Irza Fidah's Key Ideas from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
by Mark Manson

It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”. The idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.

Not giving a f*ck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different.

To not give a f*ck about adversity, you must first give a f*ck about something more important than adversity.

Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what to give a f*ck about.

When we’re young, everything is new and exciting, and everything seems to matter so much. Therefore, we give tons of f*cks. We give a fuck about everything and everyone.

Essentially, we become more selective about the f*cks we’re willing to give. This is something called maturity. Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what’s truly f*ckworthy.

Happiness is not a solvable equation. Dissatisfaction and unease are inherent parts of human nature and, as we’ll see, necessary components to creating consistent happiness.

And this pain, as much as we hate it, is useful. Pain is what teaches us what to pay attention to when we're young or careless. It helps show us what's good for us versus what's bad for us. It helps us understand and adhere to our own limitations. Therefore, it's not always beneficial to avoid pain and seek pleasure, since pain can, at times, be life-or-death important to our well-being.

Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded.

Happiness comes from solving problems. The keyword here is "solving". The secret sauce is in the solving of the problems, not in not having problems in the first place.

Happiness is therefore a form of action; it's an activity.

Whatever your problems are, the concept is the same: solve problems, be happy. Unfortunately, for many people, life doesn't feel that simple. That's because they f*ck things up in at least one of two ways: denial & victim mentality.

People deny and blame others for their problems for the simple reason that it's easy and feels good, while solving problems is hard and often feels bad.

Forms of blame and denial give us a quick high. They are a way to temporarily escape our problems, and that escape can provide us a quick rush that makes us feel better.

Emotions are part of the equation of our lives, but not the entire equation. Just because something feels bad doesn't mean it is bad. Emotions are merely signposts, suggestions that our neurobiology gives us, not commandments. Therefore, we shouldn't always trust our own emotions. In fact, I believe we should make a habit of questioning them.

If I ask you, "What do you want out of life?" Your response is so common and expected that it doesn't really mean anything.

A more interesting question, a question that most people never consider, is, "What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?" Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.

People who base their self-worth on being right about everything prevent themselves from learning from their mistakes. They lack the ability to take on new perspectives and empathize with others.

To not give a f*ck about anything is still to give a f*ck about something.

We shouldn't seek to find the ultimate "right" answer for ourselves, but rather, we should seek to chip away at the ways that we're wrong today so that we can be a little less tomorrow.

There is no correct dogma or perfect ideology. There is only what your experience has shown you to be right for you. And even then, that experience is probably somewhat wrong too.

That answer will change and evolve, because I change and evolve; and as I grow older and more experienced, I chip away at how wrong I am, becoming less and less wrong every day.

Many people become so obsessed with being "right" about their life that they never end up actually living it.

Certainty is the enemy of growth. Nothing is for certain until it has already happened. And even then, it's still debatable. That's why accepting the inevitable imperfections of our values is necessary for any growth to take place.

Instead of striving for certainty, we should be in constant search of doubt.

The human mind is a jumble of inaccuracy. And while this may make you uncomfortable, it's an incredibly important concept to accept, as we'll see.

Questioning ourselves and doubting our own thoughts and beliefs is one of the hardest skills to develop. But it can be done.