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Be factual, not judgmental

Be factual, not judgmental

... especially when it comes to things you don't like.

When approaching someone about the behavior you’d like to see changed, stick to factual descriptions of what they’ve done that has upset you, rather than using negative labels or words that convey judgment.

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It empowers you to draw necessary boundaries with people that will allow you to get your needs met in relationships without alienating others and without letting resentment and anger creep in.

Being factual about what you don't like in someone's behavior (without overdramatizing) is an important start. 

  • Make sure your body reflects confidence: stand up straight, look people in the eye, and relax.
  • Use a firm, but pleasant, tone.
  • Don’t assume you know what the other person’s motives are, especially if you think they’re negative.
  • When in a discussion, don’t forget to li...

Include the results of their behavior, in factual terms:

A great formula that puts it all together: “When you [their behavior], I feel [your feelings].”

A sentence starting with “You...” comes off as more of a judgment or an attack and puts people on the defensive.

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