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How To Build The Self-Confidence You Need To Win At Life - Darius Foroux

Building Your Self-Confidence

You become more self-confident if you become better at what you do. 

The process goes like this:

  1. Improve your competencies
  2. Put them into practice
  3. See results
  4. Grow more confident
  5. Repeat

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How To Build The Self-Confidence You Need To Win At Life - Darius Foroux

How To Build The Self-Confidence You Need To Win At Life - Darius Foroux

https://dariusforoux.com/build-self-confidence-need-win-life/

dariusforoux.com

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Key Ideas

Lack Of Self-Confidence

... is associated with:

  • Depression
  • loneliness and feeling left out
  • Lower academic achievement
  • Lower life satisfaction

Self-confidence without competence is of as little use as is competence without self-confidence.

Self-confidence without competence is of as little use as is competence without self-confidence.

Building Your Self-Confidence

You become more self-confident if you become better at what you do. 

The process goes like this:

  1. Improve your competencies
  2. Put them into practice
  3. See results
  4. Grow more confident
  5. Repeat

"Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” 

"Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” 

Skills everyone can benefit from

  • Emotional intelligence: Understanding other people’s emotions and how to respond to them. 
  • Self-awareness: Try to understand why you do what you do, what you can do better, and what you’re doing well. Know yourself.
  • Problem-solving: Identifying issues, find and evaluate different solutions and choose the most appropriate option.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Trick your brain into calm
  • Become aware of your safety and breathing. Your fight or flight response may be in overdrive. 
  • Take note of five things you can see, four things you can hear, three ...
Using affirmations

Remind yourself how awesome you are with affirmations. Write down affirmations that remind you of your capabilities and strengths and keep them somewhere you can find them if nerves strike.

Another suggestion is to keep a file of praise, awards, and other evidence of how good you are at your job an read them when you are struggling with a confidence crisis.

Get clear about your feelings

Take a moment to really analyze what you’re feeling and strategize for that.

Can you reframe negative feelings, like fear, into something more positive, like anticipation? If not, remind yourself that it’s perfectly normal to be nervous before a high-stakes situation. 

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Bad behaviors cascade

That reticence to ever ask someone out on a date probably plays out in your failure to move to a new city, to take that new job or the timidity around your co-workers.

Standing out of the crowd

People don’t like it when someone changes or does something that makes them feel awkward or insecure. They will think he’s crazy, selfish, arrogant. If you want to do something incredible, you have to become comfortable with being different from the rest.

Nothing worth having comes easy

As cliche as that sounds. Most of us give up on something we’re passionate about too soon. But anyone who’s been successful has a tale of struggle and perseverance to share.

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If you see something as a sacrifice, it will bring you frustration

When you think you have to sacrifice something in your life in order to be successful you will build frustration and resentment towards yourself. And so that lofty goal that should ha...

This idea of sacrificing things to become successful comes from comparisons

From comparing our lives to others. Why do you think you look at things as a sacrifice? Compared to what?Well, so and so is having an avocado salad at a rooftop bar in SoHo.” Who gives a shit. ⚠️

Impostor Syndrome

It is a psychological phenomenon that reflects the belief that you’re an inadequate and incompetent failure despite evidence that indicates you’re skilled and quite successful.

The Perfectionist

They set the bar excessively high for themselves and when they fail to reach their goals, they experience major self-doubt. For this type, success is rarely satisfying because they believe they could’ve done even better.

But that’s not productive. Learning to celebrate achievements is essential if you want to avoid burnout and find contentment.

The Superwoman/man

Impostor workaholics are actually addicted to the validation that comes from working, not to the work itself. They push themselves to work harder, to measure up with their colleagues.

Start drifting away from external validation. No one should have more power to make you feel good about yourself than you.

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Self-esteem to measure success
During the 1960s, psychologists started studying what made some people more successful than others. They believed the answer to be self-esteem.

Self-esteem was a measurement of ...

Promoting self-esteem

The theory is that if everyone has high self-esteem, then everyone will be successful and live a happy life. If a society was inoculated with high self-esteem, it would end poverty, crime, and violence.

But, one should take into account that high self-esteem could be the result of success, not necessarily the cause. Also, thinking that only one thing can explain how to be successful, is probably naive.

Self-esteem and success

There’s actually very little correlation between self-esteem and success.  Research on self-esteem strongly correlates with how good people feel, in general

Self-esteem is complex and can be a good or a bad thing, depending on what is measured. 

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Defining excuses

Excuses are rationalizations we make to ourselves about people, events, and circumstances. 

They are invented reasons we create to defend our behavior, to postpone taking action or simpl...

The Fear Trap

We make excuses for the following key reasons:

  • Fear of Failure
  • Fear of Embarrassment
  • Fear of Success
  • Fear of Change
  • Fear of Uncertainty
  • Fear of Responsibility
  • Fear of Making Mistakes
  • Perceived lack of confidence or resources
To successfully eliminate excuses we must first consider removing all traces of fear. Fear paralyzes us and prevents forward movement in all areas of our lives.
'There’s just not enough time'
This excuse means a lack of desire, focus, discipline, and direction.
It suggests the wrong priorities or time management problems. It could also indicate laziness or procrastination.

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Surviving the worst moments of your life
  • Identify the feeling. Anger? Grief? Sadness?
  • Go ahead and cry if you need to. No shame. It’s healthy.
  • Identify what you could have done better.
  • Forgive your...
Don't repress negative feelings

That means if someone close to you asks, “How are things?” You respond with, “I feel like dog shit,” not with, “Oh, I’m greeeeeeat,” and then run away to cry into your cereal bowl and wonder why nobody in the world cares about you. - Mark Manson

Most things in life are both good and bad at the same time. What changes is our perspective.

Most things in life are both good and bad at the same time. What changes is our perspective.
Every Decision In Life Becomes a Trade-Off
Every Decision In Life Becomes a Trade-Off

... and boils down to what we give up to attain something. Our mindsets are inclined towards pleasure and resistive towards pain. We normally like to think in terms of gai...

Good and Bad Decisions

Decisions are a cost-benefit analysis of risking something small for the opportunity to gain something big.

  • Good decisions can be: Exercising, meditating for 10 minutes daily, finding the courage and striking up a conversation with someone, applying for jobs that you may or may not get.
  • Bad decisions can be: lying or pretending to someone, driving unsafely, sending angry text messages, or staying up late drinking before an important meeting or exam in the morning.
Trade-offs and Life Values

Trade-offs are not something as simple as flipping a coin. Our values guide us towards what we want in life, and it is not the same for all. Example: Buying a house has a trade-off of mortgage for the next ten or more years. This is subjective and depends on what we value in life.

Indecisive people suffer because they don’t know their inner values and what they care about.

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Build lasting self-esteem
  • Use positive affirmations correctly and make them more believable.
  • Identify your competencies and find opportunities that accentuate them.
  • Learn to accept compliments, ev...
Meditation

Meditation significantly lowers depression, stress, and anxiety – the key reasons for a restless mind. 

Elimination of these factors greatly helps in improving concentration, thus increa...

Playing Puzzles

Puzzle games and crosswords are both good mind stimulators and can improve your brain power, confidence, and self-esteem.

Their inherent attractiveness lies in the fact they are challenging. Solving puzzles makes your brain work continuously, thus making you push the limits of your intellect.

Artwork

A hobby that you can pursue in a relaxed and non-competitive environment opens up the creative windows of your mind. 

Try something like embroidery instead of the usual paintings and water-color drawings.

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