Once you have the basics of what happened and how long it has been going on, you can move on to asking more probing questions:
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Without a face or a voice to convey emotion, written text can easily be misconstrued as being terse, sarcastic, snarky, or even mean.
Always assume you don’t know the tone of any written communication you receive and openly inquire as to the emotions of your debate partner.
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... “my side”, “your side” and the truth.
It is often helpful to take each party aside separately to find out their concerns, but over and above this try to find a neutral party who may have witnessed or seen the conflict from a different angle.
Once you have addressed the parties separately, tension will not be resolved until the parties are able to talk face to face.
This must always be done with a mediator who can remain objective. The mediator would have heard both sides and can better portray the feelings of each party to the other.
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