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Almost everyone who is unhappy with life is unhappy for the same reasons

Opportunities don't just happen

Opportunities don't just happen

One of the most important things a person can do is stick his or her neck out and seek opportunity. 

Just because you deserve a raise, a promotion, or a company car, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. You have to make it happen. You have to put in the hard work, then go and get what’s yours. If we limit ourselves to what’s given to us, we are at the mercy of other people.

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Almost everyone who is unhappy with life is unhappy for the same reasons

Almost everyone who is unhappy with life is unhappy for the same reasons

https://qz.com/647197/almost-everyone-who-is-unhappy-with-life-is-unhappy-for-the-same-reasons/

qz.com

9

Key Ideas

Expectations shape your reality

They can change your life, emotionally and physically

You need to be extra careful about (and aware of) the expectations you harbor as the wrong ones make life unnecessarily difficult. 

The (un)fairness of life

A surprising number of us subconsciously expect life to be fair, and we believe that any unfairness that we experience will somehow be balanced out, even if we don’t do anything about it.

 If you’re stuck in that mindset, it’s time to get over it. When something “unfair” happens, don’t rely on outside forces to get you back on your feet. 

Opportunities don't just happen

One of the most important things a person can do is stick his or her neck out and seek opportunity. 

Just because you deserve a raise, a promotion, or a company car, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. You have to make it happen. You have to put in the hard work, then go and get what’s yours. If we limit ourselves to what’s given to us, we are at the mercy of other people.

Being liked by everyone

When you assume that people are going to like you, you take shortcuts; you start making requests and demands before you’ve laid the groundwork to really understand what the other person is thinking and feeling.

Instead of expecting that people will like you, focus on earning their trust and respect.

Being "approved" by everyone

Most of us expect people to agree with us out of courtesy or because our ideas are so incredibly sound.

But something that’s obvious to you might not be so to someone with different experiences and a different agenda, so stop being offended when people disagree with you, and stop assuming that there is only one right answer (yours).

People can’t read your mind

... and what you’re trying to say is rarely what other people hear. You can’t expect people to understand you just because you’re talking—you have to be clear.  

Communication isn’t anything if it isn’t clear, and your communication won’t be clear until you take the time to understand the other person’s perspective.

Expecting to fail

If you expect to fail, you stand a higher chance of creating the very outcome you’re worried about. 

If you fail, accept that sometimes you’ll fail and sometimes you’ll succeed, but if you pursue an endeavor, believe with all your being that you’re going to succeed in that endeavor. 

Happy for the wrong reasons

Too many of us expect a future event (“I’ll be happy when I get that promotion”) to make us happy, instead of looking more deeply into the real causes of our unhappiness. 

If you don’t fix what’s going on inside, no external event or item is going to make you happy, no matter how much you want it to.

"Changing" someone

There’s only one person in this world you can truly change—yourself—and even that takes a tremendous amount of effort.

The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves. So let go of this faulty expectation.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Taking action = eventual success
Taking action = eventual success

Inaction is the biggest cause of our failures and our miseries. If we could consistently do the things we know we should do, we would be more successful, and our lives would be better. Yet w...

Explaining inaction

Some possible but weak reasons why action is hard:

  • Talent. But the world is full of brilliant stars that flame out and mediocre minds that build empires.
  • Preferences can explain our failure to try, but don't explain our inner struggles with inaction.
  • Capacity for effort. If your capacity for doing things is lower, it does not explain chronic bursts of activity with inevitable crashes in your goals and projects.
  • Motivation. Some people with the most reason have the hardest time taking action. 
Confidence
Motivation and expectation of success create a feedback loop:
  • Your motivation to complete a task depends on the value of the reward and your expectation of success. 
  • Your expectation of success depends on your motivation.

If your projects tend to fail, your expectations are low, and motivation fades. If your projects tend to succeed, your expectations go up, and motivation stays strong.

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Disengaged Employees

Engagement at work is a sign of employee motivation and resulting productivity. Unfortunately, only about 13% of people globally are engaged at work, and disengaged employees cost the economy $5...

What Not To Do
  • Do not make assumptions about a disengaged employee's performance. While statistically, such employees do underperform, there can be other reasons too.
  • Do not force an employee to be someone they are not. Everyone cannot be happy and optimistic all the time.
  • Do not get emotional, and stick to a transactional, formal, work-focused style. Do not expect to win their hearts or influence them by appealing to their emotions.
  • Do not assign employees tasks beyond their area of expertise.
Approaching Disengaged Employees
  • Use extrinsic motivating factors such as incentives and rewards to get productivity from a disengaged employee.
  • Understand what drives them, connect with them, gaining their trust and respect without being emotional, and focus on what they value.
  • Respect an employee's personal space and their need to distance their problems from their work.

Ultimately, it is what an employee delivers that matters most, and a manager has to focus on figuring out how to get the work done.

We are creative in the morning and analytical at night

Your brain is more creative in the morning and more analytical at night.

Use your analytical evening strength to provide a simple plan and starting-point so your cr...

Tim Ferriss
Tim Ferriss

“A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” 

Become very good at living each day

Momentum is created or destroyed every day with the first few decisions you make.

If you learn to master your day, you’ll learn how to master your weeks, months, years, and life.

one more idea

The importance of managing expectations

According to Qualtrics, employees do not engage properly when they are unsure of their company’s goals.

When your team ...

Communicate clearly and frequently

Communication is essential and comes first when setting expectations with your team.

Have a plan in place from the start to ensure your team understands what you are expecting from them.

For example, should they report every task they complete? Is there a set amount of time in which they should be able to reply to emails?

Roles and responsibilities documents

Your team will work as a unit if every member is aware of their own responsibilities and the importance of their work in the organization.

This can be accomplished by creating a document that describes their role in the company in detail.

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Fail Fast!

In our Success obsessed society, failure is rampant, as every successful person has a string of past failures, and may have been a loser before eventually finding success.

Learning from Failure

The person who eventually succeeds after failing is the one who is using failure to learn, as a feedback mechanism, and applying those lessons in his future decisions.

Importance of Failing Fast

Failing Fast is crucial considering the first lesson of learning and taking feedback from failure.

The speed of failing ensures we take the path to success sooner rather than being stagnated and then having to pay the opportunity cost. 

Our eventual success depends on our failing fast.

Fear of criticism

Many people are afraid to live their dreams for fear of what others may think and say about them.

Making decisions based on what people think will debilitate you for the rest of ...

Fear of poverty

Many people are stuck in “survival mode.” Too many people settle for mediocrity because they think they must “survive” instead of “thrive.”

Never let the fear of poverty hold you back from your dreams.

Fear of old age (and death)

Benjamin Franklin once said, "Most people die at 25 and are buried at 75." This metaphorical death comes when people figure they can't make it happen, so they end up quitting in advance.

Fear of old age can also be harmful when a person has to go through a major career transition. In the end, age is far less important than your belief in yourself.

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When people feel most authentic

Everyone wants to be their true self, not a follower of social expectations.

Most people think authenticity is acting by following your individual set of values and qualities. But research ...

Feeling and being authentic

Several studies have shown that people’s feelings of authenticity are often shaped by something other than being true to their unique qualities

Paradoxically, feelings of authenticity seem to be related to a kind of social conformity. The more we conform to social conventions about how a person should act, the more authentic we feel.

Start With Your Core Values

All improvement in your life, including financial improvement, begins with you clarifying your true values, committing yourself to living consistently with them, and then aligning everything...

Align Goals With Your Values

Hold the idea of wealth and success in your mind long enough and hard enough, until you draw into your life the resources you need to accomplish it.

Your main focus is to keep your mind fixed on improving your personal finances and achieving financial independence.

Think BIG But Start Small

Keep your vision in mind, but start wherever you are.

Work back from the future to the present. Make a list of the logical steps, in order, that you need to take to get from where you are to where you want to be. Then figure out what big or small action you can take today.

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Dr. Seuss

It is better to know how to learn than to know.

Dr. Seuss
False Beliefs About Self-Education

Despite having easy access to information, few people take full advantage of the opportunity we have for self-directed learning.

We still believe that in order to learn something, we need to be formally educated on it, when in fact we're able to educate ourselves.

Self-Education In The 21st Century

Self-education is the core skill for the 21st century.

Our ability to respond to changes in the landscape of work and technology will be dictated by how skilled self-educators we are, how well we can take full advantage of the information available to us to grow our skillset.

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