This Is How To Make Emotionally Intelligent Friendships: 2 Secrets From Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree - Deepstash

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Friendship: How to Win Friends and Influence People

Friendship: How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie's book has sold over thirty million copies, and nearly a century later it still sells more than a quarter-million copies each year.

He encourages people to listen, be interested in others, speak to them from their point of view, sincerely flatter others, seek similarity, avoid conflict, and many other things that seem obvious, but that we all routinely forget to do.

However, his methods can be manipulative and lead to shallow friendships.

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The Answer: Being Vulnerable

The Answer: Being Vulnerable

We don't want awful people to exploit our weaknesses, but the irony is that our weaknesses are where trust comes from

How do you signal you're trustworthy? By trusting someone else.

  • Vulnerability tells people they're part of an exclusive club.
  • Not only is vulnerability effective, but it's also not quite as dangerous as you think.
  • Psychology has documented the "beautiful mess effect"-that we consistently overestimate how negatively our errors will be perceived.
  • The occasional screw-up is a positive.

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If It Feels Uncomfortable And Scary, Say It

If It Feels Uncomfortable And Scary, Say It

As long as you feel emotionally safe and you're getting a positive reception, share more.

  • Not being vulnerable kills friendships.
  • Not opening up prolongs minor illnesses, increases the likelihood of a first heart attack, and doubles the chance it being lethal.

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The Bottom Line

Make the time, vulnerably share your thoughts, and raise the stakes.

  • If all goes well, they do the same.
  • With trust established, we can ignore costs to a greater degree, as can they.
  • If they are a true friend, it will feel natural to help them when they are in need.

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