Paradox of choices:
<ul>
<li>Multiple choice make hard to select or regret the decision.</li>
<li>Finding every answer about partner/relationship to certainty.</li>
<li>Modern dating role models are poor for long lasting relationships, find better role models.</li>
</ul>
Three dating tendencies:
<ol>
<li>Maximizer</li>
<li>Romanticizer</li>
<li>Hesitator</li>
</ol>

Why You Can't Date

Characteristics:
<ul>
<li>Unrealistic expectations from partner and relationship</li>
<li>Extensive research preceded every major—or minor —decision so obsess over decision making and correct choices. Analysis Paralysis</li>
<li>Suffer from FOMTWD (fear of making the wrong decision). Anything less than perfection feels like failure.</li>
<li>Constantly second-guess themselves. They suffer doubly: first in the agony leading up to the decision, and again every time they worry they’ve made the wrong one.</li>
</ul>

Maximizer

Become Rationalizer or Saticifizer
Rationalizer:
<ul>
<li>Possesses the ability to convince themselves that they made the right decision.</li>
<li>When committed to someone, their brain works to convince them that it was a good decision.</li>
</ul>
Satisfier:
<ul>
<li>Sets high standards in partner selection.</li>
<li>May explore various options until they find one that meets their expectations.</li>
<li>Once they find a suitable match, they are content and don't continue searching.</li>
</ul>

Solutions to Maximizer

Characteristics:
<ul>
<li>Left to fate/god for good relationship and partner</li>
<li>Have expectation like Disney Movies</li>
</ul>
Solution:
<ul>
<li>Have work it out attitude</li>
</ul>

Romanticizer

Dispelling Myths in Dating:
<ul>
<li>No soul mate, try and find out different partners</li>
<li>No perfect happy ending , work it out</li>
<li>No rom-com or meet cute, love finds it way over time</li>
<li>Social media couple lie, only good and highs are posted</li>
</ul>

Solutions to Romanticizers

Characteristics:
<ul>
<li>Lacks the courage to initiate dating and often finds excuses to delay it.</li>
<li>Holds unrealistic expectations of themselves in the dating context.</li>
</ul>

Hesitator

<ul>
<li>Learning by doing it</li>
<li>Avoid Intention Action Gap</li>
<li>Reinforce your own identity</li>
</ul>

Solutions to Hesitator

<ul>
<li>Avoid Present Bias or Forcing Illusions</li>
<li>Money matters, but only up to a certain extent, but don’t prioritize wealth above all else.</li>
<li>Don’t prioritize lust over more important long-term factors.</li>
<li>Someone who complements you and help you in achieving in long term goals, not your personality twin.</li>
<li>Don’t worry about finding someone with the same hobbies, just give each other the space and freedom to explore those hobbies</li>
<li>Except limited roles from partners which are in their area of competence</li>
</ul>

What to Look for in a Partner (1):

Qualities to Seek in a Partner:
<ul>
<li>Emotional Stability, Kindness, ability to self-regulate</li>
<li>Kindness: how they treat people from whom they don’t need anything.</li>
<li>Loyalty: see if they have friends from different stages of their lives</li>
<li>Growth Mindset: pay attention to how they handle themselves in different situations</li>
<li>Personality That Brings Out the Best in You</li>
<li>Fights instead of letting resentment build.</li>
</ul>

What to Look for in a Partner (2):

<ul>
<li>Use event decision matrix</li>
<li>Ask friends and family to setup</li>
<li>People in lines are bored, strike conversation</li>
<li>Connect with people you already knew</li>
<li>Strike conversation on flight and train, experimentally proven to be beneficial</li>
</ul>

Meeting people in real life

<ol>
<li>Treat it as date not an interview</li>
<li>Experience the date over evaluating the partner</li>
<li>Pre date rituals: Listen comedy, Do minor exercise to release endorphins</li>
<li>Selection of time and place: Show you have put effort in selecting place and activity | Opt for creative/fun/engaging activity | Avoid noisy places and clubs.</li>
<li>Sit besides</li>
<li>Laughing matters</li>
<li>Skip small talks and go for deep conversation</li>
<li>Instead of trying to be interesting, make the person feel interesting.</li>
<li>Give support responses over shift responses</li>
<li>Limit Phone use</li>
<li>End on peak</li>
</ol>

Dating Tips:

Check yourself after meeting
<ol>
<li>What side of me did they bring out?</li>
<li>How did my body feel during the date? Stiff, relaxed, or something in between?</li>
<li>Do I feel more energized or de-energized than I did before the date?</li>
<li>Is there something about them I’m curious about?</li>
<li>Did they make me laugh?</li>
<li>Did I feel heard?</li>
<li>Did I feel attractive in their presence?</li>
<li>Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between?</li>
<li>Do I admire this person?</li>
<li>Is this someone I can grow with?</li>
</ol>

What to Test in Partner (1)

Take a look at what unfolds when you two hang out:
<ol>
<li>Do you enjoy spending time with this person?</li>
<li>Do they make you happy?</li>
<li>Do you like who you are with them?</li>
<li>Do you want to kiss them?</li>
<li>Is your interest in them growing, waning, or just kind of trudging along?</li>
<li>If your date is rude or disrespectful —to you or anyone else—don’t see that person again.</li>
<li>Ditto if your date made you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or sad.</li>
</ol>
Try Wardrobe test: If your partner were a piece of clothing that you own something in your closet what piece of clothing would they be?

What to Test in Partner (2)

<ul>
<li>Falling in love is different from being in love</li>
<li>Remove negativity bias, remember good things</li>
<li>Remove fundamental-attribution error</li>
<li>Know difference between Permissible pet peeves and non tolerant</li>
<li>Create decision points before transitioning in next step</li>
<li>Clearly define the relationship, its current status, future demands and future direction</li>
<li>Avoid Being Ditcher</li>
<li>Avoid Being Hitcher</li>
<li>Avoid any gap filling it the relationship using guesses and thoughts</li>
<li>Do weekly Review of relationship</li>
</ul>

How to Preserve Relationship

<ol>
<li>Are there extenuating circumstances going on in your partner’s life right now</li>
<li>What are your expectations of a long-term relationship? Are they realistic?</li>
<li>Avoid false-consensus effect ;-a tendency to assume that the majority of others agree with our own values, beliefs, and behaviors.</li>
<li>Do weekly Review of relationship</li>
</ol>
Remember why you love someone during all the logistical, financial, emotional, and spiritual challenges life throws at you

During Tense Period Ask This:

For asking out
<ul>
<li>“Hey, I’d love to keep talking about [insert thing you were discussing]; what’s the best way to connect?”
</li>
<li>“I’m excited to spend time with you today”; “I like your brain”; and “I just want to rush into things with you.”
</li>
</ul>
Skiping small talks
<ul>
<li>"Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?”
</li>
<li>“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?”
</li>
<li>“Let’s chat in person about this one.”
</li>
</ul>

Phrases to Use (1)

For taking it forward
<ul>
<li>Have you ever considered if we could be more than friends?”</li>
<li>I wonder what we’d be like as a married couple.</li>
<li>if they’re not interested, what’s the worst that could happen? Make a joke and move on.</li>
</ul>
Openers for DTR
<ul>
<li>I feel awkward bringing this up, but...</li>
<li>“It’s always hard to ask this, but...”</li>
<li>"What’ s the point of rushing if you’re not headed in the same direction?”</li>
</ul>

Phrases to Use (2)

Strike deep conversation directly
<ul>
<li>“You’ll never guess what happened on my way over here!”</li>
<li>“I just got off the phone with my sister, and she told me about this battle she’s in with her landlord over the recycling bins.”</li>
<li>"You can ask about a real thing that’s going on in your life. “</li>
</ul>

Phrases to Use (3)

Continue Conversation/Support Responses
<ul>
<li>“Have you been there before?”</li>
<li>"How did your family choose that location?”</li>
</ul>

Phrases to Use (4)

Learning how to select long term partner and maintain long term relationship.

A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

books

Books

entertainment

Entertainment

Logan Ury

How to Not Die Alone

The universe that we see is really what we are within.The world looks happy when we are joyous—and gloomy when we are melancholy.The inner and outer worlds reflect one another in a circle of action and reaction, where every action or reaction of ours—determined by what we are feeling within—transforms our experience of the outer world.

Relation Between Self and the World

The result of my reality depends on my reaction to it.At every step, every day, our reactions to hundreds of situations determine the outcome of that moment, that day, week, and even year.We can even say that our reactions to people, to ideas, to the monsters in our head determine what we call our destiny.

Interaction of Self and the World

Only inner unity, inner stillness, peace within ourselves can bring positive attitude and actions in our reactions to the situations.

Being positive in situations

The fundamental design of the universe remains consistent.If you know the atomic, you know the cosmic.Know the atman to know the brahman

Self and Cosmos

Understanding a Peaceful Path in a Violent World

Winner of the 2018 Wilbur Award There are more than one billion Hindus in the world, but for those who don’t practice the faith, very little seems to be understood about it. Followers have not only built and sustained the world’s largest democracy but have also sustained one of the greatest philosophical streams in the world for more than three thousand years. So, what makes a Hindu? Why is so little heard from the real practitioners of the everyday faith? Why does information never go beyond clichés? Being Hindu is a practitioner’s guide that takes the reader on a journey to very simply understand what the Hindu message is, where it stands in the clash of civilizations between Islam and Christianity, and why the Hindu way could yet be the path for plurality and progress in the twenty-first century.

health

Health

habits

Habits

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Winner of the 2018 Wilbur Award There are more than one billion Hindus in the world, but for those who don’t practice the faith, very little seems to be understood about it. Followers have not only built and sustained the world’s largest democracy but have also sustained one of the greatest philosophical streams in the world for more than three thousand years. So, what makes a Hindu? Why is so little heard from the real practitioners of the everyday faith? Why does information never go beyond clichés? Being Hindu is a practitioner’s guide that takes the reader on a journey to very simply understand what the Hindu message is, where it stands in the clash of civilizations between Islam and Christianity, and why the Hindu way could yet be the path for plurality and progress in the twenty-first century.

Hindol Sengupta

Being Hindu

Tiger Woods<ol><li>Started Training when 2 yrs old</li><li>Deliberated practice since child</li><li>Became prodigy in teens</li><li>GOAT in Golfing</li></ol>Roger Federer<ol><li>Played different sports till 10 yrs old</li><li>Developed overall physical proficiency</li><li>Became star player in his twenties</li><li>GOAT in tennis</li></ol> What does world needs, more Woods or more Federer?

Tiger Woods vs Roger Federer

Debate of generalist vs specialist is very old. In some areas, generalist prevails and in some specialist thrives.

Generalist vs Specialist

Specialist thrives in areas where:-<ol><li>experience generates expertise in the field</li><li>pattern are repetitive, and pattern recognition is primary </li><li>focus is the key component</li><li>during learning feedback to any action is fast and accurate.</li><li>situations are less dynamic and </li><li>less no. of variable came in play</li></ol>Eg of such areas are surgeon, chess player, golf etc

Where Specialist Survives?

Generalist survives in areas :-<ol><li>which are completely dynamic</li><li>where patterns rarely emerges</li><li>where situation are influenced by multiple variables.</li></ol>In such area learning by repetition or deliberate practice is not fruitful as no feedback is possible and situations are continuously changingEg, Finance, Politics, International Relations, Economy etc

Where Generalist Survives?

Specialist usually suffer from "cognitive entrenchment", however generalist have a range where they flexibly applies knowledge/training  from one area to other pursuits.

Why Generalist get edge over Specialist?

Generalist are generally open to new ideas and breadth of experience.Generalist knew when to quit an unsuccessful endeavor without feeling guilty about it and experiment with something knew.Biologically we do stay same , so our life and work preference changes overtime. Our personality changes with time &  experiences. Hence, like Michelangelo we should not be afraid to try new things, as it is only way we can learn who we are and survive in this ever changing world.

Advantage of being a Generalist.

The #1 New York Times bestseller that has all America talking—with a new afterword on expanding your range—as seen on CNN's Fareed Zakaria GPS, Morning Joe, CBS This Morning, and more. “The most important business—and parenting—book of the year.” —Forbes “Urgent and important. . . an essential read for bosses, parents, coaches, and anyone who cares about improving performance.” —Daniel H. Pink Shortlisted for the Financial Times/McKinsey Business Book of the Year Award Plenty of experts argue that anyone who wants to develop a skill, play an instrument, or lead their field should start early, focus intensely, and rack up as many hours of deliberate practice as possible. If you dabble or delay, you’ll never catch up to the people who got a head start. But a closer look at research on the world’s top performers, from professional athletes to Nobel laureates, shows that early specialization is the exception, not the rule. David Epstein examined the world’s most successful athletes, artists, musicians, inventors, forecasters and scientists. He discovered that in most fields—especially those that are complex and unpredictable—generalists, not specialists, are primed to excel. Generalists often find their path late, and they juggle many interests rather than focusing on one. They’re also more creative, more agile, and able to make connections their more specialized peers can’t see. Provocative, rigorous, and engrossing, Range makes a compelling case for actively cultivating inefficiency. Failing a test is the best way to learn. Frequent quitters end up with the most fulfilling careers. The most impactful inventors cross domains rather than deepening their knowledge in a single area. As experts silo themselves further while computers master more of the skills once reserved for highly focused humans, people who think broadly and embrace diverse experiences and perspectives will increasingly thrive.

career

Career

The #1 New York Times bestseller that has all America talking—with a new afterword on expanding your range—as seen on CNN's Fareed Zakaria GPS, Morning Joe, CBS This Morning, and more. “The most important business—and parenting—book of the year.” —Forbes “Urgent and important. . . an essential read for bosses, parents, coaches, and anyone who cares about improving performance.” —Daniel H. Pink   Shortlisted for the Financial Times/McKinsey Business Book of the Year Award Plenty of experts argue that anyone who wants to develop a skill, play an instrument, or lead their field should start early, focus intensely, and rack up as many hours of deliberate practice as possible. If you dabble or delay, you’ll never catch up to the people who got a head start. But a closer look at research on the world’s top performers, from professional athletes to Nobel laureates, shows that early specialization is the exception, not the rule.     David Epstein examined the world’s most successful athletes, artists, musicians, inventors, forecasters and scientists. He discovered that in most fields—especially those that are complex and unpredictable—generalists, not specialists, are primed to excel. Generalists often find their path late, and they juggle many interests rather than focusing on one. They’re also more creative, more agile, and able to make connections their more specialized peers can’t see. Provocative, rigorous, and engrossing, Range makes a compelling case for actively cultivating inefficiency. Failing a test is the best way to learn. Frequent quitters end up with the most fulfilling careers. The most impactful inventors cross domains rather than deepening their knowledge in a single area. As experts silo themselves further while computers master more of the skills once reserved for highly focused humans, people who think broadly and embrace diverse experiences and perspectives will increasingly thrive.

David Epstein is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. David Epstein has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. David Epstein's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

David Epstein

Range

Consistent behavior = Habits.Everything big started small. Remember our vast universe originated when infinitesimal particles big banged. Behavior should be tiny and easy so that it can be performed and achieved consistently and develop into a habit.

Habit

The simpler and tiny a behavior , more likely it will happen and consistently it will develop into habit.Behavior (B) is sum of Motivation (M) , Ability (A) & Prompt (P).B=M+A+PWhen these 3 elements converge behavior happens.

Behavior (B)

The desire to perform can be termed as motivation.Motivation is essential and most important part of the behavior equation, however it is most unreliable.Motivation is complex, like a wave, which has peaks and lows. During peak of motivation, hard behavior can be achieved easily and during lows, even simple behavior seem like a daunting task.To achieve sustainable motivation, one should see benefits of the actions. One should set clear goals, tangible targets, and set tiny goal with is easily achieved. Achievement of goals led to positive reinforcement and provide motivation for bigger targets

Motivation (M)

Ability is most reliable and sustained part of the equation. Applying Pareto's principle 80% of time and energy shall be spent of developing abilities, for the behavior.Approaches to develop ability:-<ol><li>Upskilling</li><li>Getting additional tools and resources etc</li></ol>

Ability (A)

Prompts are invisible drivers of a behavior, they provide cues to perform the action.To build a habit one need to have consistent prompts to perform the necessary actions.Prompts are basically of three types:-<ol><li>Person: Someone telling to perform, hence Unreliable</li><li>Context: Taking environmental cues to perform , hence may be forced and stressful</li><li>Action: An existing behavior acting as a cue to remind to perform new behavior. Most reliable.</li></ol>Action Prompt, is better because one has to tap into the ecosystem of routines and put code things in right order to develop new behavior

Prompts (P)

A range of positive experiences can reinforce a new behavior, that led to habitual response.To develop a new habit breakdown it into MAP:-<ol><li>M: Set smaller, tangible, easy to achieve targets.</li><li>A: Focus on continuous upskilling.</li><li>P: Set new behavior cues inline with existing reliable habits.</li></ol>Continuous achieving set targets, releases dopamine, which positively reinforced the behavior. Similarly, bad habits can be reduced by breaking it into MAP components and targeting individual elements i.e. reducing motivation to perform, limiting resources and deleting cues for prompt.

Habits are not developed on own but cultivated overtime

Build long lasting habits by improving 1% everyday.

The world's leading expert on habit formation shows how you can have a happier, healthier life: by starting small. Myth: Change is hard. Reality: Change can be easy if you know the simple steps of Behavior Design. Myth: It's all about willpower. Reality: Willpower is fickle and finite, and exactly the wrong way to create habits. Myth: You have to make a plan and stick to it. Reality: You transform your life by starting small and being flexible. BJ FOGG is here to change your life--and revolutionize how we think about human behavior. Based on twenty years of research and Fogg's experience coaching more than 40,000 people, Tiny Habits cracks the code of habit formation. With breakthrough discoveries in every chapter, you'll learn the simplest proven ways to transform your life. Fogg shows you how to feel good about your successes instead of bad about your failures. Already the habit guru to companies around the world, Fogg brings his proven method to a global audience for the first time. Whether you want to lose weight, de-stress, sleep better, or be more productive each day, Tiny Habits makes it easy to achieve.

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

The world's leading expert on habit formation shows how you can have a happier, healthier life: by starting small. Myth: Change is hard. Reality: Change can be easy if you know the simple steps of Behavior Design. Myth: It's all about willpower. Reality: Willpower is fickle and finite, and exactly the wrong way to create habits. Myth: You have to make a plan and stick to it. Reality: You transform your life by starting small and being flexible. BJ FOGG is here to change your life--and revolutionize how we think about human behavior. Based on twenty years of research and Fogg's experience coaching more than 40,000 people, Tiny Habits cracks the code of habit formation. With breakthrough discoveries in every chapter, you'll learn the simplest proven ways to transform your life. Fogg shows you how to feel good about your successes instead of bad about your failures. Already the habit guru to companies around the world, Fogg brings his proven method to a global audience for the first time. Whether you want to lose weight, de-stress, sleep better, or be more productive each day, Tiny Habits makes it easy to achieve.

B. J. Fogg is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. B. J. Fogg has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. B. J. Fogg's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

B. J. Fogg

Tiny Habits

Pick the person you admire most.List his qualities.Introspect whether you got it or not.Find ways to develop those qualities. Apply reverse to reject the traits that you hate in someone.

Improving By Admiring Others

Peter Bevelin begins his fascinating book with Confucius' great wisdom: "A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing another mistake." Seeking Wisdom is the result of Bevelin's learning about attaining wisdom. His quest for wisdom originated partly from making mistakes himself and observing those of others but also from the philosophy of super-investor and Berkshire Hathaway Vice Chairman Charles Munger. A man whose simplicity and clarity of thought was unequal to anything Bevelin had seen. In addition to naturalist Charles Darwin and Munger, Bevelin cites an encyclopedic range of thinkers: from first-century BCE Roman poet Publius Terentius to Mark Twain-from Albert Einstein to Richard Feynman-from 16th Century French essayist Michel de Montaigne to Berkshire Hathaway Chairman Warren Buffett. In the book, he describes ideas and research findings from many different fields. This book is for those who love the constant search for knowledge. It is in the spirit of Charles Munger, who says, "All I want to know is where I'm going to die so I'll never go there." There are roads that lead to unhappiness. An understanding of how and why we can "die" should help us avoid them. We can't eliminate mistakes, but we can prevent those that can really hurt us. Using exemplars of clear thinking and attained wisdom, Bevelin focuses on how our thoughts are influenced, why we make misjudgments and tools to improve our thinking. Bevelin tackles such eternal questions as: Why do we behave like we do? What do we want out of life? What interferes with our goals? Read and study this wonderful multidisciplinary exploration of wisdom. It may change the way you think and act in business and in life.

How to Not Die Alone

Being Hindu

Range

Tiny Habits

Seeking Wisdom

Ayush Gangwar .