Get Some Perspective

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

The most common reaction in a fear situation is the attitude of, “I can’t!”

This is the fear of failure that stops us from taking action. It often shuts down the brain and causes us to revert to the “fight-or-flight” reaction.

Your self-image, the way you see yourself and think about yourself, is eventually altered by feeding your mind these positive mental pictures of yourself performing at your best.

So visualize yourself performing with confidence and competence in an area where you are fearful.

• Fear of being wrong. People with this fear are extremely focused on rules, ethics, standards, and “right vs wrong.”
• Fear of not being good enough. Those with this fear tend to be insecure, intensely focused on their image, and desperate to prove their worth. 
• Fear of missing out. This drives leaders to constantly seek new opportunities and experiences and to pursue multiple interests at once.
• Fear of being victimized or taken advantage of. Those suffering from this fear feel the need to win every battle and can be defensive and controlling.

In the first phase, take a close look at your history. Examine the choices you've made and the reasons behind those choices.

For instance, not putting effort into pursuing your own interests but instead, activities in which you can excel could point to the fear of not being good enough.

You may think it's your judgment deciding that something is dangerous and you should be afraid, but what actually happens is that fear chemicals are flooding into your brain.

Experiments have shown that fear can be induced artificially by injecting certain chemicals. Do the chemicals know what you should and shouldn't be afraid of? They don't. You do.

Many people are stuck in “survival mode.” Too many people settle for mediocrity because they think they must “survive” instead of “thrive.”

Never let the fear of poverty hold you back from your dreams.

Benjamin Franklin once said, "Most people die at 25 and are buried at 75." This metaphorical death comes when people figure they can't make it happen, so they end up quitting in advance.

Fear of old age can also be harmful when a person has to go through a major career transition. In the end, age is far less important than your belief in yourself.

A great way to remove a large portion of fear is to practice hard, studying the topic well. You can research all questions that the audience may ask, and practice the speech in front of a mirror or in front of friends.

Practicing soothes our nerves, making us ready for the final audience.

• You feel jealous often.
• You go overboard in the relationship.
• You have thoughts about their partner or spouse leaving you.
• You demand an unrealistic portion of time with your significant other.
• You have difficulty in trusting their partner or spouse and are controlling.
• You always look out for the next relationship or significant other to replace the one most recently lost.
• You feel unworthy, less than or unworthy of love.
• You have lower self-esteem/ self-confidence.
• You end relationships before the other person can.
• You stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of the fear of being abandoned or alone.
• You will pursue relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.

Generally, people who have a fear of abandonment feel they are not worthy of being loved.

When a child is attached to someone, and the person leaves them, they are left feeling that they were not fully loved. Even though this is likely not the truth, the child will wonder what made them unlovable. As an adult, they may still feel there is something about them that makes them not worthy. They often believe they should control things so that the person doesn't leave them.

It's a very real but often misunderstood struggle. The key thing to realize is that, in most cases, the fear is about the consequences of success, not the success itself. 

This fear likely has very strong and very old origins in a person’s past.

• Validate your fear of success by understanding its origins.
• Track your avoidance strategies related to fear of success.
• Face your fears of success (the smart way).
• Get professional help from a cognitive behavioral therapist.