In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to overlook your breathing. But that kind of shallow breathing you do when you’re angry keeps you in <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/stress/amygdala-hijack">fight-or-flight </a>mode. To combat this, try taking slow, controlled breaths you inhale from your belly rather than your chest. This allows your body to instantly calm itself. <ul><li>Find a chair or place where you can comfortably sit, allowing your neck and shoulders to fully relax. </li><li>Breathe deeply through your nose, and pay attention to your tummy rising. </li><li>Exhale through your mouth. </li><li>Try doing this exercise 3 times a day for 5 to 10 minutes or as needed. </li> </ul>

Take Deep Breaths 

Try slowly repeating, “Take it easy,” or “Everything’s going to be okay,” the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by a situation. You can do this out loud if you want, but you can also say it under your breath or in your head. You can also keep a list of phrases on your phone for a quick reminder before a stressful work presentation or challenging meeting.

Recite a Comforting Mantra

When wrestling with boiling tension, try painting a mental picture to calm your body and brain: <ul><li>Think of a real or imaginary place that makes you feel happy, peaceful, and safe. This can be that camping trip to the mountains you took last year or an exotic beach you’d like to visit someday. </li><li>Focus on the sensory details by envisioning yourself there. What are the smells, sights, and sounds? </li><li>Be aware of your breathing and keep this image in your mind until you feel your anxiety start to lift. </li> </ul>

Try Visualization 

Sometimes, sitting still can make you feel even more anxious or on edge. Mindfully moving your body with <a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/13-benefits-of-yoga">yoga </a>and other calming exercises can release tension in your muscles. The next time you’re confronted by a stressful situation, try taking a walk or even doing some light dancing to keep your mind off the stress.

Mindfully Move Your Body

Moments of high stress can warp your perception of reality, making you feel like the world is out to get you. The next time you feel anger bubbling up, try to check your perspective. Everyone has bad days from time to time, and tomorrow will be a fresh start.

Check Your Perspective 

Angry outbursts won’t do you any favors, but that doesn’t mean you can’t vent your frustrations to a trusted friend or family member after a particularly bad day. Plus, allowing yourself space to express some of your anger prevents it from bubbling up inside.

Express Your Frustration

Finding the humor in a heated moment can help you keep a balanced perspective. This doesn’t mean you should simply laugh off your problems, but looking at them in a more lighthearted way can help. The next time you feel your rage bubbling up, imagine how this scenario might look to an outsider? How might this be funny to them? By not taking yourself too seriously, you’ll have more chances to see how unimportant minor annoyances are in the big scheme of things.

Defuse with Humor

If your home is cluttered and stressing you out, for example, take a drive or a long walk. You’ll likely find that you’re better equipped to sort through the mess when you return.

Change Your Surroundings 

If you aren’t sure where your anger is coming from, try to remind yourself to take a moment the next time you feel angry. Use this time to take stock of what happened in the moments leading up to your feelings of anger. Were you with a particular person? What were you doing? How were you feelings leading up to that moment?

Recognize Triggers

While dwelling on your day’s misfortunes can seem like the natural thing to do, it won’t help you in the short or long term. Instead, try refocusing on the things that went well. If you can’t find the silver lining in the day, you can also try thinking how things might’ve gone even worse.

Focus on Appreciating

If your anger is impacting your relationships and well-being, talking with a qualified <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget">therapist </a>can help you work through the sources of your anger and help you develop better coping tools.

Seek Help

Pent-up anger getting the best of you? Learn how to release it in a productive way.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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11 Ways to Release Anger: Tips for Letting Go

Self-abandonment begins in childhood. Its likely that your parents or other influential adults didn't meet your emotional and/or physical needs in childhood they abandoned you emotionally or physically — causing you to feel unworthy and unlovable.
As adults, we tend to repeat these types of patterns from childhood because they're familiar; we repeatedly choose partners and friends who mistreat, take advantage of, or don't support us. And we do the same to ourselves. We don't know how to be there for ourselves because no one was truly there for us as children.

Unmasking Self-Abandonment: Tracing Its Origins

Notice how many of these examples of self-abandonment ring true for you.
<ul>
<li>Not trusting your instincts</li>
<li>People-pleasing</li>
<li>Hiding parts of yourself</li>
<li>Perfectionism</li>
<li>Self-criticism and judgment</li>
<li>Not honoring your needs</li>
<li>Suppressing your feelings</li>
<li>Not acting according to your values</li>
<li>Codependent relationships</li>
<li>Not speaking up for yourself</li>
</ul>

Breaking the Cycle: Escaping the Chains of Self-Abandonment

Self-abandonment is a self-destructive pattern that can contribute to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and unfulfilling relationships. Abandoning yourself may have been a necessity during childhood, but it isn't helpful anymore. So, let's look at how you can begin to trust and value yourself.

Embracing Your True Self: Overcoming Self-Abandonment

Everyone has feelings and needs. You may not have been allowed to express them as a child (or even in some of your adult relationships), but you can now be a safe haven for your own feelings and needs. If you listen, your feelings will tell you what you need and when you meet your needs, you'll be happier and healthier.The objective is to stay present with your difficult feelings, rather than to abandon yourself when you feel overwhelmed. Meditation is another tool that can help you cultivate acceptance of and tolerance for your feelings.

Allow yourself to have feelings and needs.

Try not to hide parts of yourself out of fear of disapproval or judgment. Not everyone is going to like you and that's okay. Don't shrink or change to please others. Express who you are through your work, creative pursuits, your hairstyle and clothes, your hobbies, interests, and passion projects. If you feel out of touch with your true self, commit some time to rediscover what you like and what matters to you.

Allow yourself to be creative, quirky, and uniquely you.

Everyone deserves care and comfort when they are suffering. Often, we're great at doing this for others, but we minimize our own struggles and fail to love ourselves when we need it the most.Most of us werent taught about the importance of self-compassion as children, so we need to teach ourselves these skills as adults. And if your parents didn't show you compassion, this may feel quite foreign. It will get easier and more comfortable with practice.

Treat yourself with compassion

Another important aspect of self-love and trust is advocating for yourself. I know it can be scary to assert yourself and set boundaries. Most of us are afraid of offending or angering people and afraid that well be abandoned if we do. But the alternative — letting others walk all over you — is self-abandonment. Its saying, Other peoples needs and wants matter more than mine. And I will accept disrespect, invalidation, and blame because I dont think Im worthy of anything better. Clearly, this isn't the foundation of a healthy relationship with anyone.

Stand up for yourself

How will you start to show up for yourself? Will you listen to what your body and feelings are telling you? Will you prioritize self-care? Will you do what feels right for you even if others disapprove? Will you comfort yourself when you're having a hard time? Will you set boundaries without feeling guilty? It doesn't matter where you begin, just take one small step today to value yourself.

Start Now

Do you have a hard time trusting yourself? Do you hide parts of yourself your feelings, beliefs, and ideas in 

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Why We Abandon Ourselves and How to Stop

Two intents to choose from:<ul><li>The intent to control, avoid, and protect against pain.</li><li>The intent to learn about loving yourself and sharing your love with others.</li></ul>When your intent is to control, you're avoiding responsibility for your self-worth and well-beingmaking someone else responsible for validating you. A form of self-abandonment and is a major cause of relationship problems.You will not be able to stop controlling until you shift your intent from controlling to learning to value and love yourself and learn to take responsibility for your own feelings of self-worth, well-being, and safety.

Shift your intent from controlling to learning to value and love yourself

Work on building your confidence and tackling low self-esteem issues. Oftentimes if you don’t feel good about yourself you will begin to project those feeling on your mate.

Self-esteem is key

Therapy can help you identify where the root of the controlling behavior comes from. Oftentimes, the person who seeks to control has been controlled in the past or has lost a sense of control in some aspect of their lives.

Acknowledge therapy

Own your controlling behaviors and admit that you have a problem. Ask your partner to help you work on changing this habit.

Own it

Do things for yourself and do not become too dependent on your mate. Create and maintain your own identity in the relationship.

Practice self-care

Initiate a plan to set boundaries and limits on how you communicate, and how you lead in the relationship. Setting boundaries and limits will show your mate that you respect their needs.

Set boundaries

Talk to your partner about your expectations to ensure that he or she understands them and can meet them. Unmet needs can lead to controlling behaviors.

Be clear with expectations

Rather than taking control, I invite you to ask yourself if there are other ways to achieve this outcome. How else could we keep everyone safe while still allowing others to have control? By recognizing that control is a symptom of anxiety, we can begin to learn to manage our anxiety in new ways, choosing different tools rather than control.

We begin by asking what we hope our control will achieve

Because controlling behavior usually stems from low self-esteem or a result of a traumatic experience, it’s important to address the cause of the behavior. Acknowledging is generally the first step to changing the behavior. You will need to retrain your mind, the change of behavior will follow. Being kind, honest, and mindful about your thoughts, opinions, and reactions will make you more self-aware. The hope is that this awareness will help you let go a bit.

Dig deep

Letting go is key. This doesn’t mean that you should forget your past experiences. On the contrary, we must remember to learn from our past, but never allow ourselves to remain there. One of the manifestations of anxiety is controlling behavior. Find the source and address it. This may often not be attainable alone, so it’s a good idea to be open to some therapy. Involving your partner is often helpful and proves a commitment to a healthy you and a healthy relationship.

Learn to let go

The controlling partner often says things like, “I want XYZ,” for example, “I want you to do a job.” This conversation style eliminates the feeling of the other person. You can transform your conversation by just replacing “I want” with “I like to listen.” For instance “I like to listen to your point of view about doing a job” In the latter one, you are saying that you are interested in it, but along with it you are also asking them about their opinion. By doing so, you both would reach the mutual decision instead of a decision being imposed by one partner.

Change from  “I want”  to  “I like to listen”

You may have some insecurities which force you to control the behavior of others. Learn about them and <a href="https://upjourney.com/how-to-stop-being-insecure">let go of your insecurities </a>. Your past experiences might have developed those vulnerabilities. You need to understand that you can’t live in your past and ruin your present. Let go of that past and those insecurities attached to the past.

Acknowledge your own insecurities

If your words are bossy and you always order others to get things done. It is a clear indication that you are a control freak. Try to include words like ‘please,’ ‘thank you,’ and ‘shall we’ which makes you sound more polite.

Take control of your language

Don’t try to fit in everyone’s shoes and be the one to know-it-all. Everyone has its own battles, and they know how to tackle them. People will ask for advice when needed.

Try not to give advice when people don’t ask for it

But how does one stop being so controlling in a relationship? Here are some ways to help you stop it and rid yourself of controlling behaviors...

11 Ways to Release Anger: Tips for Letting Go

Why We Abandon Ourselves and How to Stop

How to Stop Being Controlling in Your Relationship

Milian Love