We often admire people pleasers for their helpfulness, kindness, and constant willingness to assist. However, beneath the surface, some of them may secretly resent their actions. 
This reveals the discrepancy between the persona of an easygoing, agreeable person and the truth lurking beneath.

The Illusion of People Pleasers

Many individuals adopt a facade of constant agreeability to avoid conflict and maintain a likable image. However, this can lead to inner turmoil and dishonesty, both with themselves and with others.
But is this facade really benefiting anyone in the end?

The Deceptive Facade of Easygoing Behavior

Being a people pleaser makes you unhappy . It makes those around you unhappy when they realize you’re not being true to yourself and being dishonest. So who is it really benefiting?

Having an Opinion is Healthy.

Constantly striving to please others can result in isolation. By conforming to the expectations of various individuals, people pleasers often lose their true selves.
This isolation prevents them from forming deep and meaningful connections.

The Loneliness of the People Pleaser

We all want connection with others, true connection. That’s impossible when we’re constantly lying about who we are and how we’re showing up in the world, and people pleasing also means never trusting anyone else enough to get to know the real you.
If you’re busy trying to please everyone else, you’re actually just hiding from the world. People are missing out on the most amazing version of you, because you’re too busy trying to be agreeable with everybody else that no one ever gets to know you. That’s a lonely place to be.

It’s All About Connection.

Attempting to be everything to everyone can backfire. People pleasers may end up feeling resentful or excluded because they give more than they receive.
Their wishy-washy behavior can deter others from forming meaningful connections with them.

The Pitfalls of Trying to Please Everyone

Having an opinion doesn't mean you can't compromise. It signifies that you have personal preferences and are willing to take responsibility for them. Confidence in your choices and preferences is attractive in any relationship.

The Value of Having an Opinion

Trust is earned through transparency and consistency.
How do you ever really know what a people pleaser wants? If you ask someone to come to your party and they say yes, but then you found out they told friends they were dreading it and how much they didn’t want to go, would you even invite them next time? Would you trust their word on much of anything?
Brene Brown has used the example of trust being like a jar of marbles. Every time someone does something small to earn trust, they get another marble in the jar. The marbles slowly add up over time, but it only takes one event, one lie, one situation for the entire jar of marbles to be tipped over.

Trust, Transparency, and Marbles

We have to quit making the assumption that we have the other person entirely figured out and give them the benefit of the doubt to make their own decision and let the chips fall. If it doesn’t work out the way you want, perhaps it will open the door to a bigger conversation and deepen the connection you have with the other person. 
Or, maybe it wasn’t the right relationship for you anyway, and you both likely would have been miserable and exhausted in the long run.

Embrace Uncertainty and Foster Connection

People pleasing is a great way to be left feeling utterly helpless, as though life is happening to you rather than for you.You get to make the rules for your own life. Stop giving away all of your power and start living the life you choose, with purpose, clarity and confidence in your choices. Most importantly, start getting clear on the choices that feel good to you and you’ll be better able to show up with integrity.

Conclusion

It's been a long time which I felt confused about showing "Real me" in public or not. This article made my day! Hope it help you either.

In fact, many of us aim to be considered a people pleaser ourselves, because it seems like they have so many positive qualities that we would want to emulate. They’re helpful, nice, always looking to…

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Communication

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Love & Relationships

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Teamwork

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Human Resources

The Dishonesty of People Pleasing

Self-trust is not trusting yourself to know all the answers, nor is it believing that you will always do the right things. It’s having the conviction that you will be kind and respectful to yourself regardless of the outcome of your efforts.

What Self-trust Actually Is?

When we look at examples of people who are self-trusting, we find that they have clarity and confidence in their choices. They are interdependent, which includes healthy dependency, not overly dependent or hyper-independent. They speak with authority that comes from a deep place within but is not arrogant. They are good observers and have cultivated the ability to learn from their experiences, both the successes and failures.

How Is It To Be Self-trusted?

Regret itself is not the problem; what keeps us stuck in regret is the resistance to feeling the full depth of it. It’s overwhelming when we don’t have the inner resources to hold the magnitude of the remorse.

Regret undermines self-trust 

When we buy into the negative voice, we diminish our self-trust. Trying to escape the inner critic and ignoring it by drinking or drugging, or other distractions will empower it. The way to build self-trust is to relate to the inner critic and show it that it is taking a seed of truth and blowing it out of proportion.

Avoiding the inner critic undermines self-trust

<ul><li>What is the inner critic?</li><li>Where does it come from?</li><li>What is its intention?</li><li>What does it want from us?</li><li>What is its agenda?</li><li>What is its job?</li><li>Is it educable?</li><li>Is there any way other than adversarial to relate to it?</li><li>How do we stand up to the inner critic?</li></ul>

Ways to get to know the critic by being curious about its nature

I was looking for ideas to decrease self-blame and I came up with concept of "self-trust" which was new to me. Therefore I decided to share it here. Hope you find it efficient!

The Dishonesty of People Pleasing

Self-Trust and How to Build It

Ophelia