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Defensive failure

It's what occurs when we want to achieve something and we think about it constantly but we don't do it.

This happens because of a few mental blocks that are keeping us locked in this cycle.

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Experiencing a rocky start is enough sometimes to discourage us from going any further and we convince ourselves we don't have what it takes to do a certain task.

How to outsmart it: Develop a growth mindset and try to see each failure as just an opportunity to learn.

While our identities can give us a sense of meaning and a place in the world, sometimes they can get in our way when we’re attempting new things: many of us will avoid doing anything that threatens our sense of self.

How to outsmart it: Find people like you, that are doing the things you'd like to do and share your concerns with them.

Secretly, you don’t want to do it; you just think you should want to do it. You value it for the wrong reasons. If you’re only coming up with extrinsic reasons for your activity or goal, you may decide that it’s not worth pursuing.

How to outsmart it: Think of your intrinsic reason — the motivation behind why you’re doing what you say you want to do — like your own personal energy source.

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Suffering as part of life

We live in an age where many feel that they are entitled to a perfect life. But at some stage, everyone will face a tragedy.

When tough times do come, resilient people seem to recognize that suffering is part of every human life. Understanding this stops you from feeling discriminated against when trouble comes.

Your reasons for developing self-sabotaging behaviors most likely spring from an understandable and human place. 

The way out of it is to have insight into who you are in a relationship. Your partner will also have a chance to get to know you, and together you can break the pattern to sabotage.