Bhasker 's Key Ideas from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
by Mark Manson

The point isn't to get away from the shit. The point is to find the shit you enjoy dealing with.

If there is nothing to fuck with, then mind automatically gives-fucks about meaning less things.

Happiness comes from solving problems. The keyword here is "solving":

1. If you're avoiding your problems or feel like you don't have any problems, then you're going to make yourself miserable.
2. If you feel like you have problems that you can't solve, you   like wise make yourself miserable.

The secret sauce here is in the solving the problems, not in not having problems on the first place.

Everyone desires happiness, love, and a successful life. It’s easy to dream about these things because they’re inherently enjoyable and universally appealing.

But the real question isn’t what you want in life; it’s what struggles you’re willing to endure to achieve those desires. That willingness, more than ambition or talent, determines your success and fulfillment.

The same is true for relationships. A meaningful connection requires enduring tough conversations, heartbreaks, and emotional ups and downs. In the end what defines you isn’t what you want but what you’re willing to suffer for.

Relying on happiness as a goal often backfires because emotions are fleeting. What brings joy today loses its charm tomorrow, as we constantly crave more—like a new house, relationship, or pay raise.

This endless chase leaves us feeling the same as before: unfulfilled.

True contentment lies not in chasing fleeting emotions but in finding meaning beyond them.

Author says, "My lack of confidence compounds—I feel unconfident about sounding unconfident, which makes me even more unconfident. It's a never-ending cycle, a feedback loop from hell."

The deeper the pain, the more helpless we feel against our problems.

The truth is that there's no such thing as a personal problem. If you've got a problem, chances are millions of other people have had it in the past, have it now, and are going to have it in the future —including people you know.

That doesn't minimize the problem or mean that it shouldn't hurt. It doesn't mean a victim.

There are two ways of thinking:

1. "I'm awesome, and the rest of you suck, so I deserve special treatment."
2. "I suck, and the rest of you are awesome, so I deserve special treatment."

Although these two mindsets seem opposite, they share the same selfish core at the center.

The more we encounter opinions that differ from ours, the more upset we become that those opinions even exist. Similarly, the easier our lives become, the more we feel we deserve even better.

To become truly great at something, you have to dedicate

shit-tons of time and energy to it.

This constant stream of unrealistic media adds to our existing feelings of insecurity by exposing us to impossible standards that we feel we fail to meet.

Technology has solved old economic problems but has given us new psychological problems. The internet hasn’t just open-sourced information; it has also open-sourced insecurity, self-doubt, and shame.

Over time, you will develop a growing appreciation for life’s simple experiences—helping people, reading a good book, or laughing with someone.

If suffering is inevitable and problems in life are unavoidable, the real question we should ask is not "How do I stop suffering?" but "Why am I suffering—for what purpose?"

The nature of our problems determines the quality of our lives.

People often feel lonely. But when they ask themselves why they feel lonely, they tend to blame others: "Everyone else is mean," or "No one is cool or smart enough to understand me." By doing this, they avoid addressing the real problem instead of trying to solve it.

We gain control over our problems based on how we choose to think, measure, and respond to them.

Often, the only difference between a problem feeling painful or powerful is the sense that we chose it and are responsible for it.

Blaming others means pointing fingers, but taking responsibility means owning your reactions and choices. Others might cause your problems, but only you can control how you feel about them. You decide how to see, react to, and measure your experiences.

Taking responsibility is always important—this is what real learning means. On the other hand, blaming others only hurts you.

Ex: Genetics may not be your fault, but it's still your responsibility to manage the outcomes

In poker, only consistent best choices can make a player win the game than players with best cards.

Growth is an endless, iterative process—from being wrong to being slightly less wrong, and then becoming even less wrong than before. We are always in the process of approaching truth and perfection, though we never actually reach them.

Many people become so obsessed with being "right" about their lives that they never truly live them.

Being wrong opens the door to change. It brings the opportunity for growth.

The openness to being wrong is essential for any real change and growth to take place.

Our brain constantly tries to make sense of our current situation based on our past experiences and existing beliefs.

Every new piece of information is compared to the values and conclusions we already hold. As a result, our brain is naturally biased toward what we believe is true at that moment.

The more you try to be absolutely certain about something, the more uncertain and insecure you may feel.

On the other hand, the more you accept that you don’t know everything, the more comfortable you will become.

Understand that; If you really want to accomplish something but you don't feel motivated or inspired, then you're assume you're screwed.

Action → Inspiration → Motivation ✅️

If you lack motivation in doing something, just "DO SOMETHING (Doing something is a gap between success and you)", it gives you way to understand to your passion.

When small-things that iterate-daily makes a big-change.

"He recognizes communication that comes with no conditions, no strings attached, no hidden motives, no sales pitch, and no desperate attempt to be liked.

Somehow, after years of travel, it was in perhaps the most un-American of places where I first experienced a unique kind of freedom: the ability to say whatever I thought or felt, without fear of repercussions. It was a strange form of liberation—freedom found through the acceptance of rejection." 

The point is this: we all must give a fuck about something, in order to value something. And to value something, we must reject what is not that something. To value X, we must reject non-X.

Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet not to glorify romance, but to criticize how irrational and reckless it can be. The play highlights the dangers of impulsive love, serving as a warning rather than a celebration.

it’s actually a tragic commentary on how impulsive emotions and unthinking decisions can lead to disastrous consequences. The young lovers act recklessly, driven by passion rather than reason, which ultimately leads to their downfall.

1. Diminishing Returns of Experiences:

When you’re new to something, the first experiences feel exciting and transformative. But as you gain more experience, each new adventure, possession, or relationship impacts you less.

2. Choosing Depth Over Breadth:

Instead of chasing endless options, focusing deeply on what truly matters brings greater satisfaction. For example, committing to a career, a relationship, or a small group of meaningful friendships leads to more fulfillment than constantly seeking variety.

3. Freedom in Commitment:

Commitment reduces distractions and simplifies decision-making, freeing you from the constant pursuit of "more." It allows you to focus on your most important goals and values, ultimately leading to greater happiness and success.

4. Breadth vs. Depth:

Exploring widely is important when you're young—it helps you discover what’s worth committing to. But true reward comes from diving deep into a few meaningful areas, whether it’s relationships, work, or personal growth.

1. Toxic vs. Healthy Relationships:

In toxic relationships, people blame others for their problems or take responsibility for their partner's problems. This creates dependency and avoids accountability.

In healthy relationships, individuals take responsibility for their own problems and support each other without trying to "fix" one another.

2. What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are the lines between what you're responsible for and what your partner is responsible for.

People with strong boundaries solve their own problems and don’t try to control their partner's emotions or actions.

3. Toxic Patterns:

Victims blame others and expect to be "saved" for attention and love.

Savers take responsibility for fixing others, hoping it will make them feel valued and loved.

These roles often stem from childhood experiences and perpetuate toxic cycles.

4. Unconditional Love:

True love means supporting your partner while they solve their own problems—not fixing their issues or blaming them for yours.

Acts of love should be voluntary, not out of obligation or guilt.

5. Signs of Healthy Relationships:

Both partners respect each other’s independence and personal growth.

They accept that they can’t meet every need or prevent all hurt feelings.

Love is based on mutual respect and support, not conditions or manipulation.

6. Key Test for Boundaries:

Ask yourself: If either of us refused to do something, would the relationship stay intact?

Healthy relationships can handle disagreements without falling apart.

If we focus too much on always feeling good or making our partner feel good, no one ends up happy, and the relationship quietly falls apart.

Conflict is essential for trust. It reveals who genuinely supports us and who is there for selfish reasons. Trust cannot grow without challenges; no one trusts someone who agrees with everything. The discomfort in relationships helps build deeper trust and intimacy.

Rebuilding trust is a long and challenging process, and both parties must understand the difficulty of what they’re committing to.

In healthy relationships, both people need to feel free to say "no" and accept "no" without fear. Without this balance, boundaries collapse, and one person’s needs overpower the others. Conflict isn’t just normal—it’s vital for maintaining a healthy, honest relationship. Without it, relationships become manipulative and eventually toxic.

Trust is fragile, like a China plate. If broken once, it can be repaired with effort. But if it’s broken repeatedly, it becomes harder to restore and may eventually become irreparable

1. Admitting Fault and Owning Values:

The person who broke the trust must acknowledge the harmful values or attitudes that led to their actions, like selfishness or disrespect for the relationship. They must also show they’ve changed those values. Without this honesty, there’s no foundation for rebuilding trust.

2. Proving Change Through Actions:

Words alone aren’t enough. The trust-breaker must demonstrate consistent, improved behavior over time to show they’ve truly changed.