Behind every behavior is a positive intention – this is one of the basic NLP presuppositions. Motives drive behavior. Our brains do nothing without some (usually unconscious) purpose.

Ask for help from their/your creative part to create three alternative ways to get the intended outcome.

Establish communication with the part creating the unwanted behavior or response. Ask if it would be willing to communicate consciously. This communication might be a sensation somewhere in their/your body, a picture, voice or sound.When you get a signal, first thank the part for responding. When...

Bandler and Grinder developed the six step reframe technique from their study of Milton Erickson  (ideomotor signals) and Virginia Satir ‘s work with parts. They included it in their book 

Check for objections with other parts with an ecology check and future pacing. When we change behaviors, we can affect other people and aspects of ourselves. Even changes we think are fabulous have unintended consequences. We ...

Find the positive intention. Ask the part “What do you want? What positive thing are you trying to do for me? The key here is to recognize the difference between the parts intention and the way it is going about getting it.

Have you ever tried to be helpful and the person...

Have the part evaluate these new choices.

Are they acceptable?

Will they be as good as or better than the previous behavior?

It needs to be willing to try them out for the next month or longer if appropriate. The key here is negoti...

When we are young, we try out different behaviors and some of them work. We keep the ones that work, even when times change and those responses may not be the most useful ones. Throwing a tantrum at 4 might get us what we want, at 44 it probably won’t work so well.