The 7 Unwritten Rules of Trust: How to Navigate the Minefield of New Relationships

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Whenever I enter a new group, I want them to like me. I change my attitude based on people’s mood and style. But when I started my new job, I understood that wasn’t me.

I am not a shy person who only answers questions. I am the one making them! And I felt awful and wrong when I tried to mimic a more passive style.

Then, with time, I turned back to my old habits. And now, I speak and laugh a lot, and I have fun with people always bantering.

I feel happier. I feel better. And people love interacting with me. Whenever I enter the room, they feel my presence. And I have to say – I adore it.

• Be yourself no matter the circumstances. You better fail by showing yourself than thrive but feel dead inside.
• People will sense you faking a behavior. You are not an actor – you can’t pretend to be someone else.
• Stick to what worked for you in the past. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Behave as always, and you will build trust with the right people.

When you are friends with everyone, you’ll never be alone. And that’s a good thing.

But the best thing about being friends with everyone is they will compete for your attention.

I don’t want to manipulate anyone, ok? But that’s what happens when you build trust and relationships with everyone in the group.

At my workplace, I used to interact only with my team members. But then I switched teams twice and got to know all my colleagues.

I didn’t have a great relationship with my old team members. But as I went out with others, they became more careful and available.

They invited me to go out with them more often. And I think they were jealous because they felt abandoned (even if I never did it.)

So, by building friendships with everyone, they entered a competition for my attention. I notice that happening sometimes. And I love feeling the center of attention.

• Being friends with anyone doesn’t mean you have to build deep relationships with the entire group. A little bit of trust with everyone is enough. Make them feel validated by your words. And they will stick with you.
• Storytelling is the best way to build trust. And you don’t need to share your deepest thoughts. Tell them about something nice that happened to you. They will try to share something similar, and there you are – you built a connection. Every time you interact with them, you have a fallback plan.

Once you build a trust bridge with everyone, you can pick your preferences and go deeper with them. You can transform that trust into lasting friendships or even love interests.

So how do you build deeper trust with someone?

It’s simple – you speak from your soul. Tell them private things whenever you feel they are ready for it. Show your feelings – they will support you if they care.

In Italian, they use “preferire” as the verb to express a preference. But that word comprises two parts:

• “Pre,” which means before, or first.
• And “ferire,” which means to hurt.

So, be careful because your preferences might hurt someone if you remove your attention from them.

• Wait for a moment of weakness when people will open up more. And when that happens, it’s your moment to share a deep story. There’s only one thing to be careful about – you must find a connection to what your interlocutor was saying.
• Not everyone likes to show weaknesses. But there’s a way you can unlock them. If someone stays by themselves or fades out, ask them two questions. First, are you okay? Second, are you sure?

Nobody loves the I-know-everything type of person – that’s one thing we could all agree on.

They are often arrogant. They make people feel stupid. And they have little empathy to understand what’s wrong with their behavior.

Also, helping others feels terrific – this is another thing we could all agree on.

It empowers our image in front of others and trust in ourselves. So, when there’s someone in need, we will probably help them if we can.

• Reveal your mistakes and failures and show people what you learned. Those confessions will give you something to laugh about together. And they will incentivize people to share ideas and similar experiences.
• Ask for help whenever you don’t understand something. People love to be helpful.

Going out in small groups, you will only connect with a few people. And, especially in the beginning, the risk of awkward moments is very high.

But if you promote big gatherings, it becomes easier.

• You can speak with more people and connect with all of them.
• There can’t be awkward moments because you can simply talk with someone else or include them in the conversation.
• And you can showcase your role in the group, whether you are a leader or anything else. You will find your place.

• Ask people if they want to go out and tell them they can bring who they wish. It will make them feel safer and more willing to go out.
• Don’t insist too much. Everyone has a private life and might not want to share why they can’t come.
• Use the rule of thirds. If somebody refuses three times, don’t ask them again for a few times or do it more rarely.

I often discuss confidence in my articles because it’s the turning point in people’s lives. However, I receive messages from readers who say they are too introverted to show confidence. Yet, confidence has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert.

Confidence is about standing your ground and telling your ideas.

Speak up if you disagree with someone. Don’t live the life someone else chooses for you. And show people you are not afraid to fight for your ideas.

• Learn how to build confidence if you are too shy to speak with people.
• Study people’s body language and mimic it to connect with them.
• Stand your ground and share your ideas without fear.

There’s a big difference between an acquaintance and a friend. And if you want to enter the second group, you must help people thrive.

When I was in high school, I only focused on my success. I wanted to crush the competition and rule supreme. So, I had no friends.

Later on, I changed. I tried helping others thrive, and they brought me with them.

People want to share their recognition if you ever help them. And most of them will always be grateful. So, help others and be a giver – you will double the benefits.

• Listen carefully to spot requests for help. Sometimes, people won’t admit they need help (been there.) But they will appreciate your offering solutions.
• Don’t make people feel stupid. Suggest new ideas and things they may want to try. But allow them to solve the problem by themselves. They will grow faster and feel more empowered.

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