Convince Them With Confidence

Winning an argument often comes down to who can go the longest without contradicting themselves and keeping sound logic, not direct persuasion of the other party.

Using a single personal experience as the foundation of your argument or your big piece of evidence. 

For example, your phone may have broken right after you bought it, but you can’t use that to argue that those phones are not worth the purchase for others.

Ignoring certain facts because of personally held beliefs. 

For example, you can’t cherry pick evidence that supports your claim and deny the evidence that doesn’t.

Assuming something is caused by something else just because they happen to correlate. 

For example, the number of homeless people in an area might correlate to the crime rate for the same area, but crime doesn’t necessarily cause homelessness and homelessness doesn’t necessarily cause crime. 

Making up a scenario to make the opponent look bad. You’re assuming and making incorrect correlations. 

For example, if they don’t like orange juice, they must think oranges are bad for people.

Using statements that imply “all” of something or “every” thing is a certain way. 

For example, saying something like “all dogs pee on fire hydrants.” This would require you to be omniscient to make such claims, which is not possible.

Name-calling, attacking a person’s character and using someone’s beliefs or traits to call their argument into question.

For example, you can’t say that someone’s argument about dogs being better than cats is weak because they are also a Republican. It offers no real support to your argument for cats being better and it makes it look like you can’t think of anything better than poking at their personal beliefs.

When you have good evidence, it makes it a lot easier to counter other people’s points while supporting your own.

Prepare ahead of time. That way, when an argument comes up, you’re locked and loaded with answers to show your adversary that you know what’s what.

Even if you’re pretending. Listen to what they have to say and take it in. Don’t shake your head while they talk, cut them off mid-sentence, or look away like you don’t care about what they’re saying.

If you appear to be giving the other side’s position a thoughtful review, then the solution you propose will seem to be far more sensible. 

Recognize that there are two issues to be addressed: both of your emotions and the situation at hand.

• Rein in the emotions first. Step away for a moment and let yourself cool down before you come back to the argument.
• Try to keep your cool and show the other person respect.
• Give them a chance to make mistakes and possibly realize they’re in the wrong.

The advantages are:

• You immediately come across as agreeable and willing to listen. This can disarm them and make it easier for you to persuade them later on.
• You get to listen to what they say and look for weaknesses in their argument.
• See if they can even support their own argument.
• You give them a chance to mess up their argument.

The right questions can help you break their argument down logically.

Word your argument in the form of open-ended questions that force them to address your points.

If they manage to throw you off with a really good point, try to stay on topic as best you can. 

Going off-topic can destroy your credibility, make you look defensive, and start new arguments. Stay focused on the current subject and keep your emotions out of it.

If you’re dead set on winning the argument, you can keep pushing to make them upset and their argument will likely fall apart in anger.

If enough people agree to something, it sort of becomes true in a social setting. It may not be 100% factual, but with a little supporting evidence, your buddies can be a better backup than any fact out there.

It is, however,  best to avoid the fallacies of bandwagoning and appealing to authority. If you don’t have any evidence to support your claim at all, you and your group of supporters are just bullying people into admitting they’re wrong.

Winning can mean: 

• resolving the conflict peacefully
• getting them to admit they’re wrong about one thing and not the whole topic
• intentionally giving in because you care about them.