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Attached Summary
About Attached Book
“Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.”
—The New York Times
We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.
Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
• Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
• Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
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Attached.
Attached. The New Science Of Adullt Attachment And How It Can Help You Find – And Keep – Love
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There is a certain very interesting book contributed to by neuroscientists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller entitled "Attached. The New Science Of Adult Attachment And How It Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love".
The human brain is programmed to seek and need to receive support from others. As it turns out, we need to feel a sense of security in the bonds we form, whether they are formed in the context of friendship, family, or love.
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"I felt the fear of losing someone special and in the end I lost, but I survived! And I'm still alive!"
-CHARLES CHAPLIN-
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Five Secure Principles for Resolving Conflict
- Show basic concern for the other person's well-being.
- Maintain focus on the problem at hand.
- Refrain from generalizing the conflict.
- Be willig to engage.
- Effectively communicate feelings and needs.
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Insecure Conflict Strategies to Avoid
- Getting sidetracked from the real problem.
- Neglecting to effectively communicate feelings and needs.
- Reverting to personal attacks and destructiveness.
- Reacting "tit for tat" to the other's negativity with more negativity.
- Withdrawing.
- Forgetting to focus on the other's well-being.
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Types Of Attachment Styles
- Anxious attachment
- Secure attachment
- Avoidant attachment
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How to maintain your relationship for long?
Usually most of the us are dealing with this kind of problem. We can't able to maintain our relationship for a long time. I'll share my experience and what I have learnt till now from these kinds of books:-
So why most of us brokeup so early????
Their are lots of answers to this question. I can't say anything precisely but it depends on person to person. In general I would say the biggest reason is- we don't able to understand our partners and that ultimately lead to the end of relationship.
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What is understanding in relationship??
It simply means knowing each other well and understand eachothers fellings, if any bad situation come, tackling it together, and ignoring the little things like-
If your partner is not replying you, you develop some kind of prejudices and misconceptions in your mind and you start to think a lot of negative things, like why he/she is not replying, is she/he is onto someone else, and all that kind of stuff.
So in that kind of situation be calm and trust your partner and if she/he is really not into you then let them go. Because letting go is the best option.
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Why letting go sometime is good in relations??
It somehow good because the person who left you may not of your type or upto your level. So if anyone wants to go ,let them go. Focus on things that you can control , don't focus the things which are not in your control.
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