraction. Alas, too often, the distraction lasts far longer than we realize. The goal is to consciously, not reflexively, decide whether it’s <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/wisdom">wise </a>to complete your current task before reprioritizing.

Adaptation

Time-management problems might derive from insufficient respect for the victims of their poor time management. Most people don’t intentionally disrespect their victims. Usually, they just haven’t written it on their to-do list or don’t check the list often enough. Or they enjoy trying to cram in so much before their appointments that they’re late.What helps is to put yourself in the victims’ shoes.From a pragmatic perspective, it may also help to remember that disrespect may take a toll on one’s <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/career">career </a>and personal life.

Respect

Found some great insight on time-management, something that I really struggled with. 

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Abbas Zaidi
@abbaszaidi

Personality Props: Material Objects and the Self

Please Stop Using These Phrases in Meetings

4 Causes of Poor Time Management

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Abbas Zaidi@abbaszaidi

Personality Props: Material Objects and the Self

Please Stop Using These Phrases in Meetings

4 Causes of Poor Time Management

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Abbas Zaidi
@abbaszaidi