The surprising secret that solves your problems quickly | Collins Key | TEDxSantaBarbara

Definition: Assumptions are beliefs we create based on past experiences, making us act like we know the answer before actually analyzing the problem.

Example: I assume my friend didn’t text back because they’re mad at me, instead of considering they might be busy.

Application: Challenge assumptions by flipping the script. Instead of, “What do I think is true?” ask, “What if the opposite is true?” If you’re stuck, brainstorm the opposite of each assumption. Mind-blowing revelations often happen here 🤯.

Definition: Expectations are the answers we’re already looking for, blinding us from seeing what’s really happening.

Example: I expect people to understand my joke right away, and if they don’t laugh, I think they’re boring—missing the fact I might not have set it up well.

Application: Go into problem-solving without expecting any particular result. Practice this with friends: try seeing each situation from multiple angles before forming an opinion. It’s like discovering different views in a mirror maze 🔍.

Scenario Problem: “The Messy Friend Conflict”

• You’ve got a big project to submit in two days, and your friend is supposed to contribute half of the work. But they haven't done anything yet, and they keep giving excuses. You know they’re your friend, but if this project isn’t done, your grades are at risk. How do you solve this without ruining the friendship or failing the project?

Misconception:

• You might be assuming that talking to them again won’t help, or that taking over their work is your only option.

Definition: A misconception is when we believe something is true based on a misread situation.

Example: “If they haven’t done it by now, they’ll never do it. I have to finish the whole project myself.”

Application: Reassess: what if they actually need help but are too afraid to ask? The answer could be to offer them a small task that breaks down the big work without overwhelming them.

False Assumption:

• You assume their excuses mean they don’t care, but this might not be true.

Definition: An assumption is a belief taken for granted, often without real evidence.

Example: “They’re just lazy, and they don’t value this project like I do.”

Application: Shift your assumptions. Instead of assuming they don’t care, consider that they might be stressed or confused about the work. Try giving them an easy section or a list of tasks to start with.

Limited Expectation:

• You expect a direct confrontation to be messy, so you’re avoiding it.

Definition: An expectation is a preset idea of what will happen.

Example: “Talking to them will just lead to an argument or make things awkward.”

Application: Change your expectations: instead of a lecture, approach it as a friendly check-in. Say, “Hey, I know you’ve been busy. Do you want me to help with a part so we can finish together?”

Rethink Misconceptions - Reflect on whether you’re judging them too harshly. Realize the issue might not be laziness; maybe they need help understanding the project.

Question Assumptions - Check your assumption that they won’t contribute. You could even ask directly, “Is there anything you’re stuck on?”

Change Expectations - Go into the conversation with an open mind and a positive outcome in mind. Offer ways to break down the project and make it doable for both of you.

Instead of stressing and doing everything yourself, you discover that a 10-minute chat could lead to splitting up the tasks more effectively, saving your friendship and the project. It’s all about changing your approach to see the solutions hidden in plain sight.