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Straightforward vs. Complicated People

https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/straightforward-vs-complicated-people/

theschooloflife.com

Straightforward vs. Complicated People
Straightforward vs. Complicated People - Articles from The School of Life, formally The Book of Life, a gathering of the best ideas around wisdom and emotional intelligence.

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Straightforward people

Straightforward people

Straightforward people are easy to be around with because we know exactly what the issues are from the start. There is no need to guess or infer or translate.

If they don't want to do something, they will politely tell you it's not for them. If they are unhappy with your behavior, they will gently tell you how they view the situation.

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Complicated people

Complicated people are very unsure about the legitimacy of their own desires, making them unable to let the world know what they really want and feel.

They may initially appear to agree with everything you're saying, but later on, their reservations will become known. They will say they want to join you for dinner but will inwardly ache for an early night. They will give the impression of being happy while crying inside. They will say sorry when they want you to apologize.

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The reason for confusing complexity

The root cause of confusing complexity may come from fear of how an audience might respond if our real intentions are known.

The origins may have started in childhood. A child becomes complicated when they are given the impression that there is no room for their honesty. A child may have received irritation or open anger for their honesty.

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We don't have to stay complicated

We can change by noticing and growing curious about the origins of our habitual evasiveness. We can realise that no one will shout at us if we reveal our aspirations. Or if they do, we can walk away.

We can also recognise that our complicated behaviour doesn't have the effect of pleasing people. Most people prefer to deal with frustration head on rather than listening to a nice story and then have to suffer disappointment.

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Spontaneity could explain low-level sadness

Spontaneity could explain low-level sadness

An often overlooked but essential ingredient in a good life is spontaneity. Without it, we may suffer from an excess of orderliness, caution and rigidity. We haven't danced in ...

We are rigid, because we are afraid

We stay fixed in our familiar spot because any movement out of the known and calculated is experienced as intensely dangerous. We ruminate too much because we are trying to exert control. We seldom act, out of fear of making a huge mistake.

Spontaneity is a potential within all of us. It is almost always something we have lost because circumstances have stripped it away from our characters.

Becoming spontaneous again

We’ll continue not to be spontaneous until we can understand how and why being spontaneous once felt so dangerous.

We should recognise that many of our inhibitions are no longer necessary - that we can relax from whatever fear we felt as children. We can prepare areas of great order and logic but then allow for moments when we relax, feeling safe in the knowledge that not everything is at stake. We can try to dance a little or take off without too much of a plan.

The Complicated Relationships With Our Parents

The Complicated Relationships With Our Parents

Parents, for many of us, are a complicated relationship. They can be a source of joy and can also feel like an emotionally draining ordeal.

Confronting them and making them understand how t...

Discussing With Our Parents: Unrealistic Expectations

Even if we feel that we have made our point, painstakingly making our parents understand the time we felt they did us wrong, we erroneously assume that our twenty-minute discussion will suddenly cure them of behavioural patterns that are in effect from several decades.

An outright bad parent is easier to handle, but the problem is complicated when the same parent is also caring, loving and is a genuine well-wisher.

Conflicting Emotions: Between Love and Hate

While we may think that our parents are conflicted personalities, we are unconsciously having the same kind of behavioural patterns.

We periodically love and hate our parents, and have them imbibed in our body and mind, right down to mannerisms and quirks. We care for them yet sometimes wish to stay away from them.

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The healthy mind filters through thoughts

The healthy mind filters through thoughts

A mind in a healthy state is continuously performing a set of manoeuvres that uphold our moods.

A healthy mind is an editing mind that filters through particular ideas and ...

A healthy mind resists temptations

A healthy mind resists unfair comparisons. It does not allow the successes of others to make us feel inadequate; neither does it frequently find fault with its own nature.

A healthy mind keeps at bay critical judgements. It does not tell us how appalling we are; instead, it allows us to talk to ourselves as we would to a friend.

A healthy mind keeps a good grip on fear

A healthy mind knows that there are endless problems we could worry about. It can distinguish between what could conceivably happen and what is likely to happen.

It avoids catastrophic imaginings. It is confident that terrible things will either not happen, or it could be dealt with ably enough.