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Emotional Intelligence: The Social Skills You Weren't Taught in School
Self-management
Proper self-management means controlling your outbursts, distinguishing between external triggers and internal over-reactions, and doing what’s best for your needs.
If you’re stuck in an emotional loop, give yourself a “snap out of it” slap. Anything that can give a slight shock to your system or break the existing routine can help. (try counting to 10 for e.g.)
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Emotional intelligence
It is the ability to manage our own emotions and react to the emotions of others.
People who exhibit emotional intelligence have the less obvious skills necessary to get ahead in life, such as managing conflict resolution, reading and responding to the needs of others, and keeping their own emotions from overflowing and disrupting their lives.
5 key areas of emotional intelligence
- Self-awareness: it involves knowing your own feelings.
- Self-management: it involves being able to keep your emotions in check when they become disruptive.
- Motivation, for the sake of personal joy, curiosity or the satisfaction of being productive.
- Empathy: the skill and practice of reading the emotions of others and responding appropriately.
- Social skills: this can include finding common ground with others, managing others in a work environment and being persuasive.
Improving self-awareness
- Keep a journal of your emotions. At the end of every day, write down what happened to you, how you felt, and how you dealt with it.
- Ask for input from people who know you well about where your strengths and weaknesses lie, to gauge your perception from another’s point of view.
- Slow down (or meditate). The next time you have an emotional reaction to something, try to pause before you react.
Self-management
Proper self-management means controlling your outbursts, distinguishing between external triggers and internal over-reactions, and doing what’s best for your needs.
If you’re stuck in an emotional loop, give yourself a “snap out of it” slap. Anything that can give a slight shock to your system or break the existing routine can help. (try counting to 10 for e.g.)
Motivation
It's your inner drive to accomplish something.
In order to start making use of that motivation, you first need to identify your own values. Use a journal to find times when you’ve felt fulfilled. Create a list of things you value. Most of all, accept the uncertainty in life and just build something.
Practice Empathy
- You can’t experience everyone else’s lives to fully understand them, but you can listen. Put aside your preconceptions or skepticism and allow the person you’re talking to a chance to explain how they feel.
- Take up a contrary position to your own: If you think your boss is being unreasonable, try defending their actions in your head.
- Understanding is key to having empathy. When someone tells you about an experience that’s not your own, take some time to mull over how your life might be different if you experienced that on a daily basis.
Resolving Disagreements
- Identify and deal with your emotions: Take time apart to vent, then return to the problem.
- Address legitimate problems once you’re both calm: Before you jump to solutions, make sure you and the other person agree on what the problems really are. Propose solutions that are mutually beneficial.
- End on a cooperative note: Make sure that the last intention you communicate is a cooperative one.
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Emotional Intelligence( EQ/EI)
Is the measure of an individual’s abilities to recognise and manage their emotions, and the emotions of other people, both individually and in groups.
Benefits of a higher EQ
- Ease in forming and maintaining interpersonal relationships and in ‘fitting in’ to group situations.
- A better understanding one's own psychological state, which can include managing stress effectively and being less likely to suffer from depression.
IQ and EQ
There is no correlation between IQ and EQ scores.
IQ has no connection with how people understand and deal with their emotions and the emotions of others (EQ).
You simply can’t predict emotional intelligence based on how smart someone is.
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The social foundation: emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence (or E.I.) is your ability to be aware of your own emotions, to recognize emotions in others and use that information to guide your behavior.
When you develop you...
The general categories of E.I.
- Self-awareness: Do you get anxious in loud environments? Self-awareness is knowing these things about yourself.
- Self-regulation deals with your ability to manage your own emotions.
- Motivation: You know how to motivate yourself and create or continue projects because you choose to.
- Empathy: It means recognizing the emotions of others.
- Socialization: It is your ability to navigate social situations, including conveying your ideas to co-workers or dealing with a conflict in a relationship.
Constructively confront someone
Our own fears keep us from confronting others. We fear that we'll lose something, hurt someone we care about, or that it will accomplish nothing.
- Recognize that fear in yourself and identify the real issues that led to the conflict.
- When you are able to discuss the issue, instead of firing accusations, describe your behavior using "I" statements: "I feel hurt that .............................."
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Leaderships skills related to EQ
- Working to inspire and motivate those around;
- Focus on collaboration between team members, which creates synergy and a better experience for employees;
- “Walking the talk,...
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Emotional intelligence
It's the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions, to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships, and to manage your own and others’ emot...
The 5 components of EI
- Self-Awareness: understanding of one’s emotions.
- Self-Regulation: it frees us from being prisoners of our feelings.
- Motivation: having an intrinsic desire to achieve things.
- Empathy: the ability to understand emotions of other people.
- Social Skill: the ability to build rapport and manage relationships.
There are 3 types of empathy
- Emotional empathy: “You feel awful? Then I feel awful too!”
- Cognitive empathy: “I understand that you are feeling awful. That must suck.”
- Compassion: “You feel awful? I feel for you. How can I help?”
Compassion is what we focus on for emotional intelligence.
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What Emotional Fitness is
It's the idea that in order to lead healthy, happy emotional lives we need consistent habits and exercises that support our mental health and wellbeing.
The Benefits of Emotional Fitness
- Decreased stress: you learn to manage your triggers.
- Better communication in relationships: it helps you to tolerate and manage difficult emotions and then find more productive ways to work through difficulties.
- Decreased anxiety: you train your mind to stop fearing its own emotional reactions.
- You stick with your goals: you learn to deal with emotions like anxiety, shame, regret.
- Increased self-awareness: you learn to build a better relationship with your emotions.
Get to know your emotions
- Emotional clarity: Taking the time to deliberately reflect on our emotions, to observe and label them.
- Emotional myth-busting: Eliminating myths and misconceptions floating around people’s minds about emotions.
- Emotional tolerance: Learning to resist short-term gratification and instead invest in long-term values.
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Use assertive communication
Assertive communication allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people.
Emotionally intelligent people know how to communicate ...
Respond instead of reacting
The emotionally intelligent person knows how to stay calm during stressful situations.
They don't make impulsive decisions and understand that in times of conflict the goal is a resolution.
Utilize active listening skills
Emotionally intelligent people make sure they understand what is being said before responding.
They also pay attention to the nonverbal details of a conversation. This prevents misunderstandings, allows the listener to respond properly and shows respect for the person they are speaking to.
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Emotional Intelligence (EI)
EI means the mastery of emotional competencies.
That includes self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
Questions to Measure EI in interviews
- How do you establish trust? An environment with trust promotes higher working engagement
- If you worked for your top competitor, how would you beat yourself? This question could show the candidate's ability to put the good of the organization ahead their own pride.
- Can you use a belief statement to explain the value of what we offer? Ask a belief statement that gets at the heart of what an organization or team offers.
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Questions to Assess the Emotional Intelligence of a Candidate
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EQ and performance
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the key attribute that distinguishes outstanding performers and is the leading differentiator between employees whose IQ and technical skills are approximately...
Grow your emotional intelligence
- Be honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses
- Acknowledge any stress or anxiety you’re feeling and resolve it before moving forward
- Don’t take everything personally, and strive to accept other’s actions as a reflection of them instead of you
- Be proactive, not reactive
- Be sensitive to emotional signals (tone of voice, body language, eye contact to understand your counterpart).
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Using Emotion to Influence
Whether it is the public speeches of Martin Luther King Jr. or even Adolf Hitler, emotional intelligence is at play to persuade and influence the mass audience.
The world's most influential l...
Emotion Overshadows Content
When an emotionally charged speech is given, the people hearing it surprisingly do not give much attention to the content. They only seem to recall the raw emotional power and do not scrutinize the message that is conveyed.
The Dark Side of EI
People having psychopathic tendencies and self-serving purposes can use Emotional Intelligence (EI) as a weapon to manipulate others.
Example: Some office team members demean and embarrass their colleagues, using emotion to hurt their psyche.
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