What Choices Do You Make?

Jane Burka, a psychologist from Berkeley, California, identifies several types of indecisive personalities. Perfectionists, for example, would rather avoid a decision than risk making a mistake. Non-compromisers want it all and feel compromised if they have to give up anything. Freedom lovers face many options and don’t want to commit to one. They want their options always open. Dependents are people who trust others more than they trust themselves.

The common link between these types is a lack of self-esteem. This often traces back to upbringing. A perfectionist may come from a family in which mistakes were criticized. A dependent could have been told they made bad decisions and finally stopped trying.

San Diego writer Mike Hernacki believes his lack of confidence and indecisiveness came from his strict upbringing. His parents avoided praising or complimenting their children. “I could bring home 10 As and a B and my father would say, ‘What’s with the B?’”

Psychologists Meryle Gillman and Diane Gage advise indecisive people in their book, The Confidence Quotient: 10 Steps to Conquer Self-Doubt. They suggest recognizing negative messages they’ve received and visualizing a doubter, like a critical parent, and a supporter, imagining them working positively together. The more decisions you make, and the more you see the world won’t fall apart either way, the more control you have

If you want to be more decisive, start by forcing yourself to make several small decisions every day. Don’t wait until you feel in total control.