The Roots of Ambivalence

This kind of internal seesawing is common when it comes to behavioral change. It’s a natural and predictable part of the change process. Yet how often do we regard ambivalence as some sort of interloper, an unwanted and unexpected roadblock on the path to a better life?

If we lack understanding about the roots of our uncertainty, our ability to effectively resolve it becomes limited. Furthermore, without a clear understanding of the underlying reasons for ambivalence, we risk resorting to harmful labels that may conveniently but inaccurately account for our inaction and that of others. “I must be lazy.” “I have no self-discipline.” “She’s in denial.”

A helpful lens through which to better understand the roots of indecisiveness comes from a research-based therapy approach called motivational interviewing. Motivational interviewing has been successfully applied to reduce uncertainty and increase motivation for a range of behavioral changes from alcohol and other substance use to lifestyle behavior change and medical adherence, among others.

From a motivational interviewing perspective, the two roots of ambivalence are low importance and low confidence in making a change. If we don’t feel strongly that it’s important to make a change or we lack confidence in being able to take the necessary steps, chances are very high that we will waver on how to move forward. (Conversely, if we feel that a change is essential and we feel confident in being able to do it, we will likely enjoy a high degree of motivation to make the change.)

Good. Now ask yourself the following:

1. Do I sometimes find myself doubting how important it is to make this change?
2. Are there downsides or unappealing aspects of making this change?
3. Are there things I like about staying the same?
4. Is it difficult to prioritize this change given competing demands, like limited time, money, or energy?
5. Do I have some doubt about whether I’ll be able to make or sustain this change?
6. Do I feel hesitant to make the change because I tried in the past and was unsuccessful?

If your answer to any of the first three questions was yes, you may be low on a sense of importance. And if your answer to any of the latter three questions was yes, then you may be low in the confidence department.

The ubiquity of ambivalence in the face of change is a reality of normal human experience. It’s true for us, and it’s true for others; our family members and friends, and those we encounter and serve in our professional lives.

Acknowledging this fact is the first step in dissolving counterproductive judgments and labels so that we can more clearly see and skillfully address the root causes of ambivalence.