Too often, people think it’s as easy as moving on, but this is one of the many myths about grief. Rather than move on from our grief, we must instead find ways to move forward with it."Grief is this multitasking emotion... you can and will be sad, and happy; you'll be grieving, and able to love in the same year or week... . We need to remember that a grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again… they're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on" said Nora McInerny in her candid <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkJkR-ipfw&ab_channel=TED">TED Talk about life and death.</a>

Move forward with your grief

Following the loss of a loved one, it’s important to remember the grieving process has no set timeline. We don’t just grieve the moment they pass and move on. Instead, we grieve the past and present. We grieve what could have been the future. This is because our loved one is more than just one moment in time.While there’s no right or wrong way to grieve your loss, there are healthy ways to cope, including:<ul><li>Accept that grief can trigger unexpected feelings, including anger and denial.</li><li>Understand that the grieving process will be unique to you<warningtag> and your situation.</warningtag></li><li><warningtag>Seek out support from trusted family members, friends, and professional support groups.</warningtag></li><li><warningtag>Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.</warningtag></li><li><warningtag>You can’t rush your grief, so allow yourself as much time as you need to process your feelings surrounding the loss.</warningtag></li></ul>

Grief is not a moment in time

Have you heard the phrase, “Time heals all wounds?” Some people believe this phrase is a catchall for grief—that in time, the anger, depression, guilt or regret will just go away. This is simply not true. The point here is that not all wounds are meant to heal with time.It hurts to lose someone we love. That loss shapes and defines who we are, and it never really goes away. Instead, we carry it with us as we move forward into the next chapter of our lives, and what helps us heal is what we do with our time after they’ve passed.Whether it’s finishing a project your loved one was working on or v<warningtag>olunteering at their favorite charity, there are ways to fill up your time that can help you cope.</warningtag>

Not all wounds are meant to heal

<ul><li>Attempting to face joy after the loss of a loved one is complicated. Whether the loss comes expectedly or unexpectedly, it has the power to disrupt our lives, leaving us numb.</li><li>While one day you feel happy, other days you may feel sad. With each new day, allow yourself to embrace the stages of grief as they come, rather than avoiding them altogether.</li><li>In doing so, we gradually learn how to live with loss in our hearts. That doesn’t mean we forget about our loved ones, we just learn how to go on living without their physical presence.</li><li>And while you can never replace the absence left by someone you l<warningtag>oved and cared for, </warningtag><warningtag>you can fill your life with purpose in his or her honor to help you feel happy again.</warningtag></li></ul>

You can be happy and sad

Rather than moving on from our grief, we must instead find ways to move forward with it.

In her talk, Nora McInerny encourages us to shift our approach to grief. Instead of moving on, she explains how to move forward with life after a loss.

religionandspirituality

Religion & Spirituality

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mentalhealth

Mental Health

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

videos

Videos

We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny

Do We Move On or Move Forward From Grief?

People think stupidity is the opposite of intelligence. In fact, stupidity is the cost of intelligence operating in a complex environment.
Stupidity can be defined as overlooking or dismissing conspicuously crucial information.
It’s crucial information: You better pay attention to it. It’s conspicuous: It’s right in front of your nose and yet you either overlook it or you dismiss it.

Defining Stupidity

<ul><li>Being outside your normal environment or changing your routines.</li><li>Being in the presence of a group(social pressure).</li><li>Being in the presence of an expert or if you, yourself, are an expert.</li><li>Doing any task that requires intense focus, or fixating on a particular outcome.</li><li>Information overload. </li><li>Physical or emotional stress, fatigue. </li><li>Rushing or urgency.</li></ul>The probability of missing key information (stupidity) increases the more the above factors are present.

Seven Factors that Lead to Stupidity

Most of the factors are ubiquitous in modern-day life such as stress, rushing, and information overload. Therefore, our modern life is already susceptible to missing key information and making stupid mistakes.All factors are present in US hospitals. Medical errors are the third-leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer.

Modern Life And Stupidity

<ul><li>Recognize and know that you are in ”the stupid zone”</li><li>Pause. Just sit. Stop, before leaving your environment. If you can’t sit still for a minute, you don’t have the time not to!</li><li>Have a buddy whose job is to watch us. That is their only task, and can’t have the same responsibility as us. Have your own “pit crew”.</li><li>Don’t make decisions or do anything when in the stupid zone. For example, don’t sign a contract or drive.</li></ul>

The Solution

Stupidity is not the opposite of intelligence.

Stupidity is overlooking or dismissing conspicuously crucial information. Here are seven situational factors that compromise your cognitive ability and result in increased odds of stupidity.

productivity

Productivity

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

problemsolving

Problem Solving

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

How Not to Be Stupid - Farnam Street

There’s good reason to instinctively seek support from others when faced with difficult choices in life. Anyone who has ever been on the TV show “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” knows that there is real power in the wisdom of the crowds, just like all of us who methodically scour through user reviews before pulling the trigger on Amazon.
What most of us tend to forget is that this power comes with limitations and sometimes we make better decisions by going it alone.

Better Decisions With Others Or Alone

We should consult the data instead of our neighbours when it comes to views and opinions that can be proven (or disproved for that matter) by facts. We are better off sticking to the facts, particularly when making decisions under social influence. 
Recent research has shown how subtle cues about the consensus around a given topic can elevate initial inaccuracies into false gospel and drive the entire herd off the cliff.

Data Is Better Than Peers

In typical professional group settings, the first opinion to be voiced (or the one backed by the highest salary) tends to have a disproportionate impact on the rest of the proceedings.
Social conformity and the desire to avoid conflict are also familiar to most. Together, this dynamic duo can steer even the most capable brainstorming group into dire intellectual straits in a matter of minutes, which is why experts such as Adam Grant advocate for brainwriting instead—a process where ideas are first generated individually and only then evaluated jointly.

The First One To Speak

One reason for this is that new and innovative ways of doing things start off as unpopular by definition. Big organizations are also fertile grounds for risk aversion and inertia, both of which slow down the adoption of new ways of doing things regardless of whether there are significant benefits. 
That is why most of the breakthrough leaders we know today found success by boldly going against the wisdom of the crowds. Or could you imagine Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos becoming the wealthiest men in history if they had asked Ford or Barnes & Noble for their views on their business plans?

The Wisdom Of The Crowds Is Often Wrong

Why you need to make some decisions alone

Working in a comfortable and high-paying job in the 90s, Jeff Bezos faced the dilemma of continuing his job or pursue the business idea he had about selling books online.
He posed a self-inquiry: At the end of my life, will I regret not having done this?
This self-inquiry, called the regret minimization framework, minimized his regrets as he opted to leave the job and start Amazon, which sells more than just books now and is worth USD 2 Trillion.

The Regret Minimization Framework

If the answer to the self-inquiry we pose ourselves (Would I regret not doing this when I am old?) is no, then it is not worth doing, but if the answer is maybe or yes, then it can be given a go-ahead.

No Regrets

The Regret Minimization Framework can be a great help with the big decisions, which should warrant one’s time and attention, instead of sweating on trivial stuff.
One has to make crucial decisions in life, and this method removes emotion from the equation. It also helps to talk through one’s decision with other people, family, friends and relatives to get an outside perspective.

Decision Making Is A Skill

The question Bezos asks is, “At the end of my life, will I regret not having done this?”


Jeff Bezos uses a simple framework for making big decisions. Here’s how it works

Behavioural design is the science of creating products and services in such a way as to direct human behaviour.

Shaping human behaviour

Successful long-term changes come when a person buys into it. People need to care enough about a goal to cultivate those habits or decide to put in the work. We can try to persuade people or show them how these behaviours support their goals, but we can't coerce them.
The more we can connect what we want people to do with reasons that matter to them, the more likely they are willing to try.

Shaping habits

Our behaviour can be shaped by things we are unaware of.
For example, when we try to focus on our work, it's easy to wander off track with distractions such as checking social media or answering emails. Suspending Facebook accounts or deleting apps from your phone can help to reduce the temptation. So can closing browser tabs, like Gmail.

Reduce distractions

Products can be designed that are respectful of people while also improving larger outcomes. For example, while we don't judge persons who fail to improve their health, we also recognize that the more people strive for healthy outcomes, the lower the costs to society and loved ones.

Collective benefits of changing behaviour

Highlights from Nir Eyal’s interview with Dr. Amy Bucher, author of “Engaged,” a book about behavioral change design. Surprising insights on how to change habits!

health

Health

habits

Habits

timemanagement

Time Management

Changing Habits: Interview with Dr. Amy Bucher, a Behavior Change Designer

Technology ethics is the application of ethical thinking to the practical concerns of technology. The reason technology ethics is growing in prominence is that new technologies give us more power to act, which means that we have to make choices we didn't have to make before. While in the past our actions were involuntarily constrained by our weakness, now, with so much technological power, we have to learn how to be voluntarily constrained by our judgment: our ethics.

What is Technology Ethics?

<ul><li>There used to be no need for brain death criteria, because we did not have the technological power to even ask the question of whether someone were dead when their brain lost functioning. But with the development of artificial means of maintaining circulation and respiration this became a serious question. </li><li>With communications technologies like social media we are still figuring out how to behave when we have access to so many people and so much information; and the recent problems with fake news reflect how quickly things can go wrong on social media if bad actors have access to the public. </li><li>With nuclear weapons, we never used to need to ask the question of how we should avoid a civilization-destroying nuclear war because it simply wasn’t possible, but once those weapons were invented, then we did need to ask that question, and answer it, because we were – and still are – at risk for global disaster.</li></ul>

Ethical Questions In The Last Decades: Examples

AI has a fundamentally ethical aspect. And we need to not mistake efficiency for morality – just because something is more efficient does not mean that it is morally better, though often efficiency is a dramatic benefit to humanity. For example, people can make more efficient weapons but that does not mean they are good or will be used for good. Lots of organizations are exploring AI with a goal in mind that is not necessarily the best goal for everyone. They are looking for something good, whether it is making sense of large datasets or improving advertising. But is that ultimately the best use for the technology? Could we perhaps apply it instead to social issues such as the best way to structure an economy or the best way to promote human flourishing? There are lots of good uses of AI, but are we really aiming towards those good uses, or are we aiming towards lower goods?

Ethics And AI

Resources on technology ethics including ethics in IT and biotechnology from the Markkula Center for Applied Ethics

technologyandthefuture

Technology & The Future

artificialintelligence

Artificial Intelligence

Technology Ethics

Don't just re-read your notes. When you first read, you extract a lot of information, but when you do it the second time, you read with a sense of 'I know this, I know this.' This gives you the illusion that you know the material very well, when in fact there are gaps.

Re-reading doesn't help

Read once and then quiz yourself. Retrieving that information is what actually produces more robust learning and memory.Even if you get the answers wrong, you'll still have an idea of what you don't know. This helps guide your studying more effectively.

Ask lots of questions

Relate new information to prior information for better learning.During a second reading, try to connect new information to something you already know.

Make connections

Draw out the information in a visual form: diagrams, visual models or flowcharts.Anything that creates active learning, that engages you and helps you generate understanding on your own, is very effective in retention.

Use visual models

The key to using them is re-testing yourself on the ones you got right.Encountering the correct item again is useful. You might want to practice the incorrect items a little more, but repeated exposure to the ones you get right is important too.

Use flashcards

Don't cram. Research shows this isn't good for long term memory. It may allow you to do okay on that test the next day, but you won't retain as much information in the long turn.The better idea is to space repetition.

Space out your studying

Mixing lessons and examples produces much better learning that can be transferred into the real world.You're going to have to figure out the method you need to use for specific situations. And you can't learn how to do that unless you have experience dealing with a mix of different types of problems, and diagnosing which requires which type of approach.

Mixing up lessons

This related to the 2 types of mindsets: fixed and growth.<ul><li>Fixed mindset: It states that you have a certain amount of talent for a topic.</li><li>Growth mindset: It says that learning involves using effective strategies, putting aside time to do the work, and engaging in the process, all of which help you gradually increase your capacity for a topic.</li></ul>

There's no such thing as a "math person"

The way most students study makes no sense. That's the conclusion of Washington University in St. Louis psychologists Henry Roediger and Mark McDaniel - who've spent a combined 80 years studying learning and memory, and recently distilled their findings with novelist Peter Brown in the book Make It Stick: The Science of Successful Learning .

education

Learning & Education

Re-reading is inefficient. Here are 8 tips for studying smarter.

We all fall prey to unforeseen risks, and are blind to them due to three reasons:
<ol>
<li>The rewards(and potential rewards) obscures one's risk, as demonstrated by gamblers and stock market investors. One remedy is to ask yourself what these rewards are preventing you from seeing.</li>
<li>Loss aversion coupled with our existing sunk costs pushes us towards taking further risk even when it is resulting in losses. One needs to analyse sunk costs on a regular basis.</li>
<li>Future aversion, where we make decisions on the(unpredictable) future using present data. The way to address this is to act without data, understanding how the business landscape changes. It also helps to reframe ‘punishment’ for any misstep as an important learning.</li>
</ol>

Three Reasons We Are Blind To Risks

teamwork

Teamwork

startup

Startups

3 Reasons You Underestimate Risk

For many people, the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment keep them out of relationships.These fears are based on false beliefs, such as success or failure defines my worth as a person.

Why You Self-Sabotage

Relationships:<ul><li>You keep yourself isolated.</li><li>You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.</li><li>You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.</li></ul>Work:<ul><li>You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.</li><li>You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.</li><li>You stay in a job that you hate.</li><li>You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.</li></ul>

How You Self-Sabotage

<div><ul><li>Notice self-judgments.</li><li>Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.</li><li>Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth. </li><li>Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings. </li><li>Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself. </li></ul></div>

Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Do you sometimes find that you sabotage yourself in your work or your relationships? Have you wondered why you would do that? One of the things that may help you understand your self-sabotaging behavior is to recognize that you are actually trying to protect yourself rather than sabotage yourself.

communication

Communication

Why You're Sabotaging Your Relationships (And How To Stop)

You can't force yourself to think faster. If you do, you'll likely make worse decisions.
There is a way to improve the quality of your decisions without resorting to hacks to speed them up.

We can't think faster

If you are a knowledge worker, most of your work is trying to make the right decisions using a large amount of information. You need to discern what is the most effective for a desired goal and anticipate potential problems.
You may find yourself wanting to make decisions faster so you can be more productive. But this is a flawed approach.

Making good decisions with a large amount of information

Everyone is trying to work faster all the time, and they pressure everyone around them to work faster too. Examples include:
<ul>
<li>Loading on extra work.</li>
<li>Railing against any apparent waste of time.</li>
<li>Expecting superb performance all the time.</li>
</ul>
However, speeding up often results in poor decisions that create future problems. We can't force ourselves to make faster decisions just because we're faced with an unrealistic deadline.

The "hurry up" culture is unsustainable

The rate at which we process information is fixed, Tom DeMarco points out. If you're under pressure, the quality of your decision worsens. You may miss possible angles, won't think ahead, etc.
The clearer you think, the better your decisions will be. This often means you have to slow down and spend more time on your decisions.

Our thinking rate is fixed

Integrating new, better approaches to thinking does not lead to immediate improvements. It takes lots of time and repetition, just like any other skills.
Making good decisions is hard work and needs reduced pressure. It requires constant learning and verifying what you think you know, especially in the fields where the most relevant information has a short half-life. Instead of thinking faster, try to think better.

We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny

How Not to Be Stupid - Farnam Street

Why you need to make some decisions alone

Jeff Bezos uses a simple framework for making big decisions. Here’s how it works

Changing Habits: Interview with Dr. Amy Bucher, a Behavior Change Designer

Caleb E.