Why We Abandon Ourselves and How to Stop

Self-abandonment is a self-destructive pattern that can contribute to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and unfulfilling relationships. Abandoning yourself may have been a necessity during childhood, but it isn't helpful anymore. So, let's look at how you can begin to trust and value yourself.

Everyone has feelings and needs. You may not have been allowed to express them as a child (or even in some of your adult relationships), but you can now be a safe haven for your own feelings and needs. If you listen, your feelings will tell you what you need and when you meet your needs, you'll be happier and healthier.

The objective is to stay present with your difficult feelings, rather than to abandon yourself when you feel overwhelmed. Meditation is another tool that can help you cultivate acceptance of and tolerance for your feelings.

Try not to hide parts of yourself out of fear of disapproval or judgment. Not everyone is going to like you and that's okay. Don't shrink or change to please others. Express who you are through your work, creative pursuits, your hairstyle and clothes, your hobbies, interests, and passion projects. If you feel out of touch with your true self, commit some time to rediscover what you like and what matters to you.

Everyone deserves care and comfort when they are suffering. Often, we're great at doing this for others, but we minimize our own struggles and fail to love ourselves when we need it the most.

Most of us werent taught about the importance of self-compassion as children, so we need to teach ourselves these skills as adults. And if your parents didn't show you compassion, this may feel quite foreign. It will get easier and more comfortable with practice.

Another important aspect of self-love and trust is advocating for yourself. I know it can be scary to assert yourself and set boundaries. Most of us are afraid of offending or angering people and afraid that well be abandoned if we do. But the alternative — letting others walk all over you — is self-abandonment. Its saying, Other peoples needs and wants matter more than mine. And I will accept disrespect, invalidation, and blame because I dont think Im worthy of anything better. Clearly, this isn't the foundation of a healthy relationship with anyone.

How will you start to show up for yourself? Will you listen to what your body and feelings are telling you? Will you prioritize self-care? Will you do what feels right for you even if others disapprove? Will you comfort yourself when you're having a hard time? Will you set boundaries without feeling guilty? It doesn't matter where you begin, just take one small step today to value yourself.