<p>Self-compassion is something we should be practicing every day, but the reality is that a lot of people struggle even to define what it means. </p><p> Self-compassion is the act of noticing when you're struggling, recognizing that's actually part of being human, and being kind to yourself rather than beating yourself up.</p><p>Self-compassion builds resilience , which helps us withstand the challenges of life. “It allows us to weather difficulty without sending us into a spiral of self-criticism or self-blame or shame.” That’s one way that it promotes psychological well-being.</p>

Self-compassion Adds To Psychological-wellbeing.

<div dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr">Reviewed: </span><time datetime="2021-08-17" dir="ltr">August 17, 2021</time></div><div>Medically Reviewed</div><figure><picture class="eh-image eh-image--is-loaded eh-image--lazy eh-image--js"><source srcset="https://images.everydayhealth.com/images/how-to-get-better-at-giving-yourself-a-break-1440x810.jpg?w=375" media="(max-width: 375px)"><img src="https://images.everydayhealth.com/images/how-to-get-better-at-giving-yourself-a-break-1440x810.jpg?sfvrsn=4d6aceca_4" alt="woman holding love balloon outdoors urban street"></picture><figcaption dir="auto">Self-compassion is all about recognizing you’re struggling and treating yourself with kindness.Lucas Ottone/Stocksy</figcaption></figure><p dir="ltr">Self-compassion is something we should be practicing every day, but the reality is that a lot of people struggle even to define what it means. That’s according to <a href="https://medschool.ucsd.edu/som/fmph/research/mindfulness/about/faculty/Pages/steven-hickman.aspx" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">Steven Hickman, PsyD</a>, a clinical psychologist and the founding director of the UC San Diego Center for Mindfulness at UC San Diego School of Medicine.</p><p>“Compassion” is defined as the “awareness of suffering, coupled with a desire to relieve that suffering,” Hickman explains. So self-compassion is the act of noticing when you're struggling, recognizing that's actually part of being human, and being kind to yourself rather than beating yourself up, he says.</p><p dir="ltr"><a href="https://self-compassion.org/about/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">Kristen Neff, PhD</a>, an associate professor in the University of Texas in Austin's department of educational psychology, developed the definition of self-compassion most researchers use. (It’s measured via a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21584907/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">12-item scale</a>.) It states that self-compassion consists of three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. In other words, you’re not showing yourself self-compassion if you’re not practicing these three things.</p><p>Self-kindness is exactly what it sounds like: being kind to yourself. “Common humanity” means recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. And mindfulness refers to entering a nonjudgmental state of mind that’s receptive to all kinds of feelings.</p><p>Another way to think about it, Hickman says: “Self-compassion is treating yourself the way you treat a good friend.”</p><p dir="ltr">Why is it so important for health and well-being? Self-compassion builds <a href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/" dir="ltr">resilience</a>, which helps us withstand the challenges of life, Hickman says. “It allows us to weather difficulty without sending us into a spiral of self-criticism or self-blame or shame.” That’s one way that it promotes psychological well-being, he says.</p><p dir="ltr">Indeed, research suggests that self-compassion can help reduce <a href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/anxiety/anxiety-and-depression.aspx" data-gd-wrapped="" dir="ltr">depression and anxiety</a>. For example, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6153895/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">a study published in <em dir="ltr">Mindfulness</em></a> reports that self-compassion has been associated with lower levels of depressive symptoms, particularly because it helps curb issues such as self-judgment and isolation. Another study, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4591980/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">published in <em dir="ltr">PLoS One</em></a>, found that self-compassion has the potential to buffer self-coldness, which is a contributing factor to depression.</p><p dir="ltr">According to <a href="https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Finlay-Jones2017.pdf" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">a review published in <em dir="ltr">Clinical Psychologist</em></a>, evidence suggests that people who practice more self-compassion are more likely to have better relationships that are characterized by warmth and emotional validation, plus greater emotional awareness, clarity, and acceptance. Self-compassion is also linked with an increased ability to respond to stress in a flexible and self-soothing way, the review notes. And another takeaway: Self-compassionate people are less likely to engage in harmful avoidance, rumination, and worry, which could help protect them from emotional disorders.</p><p dir="ltr">In <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2013.838992" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">a study published in <em dir="ltr">Self and Identity</em></a><em dir="ltr">,</em> researchers found that on days when college-age women reported higher levels of appearance-related self-compassion, they also experienced lower levels of disordered eating. And participants who responded to a perceived body flaw — like disliking their stomach or thighs — in a self-compassionate way had significantly lower levels of body shame.</p><p>Despite all of these benefits, practicing self-compassion can be difficult, Hickman and other experts say.</p><h2><strong>How to Get Better at Practicing Self-Compassion</strong></h2><p>It’s a common misconception that practicing self-compassion is narcissistic or a sign of weakness. “Actually, it’s the opposite,” Hickman says.</p><p dir="ltr">Self-compassion requires a lot of inner strength, says <a href="https://unlimitingliving.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">Deanna Denman, PhD</a>, a clinical psychologist based in Charlotte, North Carolina.</p><p dir="ltr">To do so requires that we turn toward, rather than away from, challenging emotions and sensations, she explains. “Turning toward difficult experiences and responding with self-compassion builds our ability to cope, and makes us stronger and more <a href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/" data-gd-wrapped="" dir="ltr">resilient</a>.”</p><p>So how can you get better at practicing self-compassion? Here are seven tips.</p><h2><strong>1. Check in With Yourself Throughout the Day</strong></h2><p>Denman suggests asking yourself, “What do I need right now?” It’s “the quintessential self-compassionate question,” she says. Maybe you need to take a half-hour break by yourself to recharge, or you need a nap or a reassuring conversation with a friend. Part of caring for yourself is listening to and then addressing your needs.</p><h2><strong>2. Journal About Times You’re Harsh on Yourself</strong></h2><p dir="ltr">Throughout the week, make note of times when you notice harsh self-talk or judgments about yourself, says <a href="https://rmpsychotherapy.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">Rebecca Marcus</a>, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist based in New York City. See if you notice any patterns, she suggests. And then ask yourself: “How have harsh judgments and negative self-talk helped me? And what am I afraid will happen if I shift them?”</p><h2><strong>3. Find Small Ways to Be Kind to Yourself in Difficult Moments</strong></h2><p>“Think: a cup of tea, watching a funny video (build up a ‘laughter library’ for hard days), journaling, short walks, prayer, or meditation,” Denman says. All of these rituals can soothe and nourish you.</p><h2><strong>4. Take a Course</strong></h2><p dir="ltr"><a href="https://centerformsc.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion</a> (where Hickman is a teacher) offers many programs, including “self-compassion for educators” and “self-compassion for teens.” These are typically eight weeks long, and you can take them online. Enrollees learn how to develop and finesse the skills of mindful self-compassion and silence their inner critics. Courses can be a great way to learn what self-compassion is and how you can apply it to your own life with the help of an expert, Hickman says.</p><h2><strong>5. When You’re Upset, Imagine Comforting Your Younger Self or a Favorite Baby Animal</strong></h2><p dir="ltr">“People often have difficulty offering themselves compassion,” says <a href="https://dradiagooden.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">Adia Gooden, PhD</a>, a clinical psychologist based in Evanston, Illinois. She hosts the <a href="https://dradiagooden.com/unconditionally-worthy-podcast-2/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr"><em dir="ltr">Unconditionally Worthy</em> podcast</a>. “Imagining offering something or someone else compassion can make it much easier and is still effective.”</p><p>Picture a baby deer, for example, with big innocent eyes and a sweet face, or maybe a helpless kitten abandoned by its mother. Imagine the comfort you would provide the animal, and then extend that same compassion to yourself, she says.</p><h2><strong>6. Try a Guided Meditation. </strong></h2><p dir="ltr">Hickman <a href="https://www.drstevenhickman.com/recordings" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">provides recordings on his website</a> that can help guide your self-compassion practice. There are also more than a dozen <a href="https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">available on Neff’s website</a>, including guides for doing a compassionate body scan, noting your emotions, taking a protective break, and working with the emotions in your body.</p><h2><strong>7. Don’t Get Frustrated if It Doesn’t Happen Right Away</strong></h2><p>Recognize that becoming self-compassionate will take time. “If you find that you’re self-critical or lacking in self-compassion, it didn’t start yesterday,” Hickman notes. “It's probably been something of a lifelong practice that you’ve built up for whatever reason.”</p><p>That means it would be unrealistic to expect yourself to change overnight.</p><figure><picture class="eh-image eh-image--lazy eh-image--js"><img src="https://images.everydayhealth.com/images/newsletter-signup/mental-health-and-mood-disorders-nl-signup.jpg?sfvrsn=215efe00_2" alt="Mental Wellness"></picture></figure><div><span>NEWSLETTERS</span></div><div><span>Sign up for our Mental Wellness Newsletter!</span></div><form novalidate=""><label for="emailid-1377">Enter your email</label></form><form novalidate=""><button type="submit">Subscribe</button></form>

Self-compassion is all about recognizing when you’re struggling and treating yourself with kindness. Here’s how mental health experts recommend getting better at it.

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<p dir="ltr">Self-compassion is something we should be practicing every day, but the reality is that a lot of people struggle even to define what it means. That’s according to <a dir="ltr" href="https://medschool.ucsd.edu/som/fmph/research/mindfulness/about/faculty/Pages/steven-hickman.aspx" rel="noopener noreferrer">Steven Hickman, PsyD </a>, a clinical psychologist and the founding director of the UC San Diego Center for Mindfulness at UC San Diego School of Medicine. </p>

<p>“Compassion” is defined as the “awareness of suffering, coupled with a desire to relieve that suffering,” Hickman explains. So self-compassion is the act of noticing when you're struggling, recognizing that's actually part of being human, and being kind to yourself rather than beating yourself up, he says. </p>

<p dir="ltr"><a dir="ltr" href="https://self-compassion.org/about/" rel="noopener noreferrer">Kristen Neff, PhD </a>, an associate professor in the University of Texas in Austin's department of educational psychology, developed the definition of self-compassion most researchers use. (It’s measured via a <a dir="ltr" href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21584907/" rel="noopener noreferrer">12-item scale </a>.) It states that self-compassion consists of three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. In other words, you’re not showing yourself self-compassion if you’re not practicing these three things. </p>

<p>Self-kindness is exactly what it sounds like: being kind to yourself. “Common humanity” means recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. And mindfulness refers to entering a nonjudgmental state of mind that’s receptive to all kinds of feelings. </p>

<p>Another way to think about it, Hickman says: “Self-compassion is treating yourself the way you treat a good friend.” </p>

<p dir="ltr">Why is it so important for health and well-being? Self-compassion builds <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/">resilience </a>, which helps us withstand the challenges of life, Hickman says. “It allows us to weather difficulty without sending us into a spiral of self-criticism or self-blame or shame.” That’s one way that it promotes psychological well-being, he says. </p>

<p dir="ltr">Indeed, research suggests that self-compassion can help reduce <a data-gd-wrapped="" dir="ltr" href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/anxiety/anxiety-and-depression.aspx">depression and anxiety </a>. For example, <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6153895/" rel="noopener noreferrer">a study published in <em dir="ltr">Mindfulness </em> </a>reports that self-compassion has been associated with lower levels of depressive symptoms, particularly because it helps curb issues such as self-judgment and isolation. Another study, <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4591980/" rel="noopener noreferrer">published in <em dir="ltr">PLoS One </em> </a>, found that self-compassion has the potential to buffer self-coldness, which is a contributing factor to depression. </p>

<p dir="ltr">According to <a dir="ltr" href="https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Finlay-Jones2017.pdf" rel="noopener noreferrer">a review published in <em dir="ltr">Clinical Psychologist </em> </a>, evidence suggests that people who practice more self-compassion are more likely to have better relationships that are characterized by warmth and emotional validation, plus greater emotional awareness, clarity, and acceptance. Self-compassion is also linked with an increased ability to respond to stress in a flexible and self-soothing way, the review notes. And another takeaway: Self-compassionate people are less likely to engage in harmful avoidance, rumination, and worry, which could help protect them from emotional disorders. </p>

<p dir="ltr">In <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2013.838992" rel="noopener noreferrer">a study published in <em dir="ltr">Self and Identity </em> </a><em dir="ltr">, </em>researchers found that on days when college-age women reported higher levels of appearance-related self-compassion, they also experienced lower levels of disordered eating. And participants who responded to a perceived body flaw — like disliking their stomach or thighs — in a self-compassionate way had significantly lower levels of body shame. </p>

<p>Despite all of these benefits, practicing self-compassion can be difficult, Hickman and other experts say. </p>

How to Get Better at Practicing Self-Compassion

<p>It’s a common misconception that practicing self-compassion is narcissistic or a sign of weakness. “Actually, it’s the opposite,” Hickman says. </p>

<p dir="ltr">Self-compassion requires a lot of inner strength, says <a dir="ltr" href="https://unlimitingliving.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer">Deanna Denman, PhD </a>, a clinical psychologist based in Charlotte, North Carolina. </p>

<p dir="ltr">To do so requires that we turn toward, rather than away from, challenging emotions and sensations, she explains. “Turning toward difficult experiences and responding with self-compassion builds our ability to cope, and makes us stronger and more <a data-gd-wrapped="" dir="ltr" href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/">resilient </a>.” </p>

<p>So how can you get better at practicing self-compassion? Here are seven tips. </p>

1. Check in With Yourself Throughout the Day

<p>Denman suggests asking yourself, “What do I need right now?” It’s “the quintessential self-compassionate question,” she says. Maybe you need to take a half-hour break by yourself to recharge, or you need a nap or a reassuring conversation with a friend. Part of caring for yourself is listening to and then addressing your needs. </p>

2. Journal About Times You’re Harsh on Yourself

<p dir="ltr">Throughout the week, make note of times when you notice harsh self-talk or judgments about yourself, says <a dir="ltr" href="https://rmpsychotherapy.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer">Rebecca Marcus </a>, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist based in New York City. See if you notice any patterns, she suggests. And then ask yourself: “How have harsh judgments and negative self-talk helped me? And what am I afraid will happen if I shift them?” </p>

3. Find Small Ways to Be Kind to Yourself in Difficult Moments

<p>“Think: a cup of tea, watching a funny video (build up a ‘laughter library’ for hard days), journaling, short walks, prayer, or meditation,” Denman says. All of these rituals can soothe and nourish you. </p>

<p dir="ltr"><a dir="ltr" href="https://centerformsc.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion </a>(where Hickman is a teacher) offers many programs, including “self-compassion for educators” and “self-compassion for teens.” These are typically eight weeks long, and you can take them online. Enrollees learn how to develop and finesse the skills of mindful self-compassion and silence their inner critics. Courses can be a great way to learn what self-compassion is and how you can apply it to your own life with the help of an expert, Hickman says. </p>

5. When You’re Upset, Imagine Comforting Your Younger Self or a Favorite Baby Animal

<p dir="ltr">“People often have difficulty offering themselves compassion,” says <a dir="ltr" href="https://dradiagooden.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer">Adia Gooden, PhD </a>, a clinical psychologist based in Evanston, Illinois. She hosts the <a dir="ltr" href="https://dradiagooden.com/unconditionally-worthy-podcast-2/" rel="noopener noreferrer"><em dir="ltr">Unconditionally Worthy </em>podcast </a>. “Imagining offering something or someone else compassion can make it much easier and is still effective.” </p>

<p>Picture a baby deer, for example, with big innocent eyes and a sweet face, or maybe a helpless kitten abandoned by its mother. Imagine the comfort you would provide the animal, and then extend that same compassion to yourself, she says. </p>

<p dir="ltr">Hickman <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.drstevenhickman.com/recordings" rel="noopener noreferrer">provides recordings on his website </a>that can help guide your self-compassion practice. There are also more than a dozen <a dir="ltr" href="https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations" rel="noopener noreferrer">available on Neff’s website </a>, including guides for doing a compassionate body scan, noting your emotions, taking a protective break, and working with the emotions in your body. </p>

7. Don’t Get Frustrated if It Doesn’t Happen Right Away

<p>Recognize that becoming self-compassionate will take time. “If you find that you’re self-critical or lacking in self-compassion, it didn’t start yesterday,” Hickman notes. “It's probably been something of a lifelong practice that you’ve built up for whatever reason.” </p>

<p>That means it would be unrealistic to expect yourself to change overnight. </p>

Self-Compassion: What It Is and How to Get Better at It | Everyday Health

Self-compassion Adds To Psychological-wellbeing.

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