If someone hurt you this year, forgiving them may improve your health (as long as you're safe, too)
One thing that often helps people to forgive is receiving an apology.
A good apology ideally has three parts: an admission of responsibility, a demonstration of sorrow, and doing something to remedy the offence, or prevent a repetition of it.
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This can be a gradual process—and it doesn't necessarily include the person who wronged you.
If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts.
The first step in forgiveness is to understand "why" someone acts the way they do. What are they trying to protect? What are they afraid of? What basic skills did they learn (or not learn) from their family of origin?
Understanding "why" breeds compassion and helps loosen the ties that bind us to blame.
Until we fully release our emotions, they continue to affect our present mindset.
Create new boundaries for yourself within the relationship.
This may mean you no longer see the person, end the relationship or establish new guidelines.
It’s highly unlikely that you’ll ever be able to forget a serious wrong committed against you. But it’s a mistake to assume that because your mind is drawn to a specific thought or memory, you should allow your attention to stay there.
Acknowledge your memories but then choose to re-focus your attention elsewhere.
It’s normal to feel anger towards your offender. But unchecked anger often leads to unhelpful amounts of mental elaboration over the wrongs done to you.
When you notice yourself feeling angry, pause briefly and acknowledge the anger, then ask yourself if your anger will do you any good in the long-term. Just because your anger is justified doesn’t mean it’s helpful.
Acceptance does not mean endorsement or justification. Acceptance means acknowledging that you don’t have power or control over the past.
Accept the offense against you without excusing it. The key to taking control of your future is choosing to let go of the desire to control the past.