If you must compare, then use yourself as the measuring stick. When you do, you may be able to see just how far you have come, including wins and improvements. Those accomplishments are what should keep you striving to do better.

Healthy comparison

Whether they were instilled in us by parents or other adult figures in our lives, our limiting beliefs might have convinced us to focus on what we can’t do or what might never be possible. Remember, though, that at one time we were enthusiastic children who believed we could be or do anything! Wherever possible, it's important to quiet those negative thoughts that are providing reasons why you can't do something. Instead, take on an uncomfortable situation or try something new and see what happens. Should you succeed at it, you can permanently shut down many self-limiting beliefs.

1. Don't listen to self-limiting beliefs:

Our memory does serve us well in certain situations. However, it can also be our own worst enemy. That's because it comes with confirmation bias already built-in. Our brain’s memory does not store information in the same way it was originally presented. What we see and remember is based on our pre-existing beliefs, values, and self-perception. If you have low self-esteem, then your brain tends to confirm those ideas, bolstering your lack of confidence. Every time you remember a certain event, you think of the bad aspects of it, such as the mistakes you made.

2. Don't always rely on your memory for accurate information-1

Negative thoughts do damage confidence, but you can boost your self-esteem by using positive affirmations to transform your mindset. There is a lot to be said about the power of positive self-talk as a way to work past challenges and barriers, including those you put in front of yourself. You can talk yourself out of fear, self-doubt, and fixation on past mistakes by reminding yourself of your capabilities and accomplishments. These "pep" talks can also help you work through a challenge by reflecting on what you can do or how you can find a possible solution.

3. Talk yourself out of negative self-talk

Curiosity helps you grow. More importantly, it can motivate you to try new things and be open to fresh perspectives and ideas. Going through the process of experiencing these new things, perspectives and ideas can help boost confidence. Being curious can give your mind something to actively focus on so it stays busy on positive things. It also can point you in new directions that you didn't know were possible. In doing so, you can change your life for the better. Any positive results you create will, in turn, help build your self-confidence.

5. Be curious

It's also important to identify and define the specific areas where you don't feel confident. Does it relate to your knowledge and experience in doing things related to your business? Is it your body image? Or, do you struggle with public speaking and making eye contact with strangers? Building confidence can still be challenging even when you know where you are lacking, but it does help you put your energy into the right areas. You can also bolster your effort to become more confident by concentrating on those areas where you are already confident.

7. Identify where you lack confidence and what can give you confidence

A lack of confidence often originates from negative thoughts that chip away at us. These thoughts destroy our self-image and self-worth. They are not easy to get rid of, either. To do so, you will need to stifle each negative thought with multiple positive thoughts. Have positive affirmations ready to say to yourself or out loud. Reflect on each positive notion before saying or thinking another one. Don't think of it as ignoring or suppressing negative thoughts, because they will still be there to take a swipe at your self-confidence later on.

4. Counter negative thoughts with positive ones

Make changes in those areas where you feel you are lacking by taking classes that will help you acquire new skills. Then, put those skills to work and gain new experiences. As you get better at those skills and expand your capabilities, your confidence will organically grow. Turn to other resources like podcasts, conferences, books, and mentors to further build confidence.

9. Get new skills and experience

To counteract that reaction, improve your self-image and build confidence, it is important to get other perspectives on these situations. These perspectives are best obtained from someone you respect and admire, such as a family member, friend, colleague, or mentor. Your trust and respect for the person offering perspective will help you see past your own thoughts on the matter. These external impressions can be invaluable in helping you rethink things and refocus on the positives.

Don't always rely on your memory for accurate information-2

When you see others and their accomplishments on social media, it's easy to lose confidence. Comparing yourself to others, you might think you have failed or lack worth because it looks as though others have so much more money, admiration, and success. Nothing good comes out of comparing yourself. Those other people are not you. Their stories are different. You also don't know how many times they might have failed or made mistakes. It doesn't make sense to make judgments based only on the visible, highly edited parts of someone else’s life when your path and life are completely different.

8. Don't compare yourself


When we feel we are in control, there is a sense of confidence and comfort that surrounds us. It's when we are afraid that we feel the most out of control. While it may seem counterintuitive, this is the time to move closer to what scares us or makes us feel threatened. By doing so, we are actively going after what scares us. And, when we do, we can eliminate the threat and fear. The result of taking such action makes us more confident because we feel more capable. Plus, provided that nothing bad happened to us when we went after what was scaring us.

6. Gain control by facing your fears

Becoming more confident starts and ends with you, because you can make decisions and choices. Reminding yourself that you can choose to be confident goes a long way toward actually being confident. Once you start believing what you tell yourself, confidence levels can rise along with success, happiness, and satisfaction.

10. Confidence starts with you

If you lack self-confidence, you will always feel like you’re at the mercy of other people. When you assume a victim mentality, you are no longer resilient to life’s inevitable obstacles and roadblocks.

Healthy comparison

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